Here is a video of the Cyrus family because I feel like death and figure I might as well make you suffer with me.

I like how she plays the wholesome thing riding the bike with her friends, like she doesn’t get drunk and ride her friends like they were a bike seat without a seat when no one is looking.

I like that when she sees her boyfriend they give each other the “pound” with their fists instead of grabbing him by the balls like she does when no one is looking.

I like how this 21 year old has to pretend he’s fucking 15 to make their creepy union seem less creepy. It’s like watching a pedophile workin’ the easy bake oven at the toy store, if you know what I mean. Sure older people take bike rides, but you can tell this dude would rather be out gambling drinking and doing anything but riding his bike like a teenage girl on her way to the mall, but I guess it’s a small price to pay for his career.

Either way, she’s at that awkward crossroads age where her hormones want dick but society and her publicist want her to stay 13 forever because it makes them all lots of money because apparently playing Hannah Montana when she’s 30 will be creepy as fuck.

I think Miley Cyrus got away with breaking the promise ring clause in her Disney Contract by replacing the shit with a cockring and as long as whatever homie she’s banging has that shit on, she’s legally allowed to claim she’s made a vow to virginity until marriage before god, because let’s face it, the last time I saw a girl in a mini skirt, dressed like a school girl do the splits, was at a strip club and there was a middle aged black man with a ten dollar bill in his mouth under her that she was trying to snatch up with her snatch…..oh…that’s why they call it that…..