I watched Twilight the other day to try to understand the hype. My plan didn’t work out because all I saw was a bullshit, obvious, cliche love story that I guess teenage girls are too stupid to not buy into it. I ended up falling asleep a few minutes into the shit, but I made it til an Ashley Greene part and she is handsdown the best thing to happen to Twilight. Not that that is saying much. It would have been nice if she replaced the ugly one as a main character, but then teenage girls everywhere wouldn’t have bought into the whole thing, because they can relate to an ugly chick far easier than related to a hot one. None of that really matters. What does matter is that she did Maxim in some little shorts and I figured that makes this video worth watching at least a lot more worthy of watching than the New Moon shit they’ve sold millions of dollars in tickets for before shit hits theaters tonight….which on a sidenote will be a great place to be standing drunk around 2 am to hustle horny teenage girls walking out of the theater who’s panties are soaked thru from the movie they just watched….

Twilight is the new kiddie porn, or porn designed for kids and shit is all the fucking rage. This past weekend I caught my friend watching the shit when I showed up to his house by surprise and motherfucker acted more awkward, embarrassed and uncomfortable than I did the time my stepdaugther caught me on the floor of her room sniffing a pair of her panties and jerking off to a picture of Britney Spears when she was 16. Seriously, shit is like a long played out emo music video that gets little girls wet and for that, they should shut down production of the movie, send the producers to jail for trying to seduce underage girls, and save the rest of us from serious garbage that I can’t believe even exists.

Here’s one of the stars, Ashley Greene and her a shitty hard nipple while lost on her way to a meeting, but at least her nipple isn’t as shitty as the project that made her nipple even allowed on the Paramount lot to meet with high powered execs to advance her career.

Pics via Bauer

I am not down with Twilight, but I know a girl who lives around me who talks about it all the time. She’s a virgin, I know that may be a huge surprise and she likes to read all the fucking time. She’s a little more social than most losers. You know she doesn’t lock herself up with her cats and 10 library rentals, but is more into trying to talk about how she plays role playing videogames, how she met the last guy she fucked on World of Warcraft and how she’s never quite forgiving a character from some bullshit science fiction movie for letting another character die. I never really listen, because I avoid weirdos like that as best as I can, but I do hear her talking off every poor fuckers ear she can, her most recent kick has been this Twilight shit that she’s obsessed with and this video of some crazy UK girl that was sent to me over the last few days reminds me of her, so I am sharing it with you.

Watch Her Scary Excitement That the Sequel Will Be Made…