Here is some broken down WWE chick, Maria Kanellis and she’s celebrating her big Playboy spread. I guess she looks so happy because it’s pretty much the height of her career and she’s hoping it leads to better jobs for her by getting noticed by the public, instead of just by her creepy WWE fans. I am pretty sure when she was a little broken down slut back in her high school, she had would lie in bed at night and dream about the day a magazine will pay her to pose naked for her, because she realized that all that getting naked for free was only giving her some unwanted pregnancies and a false sense of popularity because the dudes in her school liked that she put out.

The good news is that she can take a beating and that’s what we all need out of a future wife, or girl we cut out naked pictures of and staple to our couches pretending she’s our wife, because when that cut out turns you down when you ask for a blowjob, it’s got another thing coming…so she knows better for next time….

It turns out that a 40 year old Lohan has very little to do now that her career is pretty much non existent so bitch is hitting up one of the classier nights of the week at WWE’s Monday Night Raw. In my life, I’ve never understood much about wrestling or the hype about wrestling other than that every Italian or Greek dude I’ve ever met has had a thing for it and that it is the closest thing to gay porn on TV, because half naked dudes, greased up and pretending to fight by rolling all over each other’s half naked body is what the gays call foreplay.

Maybe I’m just traumatized by wrestling, because I remember when growing up, I knew a kid who always wanted to wrestle and not knowing any better, I went for it. After pinning the motherfucker down, I felt his boner against my leg and realized he was a little too into wrestling for me. Later in life I remember wrestling girl expecting it to lead to fooling around but it turned out that it wasn’t foreplay, it was just rape.

Either way, despite the mask, this dude’s not me, in case you were wondering, because if it was me my had would be up Lohan’s shirt dress and I’d be trying to suck on her haggard face, not to mention I would be wearing my favorite soiled sweatpants and not a shirt that’s got more life than my vomit after a night of drinking…

So I don’t do wrestling but you probably do, because you’re just that kind of guy who also collects action figures and has posters on his bedroom wall from the last Spiderman Movie, or maybe for your favorite heavy metal band, or the Jenna Jameson signed headshot you bought on ebay, you play videogames and you’ve had sex once, at least you think you did, but it was during some kind of role playing game.

Either way, Candice Michelle is some WWE start who was destined for a career in porn that started with this foot fetish video. She was probably some local slut who all the guys already fucked and she figured it was the next logical step since working the diner paid the same in a week as one foot fetish scene. She was a girl with a dream and an ego thinking she had what it took to get guys off on a larger scale than working the stage on amateur stripper night and somehow on the path to porno films the WWE saved her and now you’re waiting in line at conventions for her autograph.

Thanks to Wrestling News Desk For Emailing That In….