How long has it been since you had sex?

[serafina]

.....

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

2 days ago. And 1hr ago with my hand....yea baby.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

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I have a few single friends lol.......

[Kal-El]

It's been over 1 1/2 weeks for me. And its going to get worse since my wife is pregnant.

[mrdavis]

since i bought it in amsterdam in november...

[thermos]

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Kal-El, you must carpe pussy.

You can creampie every single day now? Don't be frightened by the mucus plug, man up, and attack that swollen vagina. When she starts laboring...you can have sex between contractions too.

[edouble]

Had sex on January 1st and 17th. Got road head on the way home from a funeral on the 24th. So far, a pretty good January, though that still means 2 weeks since my wife has touched me...

[tripwire]

serafina it would be my pleasure just to hook a homegirl up

[serafina]

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How old?

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

my youngest friend is 30! But I not sure if I want to corrupt you with some of the guys I know.......lol.......the 30 year old is a state employee, ladies man and never been married(he would be the fun time guy)lol. The others are correctional officers and are a very special group of guys. I would stay away from those guys.lol

[n2tattoos.lol]

fuck all of you.

almost a year for me. :(

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Remember N2 like the shit says it's not gay if you beat them up afterwards.....lol

[Goat Gosselin]

16 hrs ago, 2 days before that and the day before that

and got some penciled in for later tonight

[Bradley Nowell]

It's been long enough that I actually can't remember. I'm married, been together for 11 yrs. So I have a better chance of getting hit by lightning. While hitting a hole-in-one.

[forumlover]

8 NO FUCKING MONTHS

i should get some sunday, if not then def valentines day. LDR's SUCK ASS

[Kal-El]

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I've heard that a woman's sex drive is more rampant starting in the second and third trimesters. I'm looking forward to that, it's just the "getting there" that's killing me.

[jcaf41]

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Before my Marriage it was constant, during my marriage was the same as you state brad, except I would have welcome getting hit by lightning if I knew how much my divorce was going to fuck with me (note to self - do not remarry), and now that I am single again, yeah its been kinda fun. Yesterday at 3pm was my last. Its like being a dumb 18 yr old again, anywhere anytime.

[ms. cellany]

Far too long. Far, far too long. Almost a month ago now? Ugh.

[n2tattoos.lol]

i need to meet some charitable girls.

[beastley]

like 1 day?

[mr.brownfella]

3 months before that plus 1 year!

[effjay]

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Such gusto! It really sounds like you're proud of this, I'd say throw a fuck or a motherfuck in that sentence so we know you're not bragging about your celibacy :D (unless it's by choice, in which case you get both a congrats & a WTF, haha)

Been about two or three days for me, but with all you guys who are married are sure making me rethink my pending nuptials :D

[jamandjelly]

Since early November here. Single life sucks and I'm not too into drunken sex, unfortunatly I have to get a girl drunk to have sex with me. That's how it seems at least.

[edouble]

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Trust me my friend, she will be begging for it as the due date approaches. I guess that chick magazines say that intercourse can help move the little guy along.

Only thing is, a fat, smelly, unshaven chick, with your kid kicking around isn't exactly as sexy as it sounds...


PS- I got some on Saturday!:p

[Jaxcmpletelakofsrpriz]

Pregnant wife gets what she wants.

[Randal Graves]

too fucking long.

[jo_dile]

A very, very, very, very, very long time....:D So long I think my hymen has reattached....:D Im technically a virgin again...lol

[Randal Graves]

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you could always pay for it. there are plenty of guys out there who are willing to fuck for money.

[Boon]

I just had some. With myself.

[jo_dile]

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Im not paying anyone to fuck me...:D

[ms. cellany]

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Come on over Jo, let's end our celibacy! ;)

[surfmagik15]

But I thats pretty much the max when my gf isn't on her period. It's nice having constant sex but the conquest of a one night stand is also a good time.

It's not that I won't have sex with her, she just doesn't like looking like she's bloated.

Trust me girls, when we're getting our dicks wet, we're not looking at your extra "bloat"

[Randal Graves]

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don't be like that. I'd hook you up with a discount.

[Goat Gosselin]

at 5am this morning. i woke up after having a wet dream. not sure if this counts as having sex. otherwise it was the day before yesterday

[jo_dile]

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Its good to know you look out for me. :D







dork ;)

[n2tattoos.lol]

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i'll be going to oklahoma city soon. texas ain't that far...:D

[jo_dile]

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LOL! So tempting......mustttt resssssissssstttt.......;)

[Randal Graves]

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Oklahoma is just as far from Jo as San Diego is.

[jo_dile]

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Shhhhhhh dont tell him, Randal!!!! :D :p

[Randal Graves]

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Don't worry. He's not going to ride his scooter 12 hours.

[jo_dile]

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:) Okay I wont worry. :)

[Randal Graves]

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On second thought, you probably should worry. Once you let your guard down, n2 will strike. Like a ninja.

[jo_dile]

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Oh grasshopper....you have lots to learn....Rule #1-my guard is never down. ;)

[Randal Graves]

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We should go out for drinks. I'll buy you a roofie coloda.

[jo_dile]

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I've missed you...;)

[beastley]

2 days

[ms. cellany]

It's now officially over one month... sucks ass. :rolleyes:

[beastley]

half an hour :):D

[surfmagik15]

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Hopefully your time away will make it that much better next time it happens...

or not

whatever floats your boat

[Jack Hunter]

2 yrs. 2 mos.

[binary_jester]

Tuesday...but looking forward to birfday/valentines sex. w00t!!

[Mr Handlebars]

It's been so long for me, I have to ask,

What's sex??
http://smileyworld.com/dictionary/images/smileys/Emotions/Desperation.gif


Currently accepting applications for prospects. Must have health card and be disease free.

[Sean of the Dead]

10 months so far will be 1 year 1 week when it ends. Sucks being away from home so much.

[thermos]

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Disease free? Why?

You gotta bust the slump man, so break off some bishes with your salmonella stick. It's not the time to be picky....hell, you probably don't have much longer to live anyway, right?

I vote that we all pool our resources and buy Mr. H a dirty hooker.

[DSF Guest 10]

too long. :)

this morning.


and I hate having to wait. :D

[Moose_Thompson]

Two hours. Car sex after work.

[ms. cellany]

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:mad: You both suck.



(I kid, jealousy is a bitch sometimes. :rolleyes: )

[Mr Handlebars]

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Ms. Cellany ..... don't despair. Moose's sex was really masturbation while stuck in traffic.

[Moose_Thompson]

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Always letting the cat out of the bag. Damn you!

[Mr Handlebars]

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Sorry. Was just trying to make Ms. C more cheerful.

[ms. cellany]

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Ha, thanks Mr. H. I'm still cheerful, just envious and horny too. :o

[jamandjelly]

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No reason why a charmer like you should be envious, horny, or both at the same time at least

[ms. cellany]

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And yet I am... :rolleyes:

[jamandjelly]

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Someone alert the authorities

[ms. cellany]

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Wow, if I knew there were people in positions of authority to take care of this, I would've called them long ago!

[McHookerino]

Do I have to answer this honestly? Lets say I'm married you do the math:o

[GhOsTID]

8 months for me I think... I don't remember though. I don't leave my home and just hide here so I don't really expect to get any LOL.

[serafina]

5 days.

[MillyMc]

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haha how long since youve been eaten out since that is apparently a favorite of yorurs?

bj?

[amp182]

two days ago... and as many of us... about half an hour ago with my hand... and thinking about upgrading it with lube sometime in the next hour...

[serafina]

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I think you already know.

[MillyMc]

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whoops, yeah i do. haha tub girl! ;)

[jamandjelly]

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Like fuck patrol?

[ms. cellany]

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Fighting the war against unrequited horniness, one lay at a time? Sure. :rolleyes:

[Boon]

Ahhhhhhhh, exactly twenty-four minutes ago.

[Goat Gosselin]

5 hrs ago while watching the UFC fight from london

[Boon]

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While watching tv FTFW!!!!

[Goat Gosselin]

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almost always watching tv

getting rode out with a remote beside you is a good feeling

[Boon]

And that doesn't bother her, or do you keep it on "mute"?

[Goat Gosselin]

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nope and never on mute

sometimes its fun

we were watching and fucking during some movie, possibly clerks or clerks 2 and the Jackson 5 song came on and i, without realizing started keeping time with the ABC 123 parts. we both started laffing and see even told her friend

gt's

[Randal Graves]

about an hour or so..

[jamandjelly]

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I'm a vet of said war

[ms. cellany]

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Well I hope you won... it seems to be a losing battle for me.

[jamandjelly]

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This war is my Vietnam, except it's a solo war. Well, if you ever decide to come to Eureka I'd buy you a drink at my bar. Yes I have a bar, my version of Cheers where everyone knows my name

[ms. cellany]

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Be careful, I just might take you up on that offer, I'm in Eureka a lot... :)

[thermos]

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*giggles*

I'm SO telling your internet boyfriend about this.

[beastley]

about 2 days now?

[ms. cellany]

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Luckily e-repercussions are not as scary as real life repercussions, like from wives who have no idea of e-personas and said e-persona's deviant behavior.

You know, hypothetically and shit. Just sayin'. ;)

Hi Therm. :D

[thermos]

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You bish.:D


By the balls, I'm strung.

[ms. cellany]

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It's why we're so perfect for each other Therm. Know which buttons to push? Hell, we fondle those buttons. ;)

[scampr]

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Classic!

[thermos]

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If by classic, you mean, scary as fuck, yes.....then it's classic.



Oh yeah, this thread is about sex....not about me getting brutally murdered for wearing my Thermos hat..


I last had sex on Saturday, thanks for asking Serafina. It was okay. Nothing to write home to mommy about. She was ovulating though, that was nice.

[scampr]

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Another shitty flashback!

[ms. cellany]

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Ovulating = horny? Or you trying for another gorgeous daughter? ;)

And see, who am I to bust your balls? You still get laid way more than I do. :D

[Goat Gosselin]

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6 hrs after that while watching family guy

[jamandjelly]

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I guess I'm commited then. Just name the time and I'll tell you the place

[thermos]

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Ovulation = wet and horny, yes. The wafting sex pheromones delight the animal in me.

Content and Download links visible to registered users only.

I feel as though the DSF community must intercede and question you first.

1. How often do you use the word 'moist' in normal conversation?
2. Do you know how to play cribbage?
3. Are you eco-groovy?
4. Do you believe that Ha! > LOL?
5. Will you mind the online ridicule after we learn that she fucked you in the ass with a blue dildo?

That's it for now.

[ms. cellany]

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Has! A gaggle of them. :D I love that when you boil me down, those are the 5 things that stand out to you as the basic tenets of Cellany-ness. Too funny.

[thermos]

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Are you implying that those aren't the basic tenants of Miscellany? Pillars, we shall call them.

I have more but I'm not comfortable sharing them yet. Who knows? This Jamandjelly might try to make some sort of marmalade out of you?

[Mr Handlebars]

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Thermos ...... good thing we got you out there to protect Ms. C's honor. I forgot all about her blue dildo until you mentioned it. I didn't know about the cribbage. Would that be straight cribbage or strip cribbage??

Isn't Ms. C the original practitioner of the Hippy Hippy Shake? I think that falls under the guise of eco-groovy. :)

[ms. cellany]

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If said drink occurs, I'll tell you when and where we're meeting, and if I'm not back posting in the forum in 3 hours, alert the authorities. ;) Ha.

[Mr Handlebars]

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WAs that a LOL Ha or a Ha Ha ha?

[serafina]

Sunday morning.

[effjay]

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Same guy as last time or making the rounds now? You got a little boytoy now?

[serafina]

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The ex.

[Boon]

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Wait, not the guy with the kitten/puppy insensitivity??

[serafina]

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From when my cat went missing, yes. He has since very, very sincerely apologized.

[Boon]

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Was that before or after the sex?

[serafina]

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He has apologized multiple times in the last couple months regarding the situation.

[Boon]

Hmmm, interesting. Just sayin

[serafina]

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I know what you are saying. I do know this man very well though. No surprises.

[jamandjelly]

Wow, such a big topic of conversation. Well I a flabergasted at the intrest, although I thoug all it was was an offter for a beer/beer and a shot/or a cocktail. Am I "eco-groovy"? Well I like this planet I suppose, but anything I do to to be "green" doesn't ammount to shit. As for the blue dildo... like I said all I offered was a drink so stop touching yourselves thinking about anything more than an innocent beverage.

[ms. cellany]

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Thanks for setting them straight JandJ, don't let them scare you.

Thermos is known to have jealousy problems, and apparently takes issue with cribbage. :rolleyes:

[thermos]

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Cribbage is for the gays, yesh....but I am not a jealous man. In fact, I'm strongly encouraging you to get your kanteen kleened.....I'm just trying to install some forum-member-fucking safeguards.

Oh and excuse me for wrongly inferring that this convo was of sexual nature .....what, with the name of the thread being called "when was the last time you had sex" and with you two prattling on about a sexual Vietnam war and such.....SURE it's about drinks.;)

[salumeria]

way too long.....multiple years long.

[effjay]

8 Hrs. got it twice yesterday. Can't complain :D

[Pobs]

bout 4 days now..... not good!

[Boon]

It's been about an hour since I dropped a load in the cum dumpster.


















Still no blowjob though.

[Mr Handlebars]

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STFU Boon. That a lot more than a lot of us are getting. Myself especially.

[Boon]

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Sorry man. But if it makes any difference, I gave a grunt for all my DSF brothers.

[serafina]

Boon didn't she say she would surprise you with a blowjob at her discretion? Stop anticipating and it will happen. Let her have her fun. Or maybe lick her clit for hours. She might feel obligated to reciprocate.

Also dude, count your blessings. As Handlebars said.

[Boon]

Serafina, you know that restaurant that you really like, the one you like to eat at all the time. What if you had to wait to be surprised by them serving you food?

Besides, I eat so much pussy, I cough up hairballs.


BTW, I'll take Handle's recommendation and STFU.

[Goat Gosselin]

had sex twice on friday, nooner on saturday, sex while the gf was loaded from a sleeping pill (goofy not passed out) and a sex dream sunday morning

[Pobs]

Two weeks on Wednesday...... fucking sux

[PANDAmonium]

Last night.

In the butt. :(

[jo_dile]

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LOL....I dont know whether to say congrats or cry. :D How are you Panda?

[Randal Graves]

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nice.



this morning. not it the butt. :(

[Randal Graves]

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it depends if she was awake or not. awake=:D, asleep=:(

[jo_dile]

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HAHAHAHAHA. Awesome. I'll write that one down for next time. :D ;)

[PANDAmonium]

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Haha, in this case I think you should cry.

I was not too enthusiastic about it AT ALL. >:O

[jo_dile]

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Awww....I'm sorry. :( But at least it was some sex....:)

[PANDAmonium]

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Haha I guess this is true.

Another upside is that the boyfriend promised to give me as many back massages as I want ON COMMAND for the rest of the month. Bwahahahaha!

[Randal Graves]

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I can't believe guys negotiate for sex. I'd just jerk off if it came down to it.

[Kyle E. Coyote]

Way too long. Somebody fuck me, please.

In all seriousness, I'm trying to lose weight before hitting the bar scene again. Getting out of the Corps I weighed in at 190, but balooned (I mean fucking BALOONED) to 270 because of a knee injury. Just over two months into the diet I'm hovering around 221.

Which brings me to my next point. You know what I hate even more than not getting laid? Lean-motherfucking-Cuisine.

[Randal Graves]

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chicken carbonara is the best lean cuisine ever.

[PANDAmonium]

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One thing that will make you lose weight like a fucking bulimic is the stomach flu. I had it for four days (I ate some green diner eggs but didn't question them because I'm gross and I'll eat pretty much anything unless it's PARSLEY EWWW!!) and I lost almost 20 pounds. I only weighed 112 to begin with. I am 5'11". I looked like Skeletor. Took me a few days' worth of competitive-speed eating to gain it all back.

I also hate Lean Cuisine because no matter how many of them you eat YOU WILL NEVER BE FULL. You should stick to rice and beans. That shit will fill you up in a second and it never really gets gross. You can dress it up with all sorts of things. When I was little I would put orange soda in my rice because I refused to eat anything that wasn't sweet and bubbly.

[Noffy]

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Unfortunately jerking off isn't a replacement to sex for me. I need both! Fortunately been married 11 years and I don't have to wait for either. Instead of bargaining sex for a months worth of back rubs he should have just started with the back rub and a bit of snuggling and the will follow.

[Randal Graves]

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Or got her drunk.

[effjay]

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Roofie Colada for the lady, I'll have a water.

[pathill]

Uhm, like 'eons' ago? lol :D Well, seriously, I am tad busy working, so am the poor guy I guess. :)

[Kyle E. Coyote]

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Great idea, I'll just catch the stomach flu an-- wait, what? :p

[DSF Guest 10]

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Content and Download links visible to registered users only. You negotiate. All guys do. Most of the time it's tacit.

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hahaha, i love you panda, don't ever leave. :)

[Goat Gosselin]

at noon before i took the woman to work. never fuck while she is watching tyra.
not easy to stay hard

[Mr Handlebars]

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Even that's begging. We know you just love her for her pussy. :p

[DSF Guest 10]

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nope. I love her for her cute glasses.

[Randal Graves]

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werd.

[Randal Graves]

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Now I'm going to make an effort to not negotiate. From now on I'm going to wait for sex to come to me.

[DSF Guest 10]

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you wont make it past a week. I know how it is.

[Sai A'zo]

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lmao, co sign:p

[PANDAmonium]

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Haha my glasses are pretty cute.

A feeble attempt at trying to look smart even though I suck at math. Yes! Not all Asians are good at math! I have been in the same level math class for about four years now. :(

[serafina]

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Feel free to ignore my nerdy comment, but if you ever need any math help you can always ask me. As long as it is not crazy grad level stuff, I can probably be of some service to you.

[PANDAmonium]

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Oh no, I am embarrassed to admit that it was actually pre-calc (:( ) but I finally passed it last semester. Just barely. I'm not stupid! I'm really good at everything BUT math.

[serafina]

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You're definitely not stupid. There are plenty of people who can't even do pre-calc. I'm tutoring one of my roommates in stat, I don't think pre-calc is on her to do list.

[PANDAmonium]

Yikes. I think I could handle stats, it's just when all of these ridiculous complicated formulas and imaginary numbers and trig come into play that I lose it. I have a hard time understanding anything if there's no obvious real-world application for it.

[jo_dile]

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It really looks much more intimidating than it actually is. I took it and passed...and I suck at math too. I even got an A. :)

[Goat Gosselin]

thought this was sex thread not anti sex thead. math pththt


:D

[serafina]

Sorry, I just happen to like math almost as much as I like sex.

[Goat Gosselin]

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i dont think i have ever heard of a girl being taken how cuz the guy was good at math.

after she was taken home maybe, multiples of things is math right?

[DontSnatch]

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thats what happens when your good at it.

[Goat Gosselin]

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so you mean to say math nerd have been getting laid all these years and have been pretending to be virgins? :eek:

[serafina]

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I don't think I quite followed that statement, but intelligence is so sexy to me. There is nothing better than a sexy smart guy.

[DontSnatch]

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hah banging out a page and a half of proofs on some crazy always-can-be-explained concept is way harder than scoring.

[serafina]

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This is soooo true!

[Goat Gosselin]

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multiples of orgasms, did i mention i got 95% on my math blueprinting final 2 weeks ago?

[serafina]

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Math blueprinting? Is that some sort of engineering applied math?

[Goat Gosselin]

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a class within trade school. its math and blueprint reading. just trying to fit in with the math talk, lol

[serafina]

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How cute of you. I don't think I could do anything like that. Blueprints don't sound easy to me.

[Goat Gosselin]

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they are easy. i took a class for 3 yrs in high school designing and drawing them so its not that bad

[DontSnatch]

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i agree serafina. i could do all the integral and vector calculus in the world. but i would die looking at a piece of paper and making it look 3D in my head.

[Goat Gosselin]

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the harder part is ...
damnit, we have hijacked this thread 4fuck sakes

[MillyMc]

the only thing that i ever learned in math was that if you type in 55378008 on your calculator and turned it upside down it said: boobless.

[serafina]

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I remember learning that. Probably one of the most useful things I know.

[Goat Gosselin]

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or 2 calculators with 8008 on them is a pair of boobs

[DontSnatch]

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lol. im definently doing that tomorrow in my physics lab. see how many people have a sense of humour at 830am.

[Goat Gosselin]

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the harder part is looking at blue prints and trying to figure out where everything goes off of usually only one solid point to reference

[serafina]

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Yeah, I'll take my proofs over that.

[Goat Gosselin]

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prob not hundreds of thousand dollars riding on the proofs, but i could be wrong

[serafina]

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Probably not. Which is why I only study it out interest, and have no plans to work in the field.

[Pobs]

anyways..... i thought this was a fuck thread??

[thermos]

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Amazing. You're going to be a stellar engineer. Fanfuckingtastic.

Should we start doing Diffy Q's up in the this bitch?


To bring it back.... I last had sex 2 days ago. First time after 6 days hiatus (I was sick) and it felt mighty fine to spill my sickly seed. I fully believe it's a necessary step in the healing process. Water, chicken broth and then de-spunking.

[DontSnatch]

come on. this isnt the class of 1984. the engineering world has gotten a bit more complicated than just infrastructure.

[thermos]

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LOL @ your brash pretentiousness and silly views on a world you haven't even explored yet. Riiiiight. An engineer that can't visualize 3D modeling or apply practical knowledge def. belongs in the pantheon of significance.

Lemme know how much fun your having designing a shitty wastewater treatment plant or writing a cheap little report for me (outlining where an endangered plant is located in a stream to satisfy the bureaucrats) in a few years.

I'm still in my 20's...btw;)

God, this is by far the lamest post I've ever made. I need to STFU.

[DontSnatch]

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your 20!?!? trying to pick up girls on a forum. god damn it bro. thats pathetic. show some love to the wife.

and i will do fine "in the real world." hell when i graduate ill even mail your my transcript and you can frame it over your own.

[thermos]

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you lack basic comprehension skillz. please stop pursuing your career. I'm at the upper range.


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This point I can't and will never argue. But marriage is a long road, my young friend...and have fun in your own walk. I'm not really trying to 'pick' girls up though (except Jo). I'm just entertaining in the finest form of escapism at work....cuz, um, engineering is SO fucking awesome.


Now assfag, when was the last time YOU had sex? Enough of our trivial banter.

[Boon]

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Oh, I can answer that for him, I noticed that Pobs assfucked him pretty good over the forums last night.










And by "assfucked" I mean pwned

[DSF Guest 10]

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he was all butt hurt after that, too.

[effjay]

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Ha! I see what you did there :D

[Pobs]

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lol - thanks for the props.... not sure i deserve it!

[Boon]

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you know, it was kind of a gay reference as well, so maybe you do deserve it. (nudge, nudge):p

[Pobs]

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look on matter how many times you ask Boon, I am not gonna fuck you up the ass dude!

Seriously no means no! :)

[brodiemaxx]

Its only been a couple of hours but I think its gonna be a while before it happens again. :(

[Goat Gosselin]

last night at 7pm

[shadyhaus009]

Last Saturday Night, Friday afternoon with a can of air, man the cold can feels good on the balls.

[Boon]

I copped head just about an hour ago.

(dances a jig, while a band in the background plays fanfare, confetti and streamers thrown about)

[Boon]

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Dude, check your signature, I believe it was amy who made said request.

[Pobs]

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Good point.... if you'll excuse me I've got business to attend to!

[Goat Gosselin]

sunday night, while watching American History X

and this morning before the gf went to work as i watched sports highlights

[Boon]

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Jesus, could you have chosen a more fucked up movie to fuck to? Or was it the prison shower rape scene that got you in the mood?

[Goat Gosselin]

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haha it was just before that scene actually. i dont pic whats on i just turn on the tv when we get in the room,lol sometimes i find cool stuff to watch. too bad it wasnt the curb stomp scene

[Boon]

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It would have been best to fuck her from behind, on the couch, while firmly planting your foot on her head, during that scene.

[Goat Gosselin]

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i have it on dvd so maybe i will see if we can try that.not sure im that flexible anymore :p

[Boon]

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Um, yeah, I wasn't talking about me fucking you from behind, with my foot on your head.

Fag.

[Goat Gosselin]

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if i wasnt asking you to fuck me. my ass is so tight that even you tiny pencil cock wouldnt get in there, homo

[Boon]

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LOL, easy there tiger.

[Goat Gosselin]

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oh boon you sweet talking bastard

:D

[Boon]

Alright buzz, just bent her over the arm of the couch twenty minutes ago.

Your turn.

[Cactus Jack]

2 weeks

[serafina]

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Yay for Boon! I knew she would come around. Unless of course you gave up and went to other sources.

[Boon]

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Well, I was going to call you...

[DSF Guest 10]

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Bastard! You told me that not two weeks ago! :eek:
:D

[DSF Guest 10]

I had sex on sunday night, basically monday morning. it was amazing. : )

[jchutch2]

Sunday night...We both thought it was pretty much the most pathetic sex the two of us have ever had...

[thermos]

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this made me giggle. you can't hit a grand slam every at-bat, huh? it's good to temper the good with the bad though.....as we wouldn't understand the concept of light without darkness.

any lessons learned?

[Boon]

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Sorry darlin, I must have mis-dialed EvilTart instead. :o

[jcaf41]

8 hours ago.....but I have that Chinese food feeling. After all that eating, I am still not satisfied. ;)

[Boon]

I rubbed one out a couple of hours ago.

[jcaf41]

Thanks for the visual....fucking thanks

[Boon]

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You want a visual? I was thinking about your mom, bent over a wooden sawhorse with her hands and feet bound. A dog chain around her neck was connected to a cinderblock that had been thrown over a tree limb above her. While she was blowing me, I was lighting Roman candles that were stuck in her ass. All the while, your dad was holding a stereo above his head, with America by Neil Diamond blaring at full volume. And he was crying tears of joy.

[jcaf41]

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You really are a sick fuck, my mom's dead and my dad shot himself last year.

How's that for a buzzkill??:eek::eek::eek:

I don't e-hate you like I do "doespenis" though.

[Boon]

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Oh shit, that must have been doespenis' parents then...my bad.

[Goat Gosselin]

had afternoon delight yesterday

[DontSnatch]

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your pretty pathetic boon. its not a masturbation board. if even your wife wont let you stick it in.... thats some sorry sad shit.

[Boon]

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How come there are so many hilarious Canadians, but we get stuck with a boring schmuck like you?

[serafina]

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It's not a masturbation contest Boon, or else we would all be winners. We know that can't be possible amongst this crowd.

[lefthandblack]

Do I have to pay to join the therapy-session?

It's been awhile, a year or two, not sure - I'm in a constant denial.

[Boon]

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Fine, I'll shoot for some booty tomorrow night.

[Randal Graves]

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so...more like six or seven right? are you not able to afford a hooker or are you so grotesque that a hooker won't even fuck you?

[lefthandblack]

Hmm... no it's two years (it's cuming back to me now)
After my divorce I dated a neurotic nymphomaniac for a couple of months.
She wanted to have sex all the time. Couldn't take it. And she wanted me to... nevermind, I'm not that kind of guy. I'll send you her adress.

btw, I don't live in Texas, and I don't plan on getting butt-fucked by a police.

[serafina]

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She wanted you to...?

[lefthandblack]

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Let just say that two people bleeding ain't such a good idea - one of them has to be the doctor (nurse?)...

[Goat Gosselin]

ten mins ago

[serafina]

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Gross.

[jchutch2]

I think there should be some rules in place for this thread...Maybe like, you have to specify if it was with someone of the same sex or if it was a member of another species...

[lefthandblack]

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Or if it was a city... say... PARIS?

[jcaf41]

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Not all things involving blood are gross....just my .02

[Gambas]

16 months.
fuck riyadh.:mad:

[lefthandblack]

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So it took that long to boot your computer!?
Oh, sorry, she made you hold her afterwards?

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

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really there's nothing around there to fuck? not even something ugly and booze.

[serafina]

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I'm curious, please elaborate. Redwings?

[Boon]

Last night I slapped it, spanked it, forced it around the room, pulled the hair, and talked dirty.

















And no, this isn't another masturbation post.

[serafina]

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Did she blow you?

[Boon]

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No. Will you?

[serafina]

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Where do you live?

[Boon]

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I love you.

[serafina]

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Now we know that blow jobs are the way to your heart. Someone should let your lady friend know.

[DontSnatch]

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she's plastic.

[serafina]

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Hahahaha...good one.

[Boon]

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Dude, whatever. She's silicone.

[Gambas]

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definitely there is, but it is just not common, not like in the wild :mad:

[Goat Gosselin]

this morning after coming home from the bar with the gf