My computer isn’t working today and either is my penis now that I’ve been subjected to Lady Gaga’s transexual breast and it’s nipple. Shit always leaves me feeling weird, even though tranny porn is statistically more watched by straight men than gay men, which never really made sense to me, so maybe this hate for Gaga is my libido telling me I’m faggot, but I don’t think that’s true, because I have traditionally loved girls who don’t have dicks, or look like they should have dicks, or sound like they have dicks and spent the whole night sucking dicks in a Gay Sauna.

What I do know is that if Karma existed, this bitch would die of fucking AIds for mocking the homo lifestyle and exploiting it and making money off it.

She’s bullshit and here is her tit in video…

There’s nothing like a little Britney Spears sloppy tit to try to inspire me on a day that I’d just rather be sleeping than posting pictures of Britney Spears and her sloppy tit hanging out of her shirt, I mean other than nice perky teenage tit that doesn’t need a bra and manages to defy what you’d expect tit to do provided it had no bra to lean it’s heavy head on, just round and hard and ready to be tutored for their highschool math class….I mean….here’s Britney Spears and her hot mom tit because mom tits are totally my favorite – I’d never look at a teenage girl’s breast and think how nice they must fall because they look like they have a push up bra but they’re just in their pajamas, like they are made out of fuckin’ plaster or some shit…I mean who would want to play with those firm things, I’d much rather feel like I’m dipping my hands in a tub of melting ice cream.

I hate Katy Perry, even though she’s letting us all know she’s a fuckin’ joker and this whole career and success based on a song she wrote when she was trying to get her boyfriend off during phone sex was just another one of her jokes, that went misunderstood, and went huge, and made her big fucking money, some kind of fuckin’ the system scam I’d normally be a fan of, but there’s just something about her face that makes me want to piss on it like she was a girl in a stairwell last week, and I was my friend who had to pee.

Here she is getting a tattoo and tricking the paparazzi into thinking it was a Josh Grobin tattoo on her tit, while really it was a dolphin on her ankle in honor of the real girls who like kissing girls that made her rich exploiting their lifestyle…

Lily Allen is really negligent with her tit lately, but I guess not as negligent as she was with her uterus last year when she mysteriously got pregnant than wasn’t pregnant.

I wrote a post on this subject yesterday, when she was caught tanning and rubbing a chick down topless I figure I don’t need to go into an analysis of Lily Allen’s sour milk filled tits a second day in a row…so look at the pictures while I hate myself for having to post on Lily Allen tits instead of sucking on real tits like I want to be doing right now.

I have a friend who is obsessed with midgets. He watches midget porn. He watches that Little People Big World TV show. He talks about midgets all the fucking time. It’s actually fucking uncomfortable how much he is drawn to midgets.

I thought he was joking at first, but as months turned into years, I realized that he’s for real and he’s even saved up money from collecting cans to get his ass to Orlando for the Little People convention this year, he’s supposed to get me video, so brace yourself for good midget content.

His logic is that fuckin’ them is like fucking a 5 year old, which to me isn’t a good thing, but to him, excites him since his dick looks porno sized, and he can flip them in ways a normal sized person can’t be flipped. He also figures they don’t take up too much room so they’d fit perfectly in his studio apartment, they probably don’t eat too much, making them affordable, and the whole thing works for his modest lifestyle.

So I am posting this Debbie Lee Carrington for him, because a successful Hollywood midget is better to get off to than the local midget in leg braces with bucked teeth who he terrorizes, but can’t manage to convince to fuck…so this midget in video is the cream of the midget crop for a midget lover. Good times.

Brittany Gastineau is almost as useless as the fat chick at the stripclub who had small tits and was too wasted to stand and kept trippin’ up all over herself. You know, as a fat chick, you have a certain level of responsibility, that involves you having to go above and beyond what the skinny chicks are up to, because you are fat and that applies to this Gastineau pig too, step it up a notch, flash us a little fat pussy or something, keep it fucking interesting, because your motivation and effort is really ALL you have going for you. Cuddles.

Here’s that Dancing With The Stars, Olympic Gymnast, Shawn Johnson troll from dancing with the stars feeling herself up. I was going to say because no one else in their right mind would, considering how jacked she is, but realize that guys have no fucking standards and would fuck anything with a vagina, even if that vagina can bench press their balls while ripping their dick off in some strong-man grip. I also realize that lesbians live for this type of shit, especially with Johnson’s gymnast background and flexibility and strength, she can pull some next level dyke scissor pussy grind…but I’m not diggin’ this, at all.

I don’t mind models, you know especially if they are the bikini or lingerie kind, it means they usually have decent bodies, or at least bodies you’d want to see half naked, not that I don’t mind seeing any body half naked, at least once, because I think it makes me a better person. Unfortunately, in my line of poverty and almost homelessness, meeting bikini and lingerie models is about as common as one of my friends winning the lottery, sure it probably happens, but I haven’t seen it.

Here is some model busting out of her top at some Fashion Show…

Pamela Anderson was using her celebrity for Vivienne Westwood’s fashion show as one of the models. Sure, Pam Anderson’s got no real business being a model since she’s old, thick and washed the fuck up, but Vivienne Westwood launched her career making clothes for the Sex Pistols, who like Pam Anderson, were their fair share battered, so maybe this is just some kind of tribute.

I am happy she brought out her big fake tits, and her nipple that looks like it’s hanging on for its fucking life after being removed and reapplied on so many fucking times throughout its life, that it doesn’t look like it used to, maybe because of the scaring or lack of blood supply or possibly because its not actually her nipple anymore but some kind of suction-cup prostethic she’s taped the fuck on and none of that matters, because I’d rather see Pam Anderson’s shitty tits on the runway, than some skinny, awkward, tall, freakish 14 year old immigrant monster and here are the pics.

Hip Hop Mogul and Adult Lisp Enthusiast Russell Simmons was out in a bikini and he pulled a groupie sluts tit out of her bikini and it’s really not that big of a deal. I mean every chance I get to pull an unsuspecting girl’s tit out of whatever she’s wearing I take, and being Russell Simmons pretty much means he can get away with this shit everywhere he goes and there’s nothing wrong with that, because unlike me, the girls embrace that shit and run to the family and friends to brag about how they met him at the beach and how he liked them so much he pulled their tit out, while I just get beat up by their boyfriends or kicked out of the club or bar or coffee shop I am at when I pull those kinds of stunts. I like to think of it as my own version of Turrets, whenever a hot tit is in my face, it’s almost impossible to not grab it, I probably need therapy, but I don’t think it’s anything I have to change….

The real issue is that why shouldn’t Russell Simmons do this to random people. It’s not like her intentions in talking or hanging with him are anything sincere, she’s an opportunist and an opportunist needs to be put in her place, let’s just hope Russell Simmons didn’t stop at pullin her tit out and got a blow job or anal out of all this….

Here’s soap star Nikki Cox showing some tit at some event, I figured it was appropriate, since soap stars are one step away from being pornstars. You know the bored housewives are rubbin one out to these low budget, shit acting, shit story bullshit everyday, so i figured I might as well give the husbands a chance to get off to the same shit their wives are, only without the bad acting, low budget shit stories. Then I realized that she’s probably not on a soap opera anymore, you probably aren’t married, hell, you probably haven’t had sex in months, an hopefully can’t jerk off to some cleavage, because if you can, that makes your story much sadder than I originally thought. But since we’ve come this far, I might as well throw this up there for you.

Here is some Canadian Pussy from Battlestar Gallactica where she plays some kind of android or some shit. I figure the idea of robot women is one you hold close to your heart because they are a lot more realistic that the sex doll you’ve been dreaming about for the last few years but can’t manage to buy since they are expensive, so when I saw her showing off her tit, I figured I’d throw it up there for you.

I guess the idea of having a robot for a wife isn’t so bad, but my rationale isn’t because I can’t get real girls, like you. It is because I have a real life wife and she’s a pain in the ass, who would be a lot more fun to hang out if she had a give me a blow job button or a shut the fuck up and do my laundry button, especially if she looked like the blueprint I have drawn up for the perfect piece of ass. It’s some Weird Science shit that I’ve never really been able to get out of my head since I saw that movie back in ’86.

Mischa Barton is still throwing her tits out all over the motherfuckin’ place, even though they aren’t that big, or fake and I can only assume it’s a cry for attention after being dropped by her management a few months ago, but maybe it’s just part of her drunken and drug addicted downfall because she just realized that she banged Cisco Adler and her new boyfriend is a gay using her to get attention who refuses to fuck her and everytime she climbs up on his lap for a good time, he asks her if they can do it later because he’s trying to learn a new dance move or some shit. Either way, she’s still bustin out of her shirt as best as she can and that’s why I am posting her big ol’ nipple, while thinking of her hottest scene to date as the puking dead chick under the bed in the Sixth Sense.

I never saw the movie Underworld, but I know that is the only reason why virgins and losers everywhere want to get in Kate Beckinsale’s pants. It’s pretty standard for the geeks of the world to be obsessive about things and have trouble letting things go, because they just sit around all day alone thinking too much, without the distractions normal people have, like girls they are fucking, sports they are playing, or booze they are drinking. Geeks just sit in their superiority complex room, looking down on those of us who have fun, dreaming that one day all the money they make will sweep the girls in movies they love off their feet, I guess it gives them hope to keep on living.

Here are some pictures of Kate Beckinsale, with her husband, grabbing at his cock and falling out of her dress, to taunt you with the harsh reality that bitch will never be yours no matter how many fan letters you send her, or how many pictures of her you print and cut out for your Kate Beckinsale scrap book, or how uncanny the resemblance of your sex doll you designed and her really are. I think she’s boring as fuck, but then again, so are you and that’s probably why you are convinced you are soul mates, you weird motherfucker.

So Lauren Conrad’s not famous and either are her tits. She’s not like her reality star friends, who aren’t even reality stars because shit is scripted harder than my prescription pill popping friend, but reality stars because MTV wants you to think it’s real because that makes it more exciting to watch. Either way, she’s bending over and giving your ass a peek at some tit, which brings back memories of every time you leave your house, because you are a pervert and scope out everyone around you out so hard, hoping just one of them will be a woman slippin up with her low cut shirt bending over to pick up her purse, or her lipstick that she dropped so that you have something to jerk off to later and the good news is that you won’t get caught like I always seem to be every time I get caught checking out a girl, but that’s usually because I am hiding in their closet and can’t seem to hold myself back from jumping into the bath or in bed with them when they least expect it. It turns out that not everybody likes a good surprise and that’s all I have to say about that.