Post the most *OFFENSIVE* jokes you know

[TylerB]

Focus:
Post three (3) of the most offensive jokes you know, keep the banter and lulz posts to a minimal and we should have a good collection going here.



How can you tell if it's time to do the dishes?

Look down your pants, if there's a penis, it's not time.

What's the best part about having a bath with a thirteen year old?

She can slick back her hair and look like she's 9.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?

You can't fuck a rock.

[dogstain]

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?

A: They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

[JLE1020]

Q: Why is anal sex better then normal sex?
A: It's warm, it's tight and more degrading to women.

Q : What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
A : Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia.

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Q: Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape?
A: So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow.

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

[TylerB]

How do you get an Ethiopian pregnant?

Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

How manyt black people does it take to shingle a roof?

Depends on how thin you slice them.

What do you call a bunch of old black men in a barn?

Antique farm equipment.

[DSF Guest 1]

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

All of the Mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.

[perko]

Whats the difference between a picnic table and a mexican?

A picnic table can support a family of four

What would you call the jetsons if they were black?

Niggers

What sound does a baby make in the blender?

I dunno i was too busy jerking off

Whats the difference between a sandwich and a baby?

You don't fuck a sandwhich before you eat it


You asked for it :)

[TylerB]

A white priest is walking with a young boy in the forest, they walk for hours and hours, deeper and deeper into the woods and the young boy starts to cry. The priest looks at the boy and says 'Why are you crying? I have to walk back alone.'

What time is bed time at Micheal Jackson's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

What do broccoli and anal sex have in common?

If you don't like being forced to have it as a child, you'll hate it as an adult.

See, I can be offensive and not racist.

[DAS]

What's the best thing about fucking twenty eight year olds?


There's twenty of them!

[DAS]

Apologies in advance,


This Jewish father is sitting down at dinner with his family when his daughter asks...

"Dad, I need fifty dollars for a new prom dress."

Dad replies...

"Forty dollars, what do you need Thirty dollars for?"

[mathiaswvu]

What's the worst part about having sex with a 7 year old?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.

How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl.

What would Princess Di be doing if she were alive today?
Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

[chrisf126]

what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

nothing you already told the bitch twice

how do you baby sit a black baby?...put velcro on the ceiling...how do you get him down?...tell a mexican kid its a pinata

what did hitler tell all the black jews?
get to the back of the oven

[n2tattoos.lol]

hahahahahahahaha....these are awesome

[ReverendPete]

What's the difference between a Harley-Davidson and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?

The location of the dirt-bag

[ata033]

Roosevelt E. Roosevelt came home from school and asks his mama, "Everyone in da turd grade calls me a stupid negro. Why do they make fun of da black people?". His mama replies "Ah, baby. They don't call ya that 'cause you black. They call ya that caus yous 19 years old."

By the way, I don't condone racism; but I did have to chuckle at that one.

[Brammer]

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage...

and a long one:

7 people survive a shipwreck and are stranded on a deserted island. 6 guys and 1 woman. After some time they set up a schedule where the woman has sex with a different guy each day. After a few months the woman gets some tropical disease and dies.
Everything was fine after the first week,
the second week was slighty harder,
the third week was almost unbearable,
and they fourth week they had to bury her...

[DAS]

Little Johnnie is walking down the hall at school talking to his friends.

Suddenly, the topic of conversation turns to dicks.

"My dad has two penises." Johnnie tells his buddies.

"Man, you're full of shit. You can't have two penises. That's impossible," replies Johnnies's friend Eddie.

"No, really... it's true. He has a little one that he uses to go to the bathroom, and he has a big one that he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth."

[DAS]

A young man is staggering about drunk with a key in his hand.

"What's going on 'ere then?" says a passing policeman.

"They stole me bloody car!" shouts the drunk.

"Where did you last see it?" asks the copper.

"On the end of this key!" wails the drunk.

The policeman looks him over and says, "Are you aware, sir, that your penis is hanging out of your trousers?"

"Holy shit!" screams the drunk; "They got me girlfriend too!"

[jbiznuts]

I'll apologize in advance for how offensive these are


Q: Why don't black people ever have nightmares?
A: The only one that had a dream was killed.

Q: Why was it a shame that a black family a four drove off a cliff in a Cadillac?
A: A Cadillac can seat 5.

Q: What happened to the chinese guy who had a full erection when he ran into a brick wall?
A: He broke his nose.

Q: There's a Puerto Rican guy and a black guy in a car, who is driving?
A: The Cops

Q: A mexican guy and a black guy jump out a plane at the same time without parachutes, who hits the ground first?
A: Who cares

Q: There is a 3 family house with a black family on the first floor, a mexican family on the second floor and a white family on the third floor. There was a fire that burnt the house down. Which family survived?
A: The White Family
Q: Why?
A: They were at work

[coldmiller]

Q: What is the perfect gift for a dead baby?
A: A dead Puppy.

Q: What do you do with a dog with no legs?
A: Take it for a drag.

Q: Why don't real women wear watches?
A: There is a clock on the stove.


:p

[rankamateur]

What's blue and red and doesn't like to have sex?

The seven-year-old in the trunk of my car.

[TylerB]

Two gay guys live next to a golf course, they sit outside everyday, and try to pretend to get hit by golf balls. One day, a ball lands feet away from them, so one of the gay guys dives on the ground. A big black guy pokes his head through the bush, the other gay man yells, 'Look what you did to my friend! We're gonna sue your ass off!!!' The black guy looks at them in disgust and says, 'How about you suck my balls!' The gay mans eyes light up and he yells 'Steve, wake up, he wants to settle out of court!!'

[Brammer]

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:D hilarious

how do u stop a baby from drowning?

take your foot off its head

What do you say when you're tv starts floating in the middle of the night?

Freeze N*gger!

How many jews can you fit in a car?

2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 15 in the ashtray

:D old but still funny

[HDkiller]

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I heard this from a friend of mine...

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!

Which makes the joke really funny. :D

[n8van2]

Q: How do you make a little boy cry twice?

A: Wipe your bloody penis on his teddy bear.

[Crazy808]

Q: Whats funnier than finding a dead baby?

A: A dead baby in a clown suit

Q: Whats worse than finding 7 dead babies in a bin?

A: Finding 1 dead baby in 7 bins

[Guy Incognito]

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia.



Q. What's blue and fucks old ladies.
A. Me, in my lucky blue jumper.

A young honeymoon couple are booking in ti their honeymoon suite.
The receptionist asks "Do you have reservations?"
The bride says "Well, I'm not too sure about taking it up the arse"

[Astor]

-What did the blind, deaf, retarted kid get for christmas?

Cancer

-What does a black kid get for christmas?

Your bike

-What do you call a black abortion clinic?

Crime Stoppers

-Why can't stevie Wonder read?

Because he's black

[DSF Guest 10]

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The real question IS: how many REAL black men actually play golf?

[MEGADOUCHE]

What's the difference between a Fag and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

[DAS]

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for the rest of the day after I drop a load in it...

[annahilton]

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder,
the bartender looks at him and asks hey where'd you get that thing?
and the parrot says "i got him in africa they are running around all over the place"


and my second favorite

a blonde girl goes up to a black man at the club and whispers in his ear
"hey why dont you take me home and show me what black guys are famous for?". so he takes her home, beats her up and steals her tv.


an after thought

whats the difference between a black man and a pizza?
a pizza can feed a family of four.

[ata033]

A man walks into a bar and sees an alligator in a kiddie pool next to the bar. He says to the Bartender "Aren't you afraid your gator will hurt someone?" The bartender says "Hell no, this gator is trained and will only do what I want. Here, let me show you." The bartender whips his dick out and punches the gator on the nose. The gator opens its mouth and the bartender puts his dick in the alligator's mouth. After 10 minutes, he puts his dick back in his pants and says to the gator, "Shut it" which makes the alligator shut his mouth. The man says, "Wow, that was amazing." The bartender looks at him and says, "Wanna give it a try?" The man thinks about it, then says, "SHIT YEAH!!!!! But I don't think I can hold my mouth open for 10 minutes."

[moloch]

Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, I've won a trip to see the Pope!"

Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."

The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him,ask him!"

The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask me, young man?"

Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes." The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask.

Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?"

The Pope replies,"Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska." The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"

The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"

To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."

Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!"

The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"

To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah..... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"

The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."

At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!"

[Kyle E. Coyote]

What's the difference between a Jew and a muffin?
The muffin doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

What do you throw a drowning Mexican?
His wife and kids.

How do you starve a black guy?
Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

How does a Mexican go about getting into an honest business?
Typically through the skylight.

[mhump23]

A young girl goes up to her Daddy and says, "Daddy can I borrow the truck?"

Daddy says, " You wanna borrow the truck you gotta suck my cock."

"Eeeyuuu, Daddy!!!" she says.

"No suck, no truck", Daddy says.

"Oh ok....." and she gets on her knees and starts sucking Daddy's cock.

" Eeyuuuuu Daddy your cock tastes like shit!!!!"

"Oh I forgot, your brother's got the truck"



Rim Shot!

[Five Inch Taint]

A Jewish guy and an Irish guy are waliking down the street. They walk by this really hot chick. The Irish guy looks at the Jewish guys and says " We should fuck her!" and the Jewish guy says " Fuck her out of what?"

What's the worst thing about eating hairless pussy?
Taking off the diaper.

Why were there so many Jews at Auschwitz?
The train ride was free

[beandog1983]

I'm voting for Obama in the election this year...he says he's damn sure he can't fix the economy but he is pretty sure he can nigga rig it.

[Glen Quagmire]

A man is talking to a doctor about the condition of his wife. She was in a bad car accident. The Dr. tells the man that he is going to have to give constant care to his wife; cleaning her, changing diapers, feeding her, because she will be bed ridden for the rest of her life.

The man looks in horror at the Dr. and says that he will be able to do all of those things because he loves his wife and wouldnt have it any other way.

The Dr. looks at the man and says......."I'm just fucking with you......she's dead."

[mhump23]

Little Boy comes home from school one day. Mommy asks what did you do today in school?

Little boy says I had sex.

Mom is horrified and tells him to go upstairs and wait for his father to come home.

When Dad gets home, the mother tells him what the little boy said. Feigning anger and concern he says he'll go upstairs and take care of the situation.

As Dad goes upstairs he is beaming with pride that his son is becoming a chip off the old block.

He goes in and talks to his son....

"So Mommy tells me you had sex today."

"Yes sir"

Well......are you going to do it again tomorrow?"

"I don't think so."

"Well why not?"

"Because my butt still hurts...."

[Glen Quagmire]

Q: What was the best thing about the Million Man March?
A: Only three of them missed work.

Q: Why did the jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Someone dropped a quarter.

Q: Did you hear about the jewish child molester?
A: He hid in the bushes and said, "Hey little girl, wanna buy some candy?"

Q: Did you here about Ku Klux Knievel?
A: He tried to jump 100 blacks in a steam roller.

Q: What's the difference between Bigfoot and a hard working black?
A: They have pictures of Bigfoot.

[400-pound Mental Patient]

Q: How do you get 1000 babies in a phone booth?
A: Liquify them in a blender.


Q: How do you get them out?
A: Nachos.


Q: What should you do when your baby is stuck in a blender?
A: Use a straw.


Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
A: You can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork


Q: How long does it take to paint a room with dead babies?
A: Depends how hard you throw em.


Q: What's the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
A: Dead baby doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.


Q: What do you get when you mix a dead baby,and a pint of cum?
A: LUNCH!


Q: What do you get when you slit a baby's throat?
A: An erection.






Annnnnd I'm spent.

[Kyle E. Coyote]

Did you hear about Ku Klux Kineval, the racist stuntman?
He tried to jump fifty blacks in a steamroller

Why do black men cry after sex?
Because of all the pepper spray

What do you call a U-Haul truck in Mexico?
A slow cooker

Why should you never run over a black guy on a bike?
Because it might be your bike

What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black guy in the road?
The dead skunk has skid marks in front of it

How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews fighting over a penny

What do you call a Mexican whore with no legs?
Cunts-way-low

What do football Cheerleeders and Iraqui Women have in Common?
They both Shower after fourth period

How do you fit four Fags on a barstool?
Turn it upside-down

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top?” she asked. “That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered. “So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, “Well, we’re not having any of that faggot shit in our garden.”

[thedooch]

What's the difference between Black people and tires?

Tires don't sing when you throw chains on them.

[TheSNakE]

Why was Jesus so popular with the ladies?:

(Holds arms out like being crucified) Because he was hung like this.


If Christopher Reeves could have been another actor, who would he be?

Christopher Walken

[idahotransplant]

The mayor of San Diego, CA was very worried about a plague of pigeons in San Diego. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of San Diego was full of pigeon crap, the people of San Diego could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads. It was costing a for tune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.


"I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question."


The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue California sky. All the pigeons in San Diego saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The San Diego pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city .

The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.

The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid San Diego of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the $1 million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.





He asked, "Do you have a blue Mexican

[jizzay]

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i've heard
how do you make a 4 year old cry twice?
wipe your bloody dick on her dead mother.

also,
whats funnier than a dead baby
a dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome







Not mine but my buddy told me this one yesterday:


Q: Whats the best thing about a 6 year old girl?
A: After you're done with her, you can turn her over and use her as 6 year-old boy.

[satan666]

For Kyle E.

http://i36.tinypic.com/2vxrrrb.jpg

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying in a ditch?
Phil.

What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AX.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q. What's the best thing about fucking a two year old?
A. Your dick looks MASSIVE in photos.

-What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.




-A man comes home to find his girlfriend packing her bags. he asks her where she's going and she sobs, "I'm leaving you!"
"Why?!" he asks. "Haven't I been good to you? Taken care of you? Given you everything you wanted?"
She replies, "Well, yes... but... all my friends say you're a PEDOPHILE!"
The man smiles gently and tells her, "Ok, slow down there honey. First of all, that's an awful big word for an 11-year-old to be using..."


-There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

[FortySuz&Two]

leave it to dangle:p

[FrankMorris-NYbaby]

Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.

The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.

The robbery begins.

The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," he said.

He goes in the bank with a shotgun while the other waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!"

The second lover while sitting on his shotgun says, "I did! I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

[Striker]

Haha, I saw this thread bumped and my first thought was 'oh no. Pen is going to have a heart attack.' Then I remembered that douche isn't around anymore.

[beastley]

wow, remind me not to read this thread while eating. i almost puked

[Marcusrab]

Ive never onced laughed at a dead baby joke, however.. and maybe this says *alot* about me..

Ive laughed at *ALOT* of black jokes...


so..


#1 Do you guys remember the black guy from the TV show the Jetsons?!

No?! ME EITHER!!! DOESNT THE FUTURE LOOK GREAT!!!!


#2 Two gay guys are walking on the beach and they find a Lamp.. rub it and out flys a Genie.. he is just about to go into his schpeel about giving 3 wishes when he stops and goes

Wait.. are you two guys gay together??

After they reply yes, the genie says,

Ok.. Well, ill make a deal... ill give each of you, one wish and one wish only.

They both talk it over and accept the deal and the first guy immediatley uses his wish..

he says, Id love to have a 100 room gay-sex mansion..

Poof..they arrive in a 100 room gay sex mansion.. they are doing it in every room, all night long.. exausted.. they both fall asleep..

The next thing they know.. their front door is kicked down and a bunch of KKK members find them naked in their rooms...

Confused, One asks the other why all the men are here, and what the rope is about...

The other guy says, well... My wish was that we both be hung like black men.


#3 Why cant Hellen Keller drive?

She's a woman

#4 What long and really hard for a black man?

The first grade

#5 What does F.U.B.U stand for?

Farmers Used-to Buy Us


I have a million of these as they seem to be the only jokes I can remember.




Marcus

[cmetz]

why don't ppl in thailand take a shower?

cause they wash up on shore

[MisterPogo]

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Nigga rig is no longer an acceptable phrase, it is now to be refered to as "presidential solution"

[AlaskaPhil]

http://i100.photobucket.com/albums/m20/alaskaphil/10Commandments.jpg

[jljones83]

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forum is for offensive joke, not pics.

please post in correct forum:
http://drunkenstepfather.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2212
the Funny Pictures - If they made you laff post it here!

[underdogg75]

A plane is decreasing speed rapidly downward, the pilot gets on the intercom and says "i'm sorry it had to come to this folks, but we're gonna have to let some of the luggage go''...the plane continues to decrease speed. Again you hear the pilot over the intercom ''i hate to have to do this, but now we're gonna have to start releasing passengers by alphabet order beginning with the letter 'A!'... AFRICANS, ANY AFRICANS!?... No one answers 'B!' BLACKS ANY BLACKS?! again, silence. 'C!' COLORED PEOPLE, ANY COLORED PEOPLE!?...silence. A black boy in the back turns to his mom and says 'but mom, arent we africans, black, and colored? The mom turns to her son and says "yes son, but today we r NIGGERS so the Mexicans go first"..The little black boy turns to a little Mexican kid sitting next to him and laughs! The Mexican kid laughs back and says fuck you ****** ! 2day Im a WETBACK!

[Randal Graves]

^^I think that joke is over 20 years old. It's not funny and it's barley offensive.

[kingklos]

Q: What does an 80 year old lady taste like?

A: Depends

:D

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q: What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable sex doll.
Guy behind the counter says, ‘Male or female?’
Customer says, ‘Female’
Counter guy asks, ‘Black or white?’
Customer says, ‘White’
Counter guy asks, ‘Christian or Muslim?’
Customer says, ‘What the hell does religion have to do with it?’
Counter guy says, ‘The Muslim one blows itself up’.

[slickricksdick]

Why does it suck to be a black jew?
You always have to sit in the back of the oven.

What do you do when your dishwasher quits working?
Slap the bitch and tell her to get back to work.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares, why was her ass out of the kitchen?

A priest and a rabbi are walking on a sidewalk and pass a playground where a little boy is swinging on the swingset. The priest says "shh, let's go drag that boy into the woods and fuck him." The rabbi replies "out of what?"

If a bird's egg and a black person fall off a tree branch at the same time, which hits first?
The bird's egg, the rope stops the black person halfway down.

What do you get when you cross a mexican and an octopus?
I don't know, but that sumbitch can sure pick some lettuce.

-SRD

[heywoodjablowme]

Frosting

A kid walks into his parents having sex on a couch. The kid asks “what are you doing?” The parents says “baking a cake”.

The next morning, the kid ask “were you really baking a cake?” The parents says “yeah”

Then the kid says “good because i licked the frosting off the couch”

[FortySuz&Two]

Q: what's the difference between a black guy and a large pizza

A: the pizza can feed a family of 4

[slickricksdick]

Why don't black people like blow jobs?
Black people don't like any jobs.

Why do german showerheads have eleven holes?
Jews had ten fingers.

How many jews can you fit in a volkswagen?
All of 'em if you put them in the ash tray.

[jizzay]

A gay guy walks into a tattoo parlor and asks the tattooist if he will tattoo his dick. The artist looks at the guy and said for the right price I will tattoo anything. So the guy sits down, drops his pants and the artist asks him what he wants to get there. " A truck" says the man. "A truck? What kind of truck?" asks the artist. "Make it a 4x4" says the man, " I am going muddin!"

[Renshai]

What do you have when you put 10,000 blacks, 10,000 Mexicans, and 10,000 Jews in a ship, send it out to sea and sink it?
A good start.

What do you call a black billionaire physicist?
Nig*er.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.

What's a Jewish girls favorite wine? (Say it out loud so it sounds like "whine")
I wanna go to Flooooooooooooooooorida...

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her for being bad?
A) Rearrange the furniture.
B) Leave the plunger in the toilet.
C) Put her out to pasture for a few hours.

What did the blind, mute crippled kid get for Christmas?
Cancer.

What did God say to Eve right after she went swimming?
"Awwww, what the fuck! How are we gonna get the smell out of the fish!"

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill himself?
You would too if your name was "ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

What's black, white, and red all over?
Interracial couple in a car crash.

What is red, orange, and blue, and looks really good on hippies?
Fire.

Why is the suicide rate in Poland so low?
You can't jump out of a basement window.

How many WASPs (white Anglo-Saxon Protestant) does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.

How many old Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"Don't trouble yourself, I'll just sit here, in the dark, alone."

That's all I got for now.

[hitman912]

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i dont get it :confused:

[Kyle E. Coyote]

Jews are cheap.

[d3lux3]

why dont girls piss in the morning?

have you ever tried to pull apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich.

[bexxx]

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You sir are made of noob fail

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

Ok.....

-Sure Jesus loves you, but does he swallow?

-Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands!

-Jesus is coming, but he pulled out.


-How much does Jesus love you?

*Spread arms and look mopey*




Q)What did the the hotdog vendor at the bottom of the WTC say?
A)Who ordered the 2 jumbo's?

Q: Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
A: God gave him his gas bill.

And finally:
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
A: Santa Claus goes down the chimney.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Man walking through the woods at night with a little boy.
BOY: "These woods sure are scary!"
MAN: "Dunno what you're complaining about-I have to walk home alone..."


-"there I was, balls deep in this guys ass.

I reach around, He's got a hard-on; what a fag!"

[bexxx]

dangles jokes are made of win :)

[maxbailey]

2 Tramps on a bench.

1st tramp 'Have you shit yourself?'

2nd tramp 'no'

1st 'You sure?'

2nd 'yep'

1st 'smells like you have'

2nd 'well i fucking haven't, ok?'

1st 'you really sure?'

2nd 'look, i'll prove it' pulls down pants to reveal they are caked in shit, front to back.

1st 'see! you have shit yourself!'

2nd 'no i haven't, they were like that when i found them.'


offensive? dunno

funny? made me laugh.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

News just in from America:

Sales of pillow cases and scissors are up 75%.


Q: If you drop an apple and Obama from a tree which will fall first?
A: The apple, the rope around Obama's neck will stop him

Q: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice.

Q: What do you call a barn full of black people?
A: Antique Farm Equipment

Q: How do you know you've been robbed by a Pollock?
A: Your garbage is eaten and your dog is pregnant.

-Whats black and blue and hides in the corner?

A rape victim

-A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"
The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."
The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

-What's better than winning gold at the special olympics?

ice cream!

-What's an activity that 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang Rape


[What's blue and fucks 12 year olds?

Me in my lucky blue suit.


-What's the best sound in the world?

Hearing baby's hips crack under pressure


-Why did the aboriginal abortion clinic shut down?

The ferret died


-What's funnier than the chicken crossing the road?

Rape


-What do you do after raping a deaf girl?

Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum

[moviephile]

A jewish boy says to his father

'Dad can I have 50 dollars"
Dad says"40 dollars, what do You need 30 dollars for?"

[jljones83]

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you, sir, are retarded. read the fucking forum before you post, someone posted that joke about 10 posts ago.

[heywoodjablowme]

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Jeez again? It wasn't even funny the 1st time around

[Kyle E. Coyote]

If you read it out loud in a funny voice it is, but....

[moviephile]

My bad missed it was allready posted

[MillyMc]

Why is it difficult for girls to pee in the morning?






Have you ever tried to pull about grilled cheese?

[jizzay]

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Fail. Try reading 12 posts back.

[JLE1020]

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Alternative punchline

2nd tramp: "Oh, I thought you were asking about today"

[moviephile]

Whats green,blue, red, orange, yellow and purple??

- a black woman dressed for church

[jizzay]

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couldn't it be any woman then? Let me fix that for ya.

[MillyMc]

Jizzay-

Haha I didnt know you were the knock knock police up in here correcting the funnies. Next time I will make sure my joke is on point for you and that it passes your inspection.

[moviephile]

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the "funny" is that black women wear fucked up dresses of many colors to church....White women wear normal dresses.....

You don't include the word black in the lead in... because it would take from the punchline....

and are we nit picking racist jokes now WTF. post a better one and we all laugh at better afro, jew and wife beating jokes....
God bless me some DSF
;)
-LoUIE

[rankamateur]

If Christopher Reeves could have been another actor, who would he be?


I heard that as: what's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken.


Anyway,

What sound does a baby make in a microwave?

Don't know, I'm always busy masturbating.



How do you knock up a Mexican?

Jizz on her feet and let the fruit flies do the rest.

[jizzay]

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ok you do that. Good Boy. Now sit!

[jizzay]

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Well excuse me, if it had been funny in the first place, the basis of a joke, maybe I wouldn't have felt the need to correct it. Thanks, Louie!

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

-It was very sad about Jett Travolta but at least his death was quick.
It was systematic, automatic, in fact, it was grease lightning.


-How can you tell if the guy in the bathroom with you is gay?

He has a hard-on while your raping him!



-Dad is sat at home watching TV, when his 9 year daughter comes home from school. He looks up and she is in tears. Her school blouse is ripped open and her skirt is hitched up and dishevelled.

"What the fuck happened?" He demands

"Well" she replied in tearful sobs and almost hysterical, "I was walking home from school and I took the shortcut through the back lanes"

"AND? AND?" screams Dad trying to get more info

Sob Sob said the little girl "Some man dragged me into the bushes and tore at my blouse"

"OMG, What happened?" asks dad

sob sob cried the poor little girl "He then put his hand up my skirt"

"NO!" shouts Dad "Then?"

Crying through heavy sobs she replies "I cant remember, I blacked out"

"WELL MAKE IT UP, MAKE IT UP!!!" shouts the dad as he starts jerking off.



-In loving memory of his son, John Travolta is set to release a new film at the end of the year, adding to success of the previous trilogy...

Look Who Isn't Talking


-Why did the woman cross the road?

I don't know either, she's suppost to be in the kitchen.


-Why did the woman cross the road?

I don't know either, she's suppose to be in the kitchen.



-Why don't women wear watches?

There's a clock on the stove.


-how do u make a cat woof?
pour petrol on it and light it. Woof!


-"there I was, balls deep in this guys ass.

I reach around, He's got a hard-on; what a fag!"



-2 pedophiles sitting on a park bench and a 8 yr old girl walks past, and one says to the other "fuck she wudda bin hot in her day".


Poem
-There was a little girl who had a little thing,
everytime she went to bed she stuck her finger in,
now she is much older her thing has lost its charm,
now it takes five fingers and half her fucking arm!



-
What similarities do a baby and an old person have?

They're both fun to throw out of moving vehicles.


-Did you hear that McCain wants a recount? Yeah, he says the election was ******-rigged.



-99% of women kiss with their eyes shut,

Which makes it difficult to identify a rapist!

[towdog]

Q: What does an elephant use as a tampon?

A: A Sheep




Q: What does an elephant use as a vibrator?

A: An epileptic pygmy




Q: What's green with 15 breasts?

A: The wheelie bin behind the breast cancer clinic.

[towdog]

Safe Sex Tips
These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life or death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe":

* Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

* Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

* Wash hands thoroughly before fisting goat.

* Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."

* Pull out cat's teeth before pouring gravy over vagina.

* Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

* When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.

* Stock up on free safe-sex pamphlets at local health clinic; use them to make paper-mache genital wrap.

* Before blowing anonymous man in back room of gay bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"

* Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.

* You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.

* To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.

* Avoid talking to homosexuals at all costs.

* If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand to hope for the best.

[towdog]

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for a few minutes or so, squeezing them, moving them back and forth, takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

[towdog]

Becky was on her deathbed with her husband Jake, maintaining a steady vigil by her side.
As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber.
She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Jake," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk." But she was insistent.
"Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake.
"It's alright. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father." Jake mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand.
"Hush now Becky, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," he said.
"You do?" she asked.
"Yes, I do. Why do you think I poisoned you, you stupid slut?"

[towdog]

A leper goes into a Mexican restaurant and says: "I'll have a taco combination plate -- and you'd better make it to go."

The waitress, realizing that the leper is embarrassed by his appearance, says compassionately: "Sir, you're very welcome here. Why don't you sit down and eat here?"

So the leper sits down and when his food comes and he begins to eat, a piece of his earlobe falls into his plate. He hears guests gagging and says to the waitress: "look, I think you'd better just box this food up so I can eat it at home."

"Nonsense," says the waitress. "I won't hear of it."

So he takes a few more bites, and a piece of his nose falls off. More gagging from the patrons. "Look," he says, "I'm making people gag. Please, just box this up for me."

"Sir," says the waitress, "it's not you who's making these people gag. The lady behind you has been dipping tortilla chips in the back of your neck!"

[towdog]

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I believe you might have just bought yourself a fast ride to ban town. I would delete that post pretty quick if you want to stick around.

[salumeria]

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Are there some rules about racial slurs that I was unaware of?

[towdog]

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You can throw down some race jokes, but leave the N word out of it. Panties have been known to get twisted over it, lives have been ruined, babies have cried, world wars have been started.....and that's just here in DSF.

[Pobs]

I could throw in some Jade Goody jokes, but i imagine most ppl wouldn't know who she is!

[salumeria]

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Interesting, I'll keep that in mind.

[mr.brownfella]

Bloody amazing, It's been kind of dead around here, but one post about sharing your OFFENSIVE jokes. Then everyone's got one! I am just saying!

rant over...carry on!!!

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

hey I've always have an offensive joke to tell, but I just forget about this thread.

[mr.brownfella]

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LOL! I am just ranting I could really careless!

[towdog]

Q. What would you get if you crossed a boy with a Catholic priest?
A. One happy priest.

Q. Why didn't Superman save the Twin Towers?
A. Because he's a quadriplegic.

Q. What's 3 feet tall and gives great head?
A. Your son.

Q. How do you re-fit an old whore?
A. Shove a five pound ham up her pussy and pull out the bone.

Q. Why did Hitler kill himself?
A. He got his gas bill.

Q. What should you do if your epileptic grandma is having a seizure in the bathtub?
A. Throw in some Tide and a load of dirty clothes.

Q. How did the john know how many times his favorite whore had gotten fucked that night?
A. He drank her douche and counted the lumps as they went down.

Q. What's the definition of gross?
A. Licking the sweat off your grandpa's back as you fuck him in the ass.

[jakesit]

This is the worst I have ever heard in my life, I can't even believe I am even typing it.

Q: How is dog shit better than a black man?

A: Eventually dog shit turns white and stops stinking.

Yikes that is bad.



Q: What is the first thing a woman does when she gets home from the battered woman's shelter?

A: THE DISHES IF SHE KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR HER!



Q: What is better than winning a Gold Medal at the Special Olympics?

A: Not being a retard.



Sorry if these have already been posted, I didn't notice them when reading the thread.

[Bam-Bam]

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This one cracked me up!

[maxbailey]

My Uncle was a terrible ventriloquist.

When I was little he used to put his hand up my arse and tell me to keep quiet.

[Mr Handlebars]

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That's what I call taking on for the team.l Hope you didn't get too many splinters.

[towdog]

Little Susie was walking up the stairs in church one day. As the priest
was walking by, he looked up and noticed that Little Susie was not
wearing any panties. He called her over and gave her $20 and said,
"Little Susie, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not
good to walk around without any panties on."

Little Susie then went home and gave the money to her mother and asked
her mother to buy panties for her.

When her mother asked where Little Susie got the money from, Little
Susie explained what happened.

Upon hearing how Little Susie got the money, her mother rushed to her
room, whipped off her panties, and put on one of her shortest dresses.
Then she ran out to the church. As soon as she saw the priest coming,
she began to walk up the stairs.

The priest noticed her and called her down.

Little Susie's mother did not want to show that she was expecting
anything, so she walked back to the priest very calmly.

The priest then gave her $1 and said, "Take this money and for God's
Sakes, buy yourself a razor!"

[towdog]

What's the difference between a sheep and a door?
You can't bang a door in the middle of a field.

What's the difference between an ironing board and a blonde?
It's hard to get an ironing board's legs open.

Q. Why are they having so much trouble finding a cure for AIDS?
A. The scientists can't get the little mice to butt fuck.

Definition of an Aeroplane Blonde:
A woman who has bleached her hair but she still has a black box.

What is 6.9?
A delightful activity interrupted by a period.

[towdog]

There once was a girl named Jill
Who used dynamite for a thrill
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat

[towdog]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
close to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full
and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with
both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running
her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is
there anything I can do?"
"Well, as a matter of fact there s. I need you to give him a message"
she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and
allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper
in the ladies room."

[Frovis]

Whats black and blue and hates sex...

The 12 Year old in my trunk.

[PANDAmonium]

How do you fit 1000 jews into a car?

You put 'em in the ashtray!

[PANDAmonium]

What's the different between a pizza and a Jew?

A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.




Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

You'd run away too if your name was "Awrrarrawrrraw."

[towdog]

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shit....coffee all over my keyboard......

[Kyle E. Coyote]

My girlfriend said she wanted twelve inches and she wanted it to hurt... so I fucked her twice and punched her in the cooter.

What is 18" long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? Crib death.

What's blue and never fits properly? A dead epileptic.

Why can't black kids play in the sandbox? The cats keep burying them.

What's the worst part of having a baby? Your dick will smell like diapers for a week.

Why do black people walk around with headaches all the time? They're too proud to pick the cottonball out of the Asprin bottle.

[PANDAmonium]

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Haha it's much funnier when I do it in person. I've dedicated my entire life to mastering the ultimate Hellen Keller impersonation. Because you know, that is SUCH a useful skill.

[KrakeN]

Why do they put cottonballs in the tops of pill bottles?

To remind black people they were slaves before they were drug addicts.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

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should of checked one page back for this joke but nice try.

[DSF Guest 10]

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it wasnt the EXACT same joke... :|

[SirLongFoot]

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cam that shit! :D

[slickricksdick]

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was bad?
They rearranged the furniture while she was outside playing.

If that didn't work, how did they punish her?
They left the plunger in the toilet.

What sucks the most about eating vegetables?
Having to put them back in the hospital bed when you're through.

[Kyle E. Coyote]

Not really offensive, but all the other joke threads are dead.

-A man once told Chuck Norris that there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's. Chuck proved him wrong by eating a Reese's while killing his dog.

-Chuck Norris' orgasm leaves an exit wound.

[butterman]

Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.

Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So fat women can get laid too.

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: You fuck her.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 97.5% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.

:D :D



Q: How do you blind a Chinese person?
A: Put a windshield in front of him.

Q: Why don't men trust women?
A: Would you trust anything that bled for three days and didn't die?

Q: Why do doctors spank babies when they are born?
A: To knock the dicks off the dumb ones.

Q: What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?
A: Kids will eat snot.

[towdog]

A lady and her husband have been arguing back and forth for some time. She makes an appointment to see her doctor and tells him, "My husband has been complaining that my pussy has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't smell anything." The doctor examines her, and then says, "Ma'am, you need an operation." She says, "On my pussy?" He says, "No, on your NOSE!"

[towdog]

What's grosser than gross?
When you ask your grandma what's for dinner and she sits on your face and says tuna.
What's grosser than that?
When you reply saying, I thought I said hold the mayo!

[maxbailey]

What does a bible and a penis have in common?

Both get shoved down your throat by a Priest.

[richard sauce]

What's the best part about being a child molester? Your dick looks so big in their little hands.

[towdog]

Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm.

Q. Why does a rancher fuck a goat at the end of a cliff?
A. So the goat will push back..

Q. Whats the definition of disgusting?
A. Stuffing a dozen oysters into your granny's cunt and sucking out thirteen.

Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes butt?
A. A brain tumor

[Tahiti Jones]

What's better than fucking a dead baby?




NOTHING!!!!!

[nachos1345]

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Fucking your dead mother.

[towdog]

In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or legs
called Philip. One day after school, Johnny goes round his house and knocks
on the door. Philip's mother answers the door, and says, "Yes Johnny, what
can I do for you?"
"Can Philip come out? - we're all skipping in the park"
Philip's mom says, "But Johnny, you know he's got no arms or legs."
"Yeah, I know," says little Johnny, "I just want to see his stumps bleed."

[MEGADOUCHE]

Two fuckin' faggots walk into a bar. They sit down and yell at the bartender in unison, " Hey, fuckstick! Get my fuckin' faggot friend here a drink!" The bartender saunters down to them and asks, "Are you fuckin' faggots, or what?" And in unison, they reply, "Yes!"

[towdog]

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim are already in America.

Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?
A: So they can piss and moan at the same time.

Q: Why is Helen Keller's belly button so deep?
A: Her husband's blind too.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A : Wiped his ass.

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q. What Do You Call A Woman That Works Like A Man??
A. A Lazy Bitch.

Q: What do gay men like to say when in church?
A: Ahhhhh-Men

[MEGADOUCHE]

Two straight guys and two fuckin' faggots walk into a bar. The bartender spots the two fuckin' faggots, and says "We don't serve their kind here!" So the two fuckin' faggots went down the street and hid behind a door. Then some dude got his arm chopped off.

[Grandizer]

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:confused: :confused: :confused:

[amylikewhoa]

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You beautiful intoxicated bastard

[Grandizer]

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Ahhhhhh, thanks for the explanation Amy...

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Somebody's gonna spot this....Nevermind, back to the real jokes.

[towdog]

Scottish Love

We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.

The warm breeze was full of that earthly, musky scent that only those
fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet
whispering of the leaves in the Weeping Willow overhead added the final
touch to the most romantic scene.

We lay there, both naked, I knew I had to have her and have her now.
Without a word being spoken, I managed to move myself to a position of
dominance.

I could feel instantly that this was what she had been waiting for as
she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.

I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.
Then as tension rose, we began the ultimate in sex. Although
inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm,
moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself from ending
it all too soon.

As sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind-blowing climax,
it was all I could do to hold out until the moment we had both been
waiting for was upon us. As it did we rolled together in the now damp
grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long set sun melted into the
darkness of approaching night, as we lay there still entwined in an
amorous embrace, I kissed her long and loving and whispered how good she
had been, and she tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and
whispered:

"Baaaaaaa", then re-joined the flock.

[satan666]

Towdog,I almost forgot about this thread.

thanks for bumping it even if it was with a personal account of your scottish travels :p

[towdog]

Amy: Do you believe in puppy love?
Satan666: I tried it once, but their ass holes are too small.

[towdog]

Q: How can you tell that the letter you received came from a leper colony?
A: Because there is a tongue stuck to the stamp.

Q: What do you call 1,000 lesbians armed with rifles?
A: Militia Etheridge.

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load into it.

Q: Why won't Charlie the Tuna eat his old lady?
A: She smells like people.

Q: What do lesbians like to use for a lubricant?
A: Tartar sauce.

Q: What is the difference between a hobo and a homo?
A: A hobo doesn't have any friends, and a homo has friends up the ass.

Q: Why shouldn't we make fun of handicapped people?
A: Because if it weren't for them, we wouldn't be able to find such neat parking places.

Q: Why do women have vaginas?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do women have faces?
A: So men can tell the vaginas apart.

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia.

[maxbailey]

Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."

"What," the other asks, "green?".

"No," says the first, " a bit sour."

-------------------------------------

Whats the main cause of paedophilia?

Sexy children.

-------------------------------------

Q. What's better than winning in the special Olympics?

A. Having legs

-------------------------------------

A woman goes the doctors.

Woman : I'm feeling a bit run down.
Doctor : Well I'll take some blood tests and take it from there.

A Week Later

Doctor : I think you better sit down, I've got some news. It looks like you'll have to get used to changing nappies.
Woman : What? I'm pregnant.
Doctor : No, you've got bowel cancer.

-------------------------------------

A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms.

"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin.

"My baby!" screams the mother.

"Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse.

However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.

"What are you doing?!" yells the mother.

"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"

[Mr Handlebars]

Lost in Reincarnation...
One night, Tom does what he normally does --- he kisses his wife, crawls into bed and falls asleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe sitting next to him!

"What the heck are you doing in my bedroom...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied. "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog would be too tiring, but a hen would probably have a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself nicely feathered and in a chicken farm. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Doggone it Tom! Wake up! You're messin' up the bed sheets again!"

[lewdown]

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?



You can't peanut butter your dick up a girl's ass.

[Kyle E. Coyote]

Jim, a relatively new employee at an ad agency, is called into his boss' office. His boss tells him that they're working on an account in Japan, and since he's the only one in the office who speaks Japanese, he's going to take a goodwill trip to visit the potential client of what could be a multi-million dollar account. Jim was afraid to take the boss up on his offer, as he lied on his application and didn't speak a word of Japaese. The boss reassured Jim that this trip wouldn't involve any business planning, just a game of golf with the potenital client, Mr. Wong, and that Jim would get 10% of the commission for the acount if he accepted. Fueled by greed, and afraid of being made to look like a liar in front of his co-workers, Jim accepted the offer, figuring that a game of golf couldn't be that hard to pull off. Jim flew to Tokyo a day early to go sightseeing, but didn't find much that interested him. He asked the hotel manager what American businessmen usually did when in Japan, to wich he responded that most of them just hire a hooker. So Jim did. He thought that he was really on his game that night, as his escort really seemed to be enjoying everything that he did to her. After a quick change of positions, the hooker started moaning "Fuka anaboko" with this mysterious smile on her face. Jim was really doing a fantastic job, so he just kept going, figuring that fuka anaboko must mean something along the lines of "great job" in Japanese.
Fast forward to the next day, to Jim's golf outing to Mr. Wong. Jim was, again, really on top of his game, but so was Mr. Wong. They were both slightly under par, tied, in fact, until the last whole. Jim knew his goal was to let Mr. Wong know that he was a worthy opponent, but to let him win by a hair for the sake of the account. He purposely missed a put that have won the game for him. Mr. Wong sank a fantastic 20-yard putt that won him the game by a stroke. Although Jim didn't know a word of Japanese, he tried to find a way to congratulate Mr. Wong. His mind drifted back to what the hooker had said over and over the night before... what was it? Finally, he remembered. "Fuka anaboko, Wong-san", Jim said. In broken English came Wong's reply; "What you mean, it in the wrong hole?"

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

so a black man has finally reached the highest echelon of us government.

too bad he still has to have government subsidized housing.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

A half-Jewish, half-black kid asks his mum, "Am I Jewish or am I black?"
"You're just my son" relpies his mother, "but why do you ask?"
"Well," says the boy, "my friend is selling his bike for ?50 and I don't know whether to be a good Jewish boy and haggle or just stab the cracker cunt and nick it!"

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Elton john went to a tattooist 'I want a picture of a rollsroyce on my cock' The tattooist looks at him and says 'youd be better off with a Land Rover' It wont get stuck in that shit'!


http://www.fapstash.com/out.php/i7534_0.jpg

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

How do you make a hormone?
Stick a rusty fucking chainsaw up her cunt.

Whats black and eats cunt?
Cervical cancer.

What sits at the end of a bed and takes the piss?
A kidney dialysis machine.

What do you call a toddler with a runny nose?
Full.

What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.

What do you do if a kitten spits at you?
Turn the grill down.

You ever seen stevie wonders wife?
Neither has he.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

What did Boy George say to Micheal Jackson?

"You Beat It, and I'll cumma cumma cum."

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q: How do you make a queer shag a woman?


A: Shit in her cunt!!!

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q - How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

A - Your girlfriend has to chew

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q - What's the difference between a queer and a microwave?

A - A microwave doesn't brown your meat!

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

what's hairy and bounces up and down in a baby's crib?
---
--
-
-
-
-
-A pedophiles ass

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q) What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

A) The little boy under my stairs

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Why did martin luther king jr die?
because some dreams do come true



What do you do if you kill a child
videotape it decay


whats blue and pink and dont make a noise
a baby with an elastic band around its neck

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

What do Jacko and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks...

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q:how does an american girl know her mother is on her period?


A:Her brother's dick tastes different!

[Mr Handlebars]

Content and Download links visible to registered users only.
Dangle, I was just starting to write up a tirade about how this wasn't the way you post in this thread, then I realized I wasn't in the Interview the DSFer above you (http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20199) thread.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q: why are Aspirins made white?
A: you want them to work, don't you?

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

The US Army are planning on making a film starring Hugh Grant in IRAQ, its called 1 Wedding and 40 Funerals

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q-- What's the difference between a Christian blow-up doll and a Muslim blow-up doll?

A-- The Muslim one blows itself up.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.

Protestantism: shit won't happen if I work harder.

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?

Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?

Islam: if shit happens, blame the infidels.

Hinduism: this shit happened before.

Hare Krishna: shit happens Ramah Lama Ding Dong.

Rastafarianism: lets smoke this shit!

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Not being handicapped.

[Glen Quagmire]

Treadprints

One night I dreamed I was jogging along my treadmill with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the TV.

In each scene I noticed footprints on the treadmill. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

?You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would jog with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints on the treadmill. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me??

The Lord replied, ?YOU'RE ONLY FOUR YEARS OLD! WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'TRYING PERIODS' OF YOUR LIFE? THE TIMES THAT THERE WERE ONLY ONE SET OF PRINTS WAS THAT TIME YOU HUNG YOURSELF ON THE CORD"

[thermos]

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hahah...I feel special that you emailed this to me already.


Here's a really, really obscene one (in AABBA limerick form)

there once was a jew from the jungle,
who liked to stick things in his bungle.
he bicuriously chose to record and share,
then it became a GIF using freeware,
and his e-life was never the same.

[bexxx]

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LOLfuckin a

[Durbydog]

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Said just like an asshole who can't aford one...

[nachos1345]

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Really? I never would have guessed.

[pisceschef]

A rabbi, a priest, and a fag walk into a bar.
The rabbi says "Hey, isn't that the fuck stick that registered on DSF like three months ago and made his first post insinuating that he compensates for his small dick by owning a Harley?" And the priest says, "Yeah, hey, where's the fag?" And the rabbi says,"Getting a rim job from that self-same cock knocker Durbydog."
I don't remember how it ends.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

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lol...........and the noob bashing begins.

[Durbydog]

Two more ass muching fags with no money...

[nachos1345]

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We know, you just said that.

[Durbydog]

nachos1345: Is this the best your cum soaked brain can come up with? 5500 posts in 10 months? You know there is life outside of your masterbation staion right?
pisschef: You joined two months before me and have 600 posts. wtf you 300 pound cocksucking mammas boy. Get a life...

[nachos1345]

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Goddamn dude, how gay are you?

[Durbydog]

Not as gay as you and your dad...

[nachos1345]

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Oh shit, good one, I just got pwned.

[Boon]

Dammit nachos, that dude smoked your pole in only four posts.

[nachos1345]

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I know, this guy is the master of comebacks.

[Durbydog]

nachos1345: Seeing that you live in the fag capital of the world. How many times have you used these words in real life and ment it?
nachos1345: "I want your sweaty balls on the bridge of my nose.
pisschef: Cum on my face, I love your semen".

[nachos1345]

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I thought San Francisco was the fag capital of the world.

[Boon]

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Say it like you ment it, nachos.

[nachos1345]

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Well, I just figured you would know what i meen.

[pisceschef]

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And the rabbi says "That fucking guy is awesome. Straight to the gay in four posts. The yo mama stuff is coming really soon."

http://i44.tinypic.com/qybggj.jpg

[Boon]

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Are you shur?

[nachos1345]

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Ooh, those are my favorites! :D

[nachos1345]

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Uv coarse im fukkin shur hoo tha fukk du u think ur tawkin two?

[bexxx]

Wow this noob is a dick and you know what they say, you are what you eat...



oh shit i guess i am too

[nachos1345]

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If you were a dick, you'd be the best dick.

[Durbydog]

nachos1345: The way you started talking shit out the gate I thought you were going to be something but now I almost feel bad like I might have hurt your little fairy feeling...

[bexxx]

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If i am what I eat and I am a dick and guys like me does that mean their gay?

[bexxx]

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if the only insult you can come up with has to do with his sexuality you must be insecure about something

[nachos1345]

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Why would you say that, that is very hurtful, my feelings are hurt.

Content and Download links visible to registered users only.

Um... yes. We're all gay.

[pisceschef]

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My understanding is that there must be balls touching for it to be gay but I'm still waiting for the poll to close.

[Choppie]

Nah, Bexxx has eic breasts. She could be rocking a strap-on during coitus and it wouldn't e considered gay. Epic breasts make near anything forgivable.


Seriously, she could shoot my dog. Then show me her breasts, and I'd forgive her in an instant.


Oh, and Noob. Nachos is going to rape you until you love him. Just accept that and we can all move on.

[Boon]

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Wait, wait. It's not legal for gays to marry in California. However, since it's legal in Maine, wouldn't it be YOU who lives more in a fag capital than nachos?

[nachos1345]

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Bitch, you just got blizzowned!

[Choppie]

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It was wishful thinking man. He won't be back for a bit. He's angrily masturbating to all the male attention.

[pisceschef]

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Not to split hairs but perhaps he meant to say fags-living-in-sin capital?

[towdog]

Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles her mouth looks like its throwin' up gang signs.
Yo mama's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.
Yo mama's got one tooth and people call her chomper.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles it looks like her tongue is in jail.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she needs a map to find her tongue.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she uses them to cut chain at the hardware store.
Yo mama's gold tooth is so fake, her whole mouth turned green.
Yo mama's got two gold teeth, one says 24k and the other says "Believe that shit if you want to."
Yo mama's teeth look like Honey Smacks.
Yo mama's teeth are so ugly, she got pulled over for not having dental insurance.
When I looked at Yo mama's teeth, I didn't know whether to smile or to kick a field goal.
Yo mama's teeth are so black, it looks like she's been eatin' coal.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she has to brush them with a butter knife.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she can butter a whole loaf of bread.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she slows down traffic when she smiles.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she drinks water it turns into lemonade.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like she got a job taste testing butter scotch.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when God said "Let there be light", he told her to smile.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth her eyes light up.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she walked into a church, everybody said "I see the light!"
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, crows fly down and pick at them like it was corn.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiled, Dorothy made it to OZ.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she spits butter.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like a cheeseburger.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she's got more gold than Fort Knox.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, you'd think she's been blowin' the Simpsons.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like she's got a Twinkie in her mouth.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles it looks like a Kraft Singles pack.
Yo mama's teeth are so nasty, they make Yuck Mouth afraid of the cavity creeps.
Yo mama's teeth are so big, when she sneezed she bit a hole in her chest.
Yo mama's teeth are so big, her dentist charges her by the tooth.
Yo mama's teeth are so big, it looks like her mom had an affair with Mr. Ed.
Yo mama's teeth are so big, I thought they were piano keys.
Yo mama's missing so many teeth, you can play checkers on her mouth.
Yo mama's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.
Yo mama's so toothless, when she couldn't eat an apple, she just gummed it to death.
Yo mama's got snakeskin teeth.
Yo mama's got shark teeth.
Yo mama's got one tooth in front and one in the back talkin' `bout "Give me a bite."
Yo mama's got so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys.
Yo mama's teeth are so big and gapped, I could run hurdles with them.
Yo mama's teeth are so gapped, bitch has to floss with a garden hose.
Yo mama's teeth are so gapped, her front tooth says "Next tooth one mile."
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she has to suck my dick sideways.
Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail.
Yo mama's got three teeth... one in her mouth and two in her pocket.
Yo mama's got summer teeth... summer in her mouth and summer in her pocket.

[Choppie]

/thread

[Pobs]

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Don't defend the little noob douchebag

[bexxx]

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perhaps we should call him enema bag instead cause you know he's gay and all that

[Pobs]

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as always my dear, you are a genius!

[Boon]

This thread is useless without offensive jokes.

[Pobs]

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Then make one!

[McHookerino]

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Why did my penis cross the road?

To get to another Vagina.

[pisceschef]

Theres a Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani on a train, the Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says 'theres plenty more of that where i come from'.
The others are impressed so the Cuban takes out one of the finest havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says 'theres plenty more of those where i come from'.
Again everyone is rather impressed so the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.....

[pisceschef]

A paki arrives at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter looks him up and down and says "What do YOU want?"
The man says, with a glowing smile, "I'm here for Jesus..."
St. Peter pokes his head around the gates and shouts "JESUS, YOUR TAXI'S HERE!"

[thermos]

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hahahaha....HOLD ON BEXXX?!?!?!


thanks to you quoting this...I realized I fucked the limerick up? I went an AABBC format, not AABBA style. Clearly, I'm an idiot.


I'm off to find another offensive rhyme for 'jungle'. oh and this thread has actually become very offensive but not because of the funnies. ugh.

[bexxx]

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Bung hole?

[Foetus]

http://content.imagesocket.com/images/h_1_8ca.jpg

[strommsarnac]

Kind of a joke but not really.

NAACP - Niggers Aren't Always Colored People.

Ones of my Gram's many black friends told me that back in the late 70's.

[DeaconBlues]

Alright...Offensive Joke Below...











What has 1000 legs and 2 breasts....?









Susan B. Komen Walk for Breast Cancer....

[DontSnatch]

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lol. im going to hell.

[monkefes]

Q: Why don't mexicans play basketball?
A: Because dress shoes get no traction on the court.

[slickricksdick]

Why don't black people like blowjobs?
Black people don't like any jobs.

-SRD

[maxbailey]

A little girl is watching her mum getting changed to go out for the evening.

"What are they?" she asked.

"Those are mummy's breasts," the mother replied.

"Will I get those?" came the next question.

"When you're a little older," answered the girl's mother.

"And what is that?" the little girl asked.

"That's mummy's vagina," the mother answered, a little embarrassed.

"When will I get that?"

"That will happen at around the same time you get your breasts. Now run along and let mummy change."

The little girl ran off into the next room where her father was getting changed out of his work clothes to relax for the evening.

"What's that thing, daddy?" asked the little girl.

"That's daddy's penis," he answered.

"When will I get one of those?" the little girl asked.

"In about an hour."

[maxbailey]

What has long, black curly hair and lips that have never been kissed?

Susan Boyle's pussy.






What's a word beginning with N and ending in R that you wouldn't want to call a black person?


Neighbour.

[imhereforthegangbang]

Q: Why did the little boy cry while sitting on Santa's lap?
A: Santa's erection reminded him of his rapist father.

Q: What would the Flintstone's be called if they were black?
A: Niggers.

Q: What did the blind and deaf boy get for Christmas?
A: Testicular cancer.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a clock?
A: Can't have sex with a clock.

Q: Why did the black guy throw a clock out the window?
A: Cuz niggers are fucking stupid.

[wags126]

How do you circumcise a red neck?

Kick his sister in the chin!

[The Godfather]

Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
A: Who cares?

Q: A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who?s driving?
A: The cop!

Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that?s what God held them by when he was painting them.

Q: What do you get if you search for babboon in dictionary?
A: You get a picture of Robert Mugabe.

Q: What is black, purple,and yellow?
A: A black person goin to church.

Q: How do they make roads in South Africa?
A: They make the black people lay down and have every other one smile.

Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A: A Basketball player.

Q: How can you tell a black person is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: Why are there more black folk then Indians?
A: Because we haven?t played Cowboys and Black folk yet!

Q: How do you break up the "Million Man March"?
A: Fly overhead with helicopters and drop job applications.

Q: Why did the black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: He said: "If I?ze gonna be im-po-tent, I wanna looks im-po-tant."

Q: What do they do with blacks after they die?
A: Gut them and use them as wetsuits.

Q: What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one direction?
A: Jail break

Q: What do you call 4 black guys in a car?
A: Tinted windows.

Q: Why are black ladies pocket books so big?
A: They have to put their lipstick some where.

Q: What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa?
A: A good start.

Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.

Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny.

Q: What has six legs and goes: "Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do"?
A: Three blacks running for the elevator.

Q: What?s the definition of the word "Confusion"?
A: Father?s day in Harlem.

Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam?
A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up and started dancing.

Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person?
A: Ooops, I burnt one!

Q: Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time?
A: He doesn?t know he?s black.

Q: Blacks took over Toys R us.
A: The renamed it to We B toys.

Q: A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant.
A: It?s called Nacho Mama.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person?
A: A Snowblower that Doesn?t work!

Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg?
A: Shit on a stick.

Q: What does an apple and a Negro have in common?
A: They both look soooo pretty hanging from a tree.

Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: Put his food stamps in his work boots.

Q: Why don?t blacks like Tylenol?
A: They have to pick cotton to get to them.

Q: What did the black women get for getting an abortion?
A: Fat cash from crime stoppers.

Q: What does a black person get for Christmas?
A: Your bike!!!

Q: How do you keep black people out of your back yard?
A: Hang one in the front!!

Q: What is the difference between a black and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do you never hit a black on a bike?
A: Because it is probably your bike.

Q: Why are black people so tall?
A: Because their knee grows.

Q: Why do black people wear hats covering their face?
A: So the birds don?t shit on their lips.

Q: What is white with a black asshole?
A: The A-Team

Q: How many black people does it take to single a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice um.

Q: How many black people does it take to pave a road?
A: Depends on how heavy the roller is.

Q: When is the only time u concentrate on a black man.
A: Behind the eyepiece of your rifle.

Q: What?s the difference between batman and a blackman?
A: Batman can go to the store with out robin.

Q: What?s the difference between shit and a black?
A: Eventually Shit turns white and stops stinking.

Q: Is it better to be born black or gay?
A: Black - because you don?t have to tell your folks.

Q: How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.

Q: What?s black and white and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in a car wreck.

Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet?
A: None, it?s a woman?s job.

Q: What?s the definition of black foreplay?
A: Don?t scream or I?ll kill you.

Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren?t black?
A: Ever try and take a rib from a black.

Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the Pole?
A: The Pole because the black had to stop to write "motherfucker" on the wall.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a groundhog?
A: 6 more weeks of basketball season.

Q: Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
A: Because of the pubic hair on their heads.

Q: Did you hear about the new black French restaurant?
A: It?s called Chez What.

Q: What did Lincoln say after his five day drunk?
A: I freed whom.

Q: What?s long, black and smelly?
A: The unemployment line.

Q: Why don?t blacks like blowjobs?
A: They don?t like any jobs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black prostitute with a Chinese woman?
A: A broad that sucks shirts.

Q: Why do blacks raise chickens?
A: To teach their kids how to walk.

Q: How do you make a black nervous?
A: Take him to an auction.

Q: What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A: A black and Decker pecker wrecker.

Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a drum.

Q: Why do blacks smell so bad?
A: So the blind can hate them too.

Q: How did they invent break dancing?
A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.

Q: Why did God invent golf?
A: So white people could dress up like blacks.

Q: What do you call a black man in Thailand?
A: A tycoon.

Q: Why do blacks keep their fly?s open?
A: In case they have to count to eleven.

Q: What do you call a black man in a tree?
A: A branch manager.

Q: What?s the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father?s day.

Q: Who are the two most famous black women in history?
A: Aunt Jemima and Mutha Fucker.

Q: How do you stop a black baby from crying?
A: Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They?re going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

Q: What do you call 4 blacks in a 57 chevy?
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Why do blacks wear white gloves?
A: So they don?t bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.

Q: What is black and has four legs and goes Hol De Doe, Hol De Doe?
A: Two blacks running for the elevator.

Q: Why did God invent the climax?
A: So blacks would know when to stop fucking.

Q: Why did so many blacks get killed in the war?
A: When the Colonel yelled get down, they all got up and danced.

Q: What?s the definition of worthless?
A: A 7′2" black man with a small prick, that can?t play basketball.

Q: What do you call a black with a new bike?
A: A thief.

Q: What do you call a black with a new caddie?
A: A better thief.

Q: Why don?t black kids jump on their beds?
A: Because they?ll stick to the velcro on the ceiling.

Q: How do you get them down once they?re stuck?
A: Tell Mexican kids they?re pinatas.

Q: Did you hear about Klu Klux Kneivel?
A: He tried to jump over 8 blacks with a steam roller.

Q: How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
A: It is not there.

Q: What do you call a black with no arms?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: Why do black women where high heels?
A: So their knuckles don?t drag.

Q: What do you call a black guys condom?
A: A duffle bag.

Q: Why are black guys eyes red after sex? A: From the pepper spray.

Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10,000 black guys?
A: Warden.

Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
A: The quarterback.

Q: Whats wrong with 5 blacks driving a Cadillac off of a cliff?
A: The car holds 6.

Q: How do you get a black man out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: What do you call a black person on birth-control?
A: Crime prevention.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

A half-Jewish, half-black kid asks his mum, "Am I Jewish or am I black?"
"You're just my son" relpies his mother, "but why do you ask?"
"Well," says the boy, "my friend is selling his bike for ?50 and I don't know whether to be a good Jewish boy and haggle or just stab the cracker cunt and nick it!"

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Whats the difference between jam and jelly?





YOU CAN'T JELLY YOUR DICK IN A GIRLS ASS.

[Carlos Spicy Wiener]

Why do chemists put cotton buds in the tops of their drugs bottles?





To remind Blacks they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers

[KrakeN]

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Sorry Dangle...I beat you to this one (see post #122).

[Jules 4D]

o man I love this site:D

[Pobs]

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Thanks for the insight.

Now,

http://i47.tinypic.com/29fbecn.jpg

[pisceschef]

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Post tits or someone will jelly his dick in your ass.

Edit: great minds and all that eh pobsy?

[Expletive]

Why should Pete Townshend make like Cat Stevens and become a Muslim.












Then no one would give a fuck about his pedo pics since the prophet Mohammad's wife A'isha was nine years old.

[Expletive]

What's the difference between an atheist and a zealot







atheist commits suicide and zealots are martyrs.

[Expletive]

why is faggotry better than dykedom?









at least faggots have a hole where as dykes need fake dicks.

[Boon]

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Content and Download links visible to registered users only.

Content and Download links visible to registered users only.


Why can't Expletive tell a joke?







Because normally his mouth is full of cock.

[Expletive]

Hayzeus Martinez convinced dsf'ers to meet him at a jamboree he was hosting and claimed that he had a few fluffers to suck them off, only a few made it since the other members who lived from the mainland couldn't make it. Thus Boon and several members were given hennesy mixed with roofies and compliantly shoved their dicks into a wall on both sides of an enclosed walk way after they were told to do so. Then hayzeus still wearing his mask claimed he would get the fluffers ready,


once in his concealed room, he removed his mask and lo and behold it wasn't hayzeus at all, but instead it was the dastardly villain perez hilton. Upon opening the enclosure and walking through the congress of dicks sticking through several holes,

the dark lord placed his pinky finger to his chin and proclaimed: "Hmmm Buffet."

[Boon]

^^^ you're doing it wrong.

[Kyle E. Coyote]

Hey Expletive, try Googling "jokes" and copy-pasting them in this thread until you get the hang of the whole 'humor' concept. Reading your previous posts, I know it might take awhile, but don't get discouraged, you'll get there.

[spiritwolf_1978]

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fuck that it made me laugh

[aarlo55]

Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.


An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down.
The teacher says, Save the children!
The lawyer yells, FUCK THE CHILDREN!
The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, Is there time?

what's the worst part about eating a vegetable? putting her back in the wheelchair.

[slickricksdick]

Why did the black man cross the road?
Who cares, why was he out of the cotton field?
-SRD

[spiritwolf_1978]

A woman goes into labor and her husband excitedly rushes her to the hospital to give birth. They had been trying to have a child for years, but the woman kept on having miscarriages. They had feared they would never have a child and had almost given up.

The wife goes through labor for 12 long hours. Even though she shits all over the bed while pushing, her husband supports her and they get more and more excited about the child that will soon come into the world.

Finally as the woman gives a last push, the doctor pulls the baby out and announces "it's a boy!"

The man and woman hold each other and cry and laugh and weep together. Finally they have a beautiful child.

The doctor looks at the baby, looks at the nurse, and suddenly tosses the baby across the room to the nurse. The woman screams and the man stares wide eyed at the nurse who catches the baby and smiles. But she then reaches over to a table and picks up a knife and stabs the baby repeatedly in the chest and neck. She throws the baby back to the doctor who holds it by the umbilical cord and swings the child around and around, faster and faster.

The woman and man are horrified and scream "What are you doing to our baby!!! STOP! PLEASE!"

The doctor lets go of the umbilical cord and the baby flies across the room, hits the wall, slides down the wall leaving a trail of blood, and lands in a garbage can full of medical waste.

The doctor and nurse turn to the traumatized couple with smirks on their faces and then burst out laughing. "Can't you people take a fucking joke? It was stillborn!"

[coma_fantasy]

I got hurt falling on the ice the other day. When I got up my wallet, my money, and my keys were gone... must have been black ice.

Why don't the blondes in San Francisco wear mini-skirts??? -Cuz their balls hang out.

What's the difference between a Jew and pizza??? -Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

[aengre]

Q: What's the best thing about child molestation?
A: How big your dick looks in their little hands.