I hear that Mariah is trying to get pregnant so that people don’t ask why her gut is so big and she figures that in another 20 years, she’ll be able to use her kid to meet new potential husbands (yes that was a bad cougar joke, it happens), unfortunately her menopausal pussy is makin’ it hard for this grandma’ that woulda been if she followed her destiny as being a half black chick from the projects, instead of getting all into herself thinking she can have a career singing 20 years ago, to get knocked up, so she’ll just have to keep showing up to events in bigger and bigger belts to cover her fuckin’ shit up and strap it fucking in.

Pics via INF