MEGA's Retreat

[MEGADOUCHE]

This is where I'm gonna hang when I can't take the pic whores anymore.

Come join me if you're bored and want to fuck around.

[TheSNakE]

Will this kinda be like Plato's Retreat?

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[MEGADOUCHE]

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Yeah. Like that, but without the Latin or manorgies.

[MEGADOUCHE]

I just realized that my hater badges are gone.

[TheSNakE]

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good, especially the Latin.

[TheSNakE]

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I don't think they were there that long, were they?

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Maybe not. I haven't spent much time here lately. They could have been gone the next day.

[TheSNakE]

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I think they were. Haven't seen a sign of satan in weeks.

[Eccles]

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Guess you're not a hater anymore then

[Eccles]

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He's off hanging out on yachts and being rich like a typical Canadian

[MEGADOUCHE]

I just donated $50 to Herman Cain.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Oh, I'm still a hater. It's just no longer official. Also, British peeps have bad teeth.

[The Godfather]

Can't wait until I get home so I can post some pics ....in this bitch.:evilgrin:

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Pic whores are unwelcome here. Reddit haz a thread for you.

[Foetus]

http://is200.imagesocket.com/thumbs/2011/11/04/2348690-qtp7.jpg (http://www.imagesocket.com/photos/guest/2348690)

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

no other place to put this, so enjoy....

It's Kanye's penis...he likes you

http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/31896059186378348783.jpg (http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/)

[TR]

Post #3807

Bob loves the cock.

[The Godfather]

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Thanks Man!

[The Godfather]

http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/51279704226048968729.jpg (http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/)

[MEGADOUCHE]

I just had a dream that ghosts of zombies were terrorizing my family with watermelons. And if that wasn't spooky enough, the watermelons were covered in cobwebs strewn with dog hair and leaves. Finally, the ghosts combined all the webs and formed a giant cobweb beast. That's when I got pissed off and started motherfucking the thing. Out loud, apparently.

[MEGADOUCHE]

DAE ever get a fart bubble trapped between their buttcheeks? The kind where you can slowly feel it sliding out to freedom? Yuck.

[NookieJunkie]

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Just how fat are you?

[TR]

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Not a question of fat, just a big ass.

[beastley]

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dont worry, i gotcha. it sucks

[MEGADOUCHE]

I had a dream that I was walking my dog in the street, and a fast moving S2000 came up from behind and very nearly ran us over. The car quickly stopped at the sign, and when I got close, I could see the fat bitch driver who was shouting at me to "Get outta (her) lane!"

"Fuck you!" I replied.

"Asshole!" her retort.

So I suggested to her that she find a nice place to feed her fat fucking face. Then I woke up.

The End.

[TheJuice]

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http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/85320721443355343859.jpg
you are the megapoe :D :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

What's the protocol when a weatherbeaten but still serviceable dildo is found in the bushes?

[TheSNakE]

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you can send it to the national dildo exchange. they will refurbish it for a small fee.

[el_victorino]

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Who still has bushes? I thought that ouside the Scary Hairy threads all the girls were clean shaven? I mean, if it's so bushy that you can lose an entire dildo in it, you'd probably want to leave a trail of bread crumbs so you can find your way out when you're done.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Yo Momma.

[el_victorino]

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Nuh uh. That's her armpit hair. It hangs down past her balls.

[MadamMeow]

Dear Mega,

How long until you start charging us for hanging out in your lovely retreat? I must say that I really love what you have done with the place. :D Toodles!

Very truly yours (alot),
MadamMeow

[MEGADOUCHE]

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I would never "charge" you, sweetheart. Unless, by "charge" you mean "dirty assfucking".

[MadamMeow]

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This is excellent news. Unless by "dirty assfucking" you mean "don't wash your ass first", cause I would have to. :( BUT on the plus side if it goes in and comes out clear, I MAY let you talk me into ATM. :evilgrin: lmao. <3

[MEGADOUCHE]

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By "dirty assfucking" I mean roughly knocking those cat ears off, slamming your head into the subway seat, and using your shart as lube.:)

[TR]

Never turn down the opportunity to talk a chick into ATM, it's like a solar elipse, doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's spectacular.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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That's just gross.:mad:

----------------
Now playing: Genesis - Snowbound (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/genesis/track/snowbound)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[MEGADOUCHE]

This morning, I sat down on the toilet. And then I pooped in it. Luckily, there was a roll of paper nearby to clean my buttcrack.

[MadamMeow]

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Will you pull me around by my collar too? :D

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I was meerely talking about making an Automatic Teller Machine transaction...what were you talking about. ;) :evilgrin: lol

[MEGADOUCHE]

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If you beg me to. I might.:p

[MadamMeow]

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Oh if you insist...At risk of being banned from your retreat, here is me begging. I made it myself. :evilgrin:

http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/images/17956418011376342479.jpg (http://lakecityquietpills.com/photo/multihost/)

[MEGADOUCHE]

^^^You're damn right. :)

[TR]

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I'm talking about being naughty.....;)

[pisceschef]

Yo, where all the pics at in this bitch?

Herman Cain doesn't care about white people.

Ashton Kucher is a thespian.

Hello

[brodiemaxx]

It smells like onion farts over here...

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

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sorry, stopped by White Castle on the way home.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Fuckin' Bob. Go to your own thread and shit yourself.:mad:

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

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Sadly I don't have my own thread. I am too afraid to make one, not sure if someone already started one or not and I am too lazy to do a search.:D

[Foetus]

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yes you do

http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8779

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

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I lol'd.

[MEGADOUCHE]

Sometimes, I touch my penis.

[Foetus]

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with Bob's tonsils?

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

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nope, they were removed.

[Foetus]

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because they got in the way?

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

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It's like you have a window into my soul.

[MEGADOUCHE]

I had a dream that I asked my buddy if he could spot me a joint. He said he was down to his last bowl--sorry bro. So I went out looking for some pot. It wasn't hard to find. I was hooked up pretty quickly. Then I woke up.

The End.

[Foetus]

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in 1980?

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Should I have used 'spliff' instead of joint?:confused:

[Foetus]

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i dont fucking know. do i look like i smoke pot?

[MEGADOUCHE]

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I don't smoke pot. But you kinda look like a pothead.

[FAHQ]

I shit in pots sometimes.

[Foetus]

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i shit in posts....sometimes

[MEGADOUCHE]

I had a dream that I worked on an assembly line, and my job was to force a small bag of squishy stuff into a cube shaped container. Over and over and over. Then I woke up.

The End.

[TR]

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Freud would say that Stantz is a cunt.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Stantz would say Freud was droll and predictable.

[TR]

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Proving his hypothesis that Stantz is indeed a cunt.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Nietzsche had a similar theorem.

[FAHQ]

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I like posts that contain pics of shit.:cool:

[MEGADOUCHE]

I'm so right-wing, I had a case of Rush Limbaugh tea shipped to my house. It's actually damn good.

[MEGADOUCHE]

I got drunk twice yesterday. :) But today, only once. :mad:

[TheJuice]

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The day is not yet over, my friend :D

[el_victorino]

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If you got drunk twice yesterday, that means that at some point you quit drinking, and nobody likes a quitter.

[Pobs]

Don't mind me, just here to use the can.

[el_victorino]

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Be sure to flush this time. I know you're proud of your two-foot leaners but nobody wants to see that. Now, twice around with a twist . . . that would be worth bragging about.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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I thought you limeys called it a 'loo'. Stop being so American. I liked you guys better when when you had your own culture. Except for the part where you pronounce it "nick-are-agg-you-ah". That's just silly.

[el_victorino]

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Let's not forget ah loo min ee um.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Don't go there, girlfriend.

Also, I just put on my microfleece PJ's. Now I'm all comfy.:)

[pisceschef]

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A camo snuggie?

[Eccles]

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I have no idea what you're trying to say here

[TheJuice]

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I believe he was going for Nicaragua. What he should have used is my favorite example of the English fucking up their own language: Jaguar. Its not jag-you-are, limeys. Jag-war is closer. :evilgrin:

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Obviously. But that's what I love aboot the Brits.:)

[MEGADOUCHE]

Fox New's Alistair Wanklyn has the most impossibly terrible accent I've ever heard.

[MEGADOUCHE]

My wife has me taking a panel of vitamins/supplements every night. I actually look forward to the cinnamon pill. It's delicious.

[Foetus]

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this is relative to my.......nevermind, i dont care

[MadamMeow]

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I've wondered about those. Since they're pills, if you let them melt in your mouth, is it like sucking on a Cinnamon Altoid :D , or is it like sucking on an aspirin :eek: ?

[el_victorino]

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My wife is a nurse and every morning she hands me a fistful of pills and tells me to take them. She could be slowly poisoning me with arsenic and I'd never know. They could be Viagra, I guess, but more likely saltpeter.

[Foetus]

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more like estrogen, bitch.

[el_victorino]

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No, my tits would be bigger.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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One time I sucked on a fish oil pill until it burst. That was a big mistake. I don't dare suck on the cinnamon pill. It puts a nice holiday flavor in your mouth just in the time it takes to swallow. I recommend you swallow. alot.:)

[MadamMeow]

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What is saltpeter? It sounds raunchy.

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If mean girls suck, nice girls swallow. I had that as a bumper sticker on my first car. My ex took it off my car and didn't like it. He said "don't be a ho". Despite this I like to suck and swallow. I'm a nice mean girl. ;)

[el_victorino]

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Urban myth:


"There used to be a widespread urban legend regarding salt peter that claimed it was added to the food in all male institutions, including the United States Army, as a way to curb libido. It is unlikely that this practice existed, however, since salt peter not only has no such effect, but also can have a number of ill side effects if taken in excess, such as poisoning, reproductive damage, and cancer."

[MadamMeow]

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Well keep that salty peter thing away from me! :eek:

[el_victorino]

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Really?:(

[MEGADOUCHE]

Isn't there a saltpeter pic thread somewhere?

[MEGADOUCHE]

I had a dream that my wife was cheating on me with some dude from Baltimore. She was crying because she felt that if she left me, I would sink into an alcoholic depression, and soon be dead.

LOL.

[MadamMeow]

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No, but this is probable the only good saltpeter pic. The other pics made me want some coke.

http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/forum/showpost.php?p=766199&postcount=9011

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I hope you have a part 2 dream where you do all the spring break girls of Baltimore. You can call it MegaDouche's Douchetacullar Revenge. :D

[Pobs]

Don't mind me... that time of the day.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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I would hire a film crew and everything. And then get drunk.

[MadamMeow]

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You need an epic theme song. How about (to the theme of COPS)

Mega Douche, Mega Douche, whatcha gonna do?
Watcha gonna do when he comes on you.

Mega Douche, Mega Douche, whatcha gonna do?
Watcha gonna DOOOO-OOOOO!

A lot.

:evilgrin:

And while the song is playing, you would be running around jizzing on bitches.

[Bishop]

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Not that they would have cared...

[MEGADOUCHE]

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This is pure genius.:D

[MadamMeow]

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Only the best for you MD. ;) :D

[Bishop]

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Hollywood couldn't write stuff this good...

[MadamMeow]

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That's why my name is MadamMeow and not Hollywood. ;)

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Who the fuck is Hollywood?

[MadamMeow]

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Hollywood is a really convincing transvestite. You would never be able to tell that she has a huge shlong and proceeds to use it to rape everyone. :( And then to top it off he/she steals dreams and credits and tries to not pay you what you deserve. :mad:

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Oh.

I know that dude.

I don't think I like him.

[MadamMeow]

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Someone needs to castrate that monster before things go too far. :evilgrin: I wonder if the penis of Hollywood is like the Holy Grail or something. :confused: There should be rewards for its capture. :cool:

[MEGADOUCHE]

I'm drinking beers. With my face.

[MEGADOUCHE]

Just donated $50 to Newt's campaign.

[TR]

Newt FTW!

[Eccles]

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The girl from Aliens?

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Yes! Mostly because she supports telling the Palestinians to go fuck themselves.

[MEGADOUCHE]

10,001 bitches.

[MEGADOUCHE]

Was 'Empire' Queensryche's last great album?

[MEGADOUCHE]

MODERATOR! Please move my thread to a section that isn't filled with nOObs making boring comments.:mad:

Oh, wait. Nevermind.:(

[el_victorino]

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And a problem ain't one.

[MadamMeow]

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Hello. :) A lot. :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

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O hai.

[MadamMeow]

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I was hoping you had another epic dream. I look forward to those. We may have to start spiking your drink with some drugs to help you. :evilgrin:

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

Mega,

I think we need one of your patented poems.

DSF

[MEGADOUCHE]

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I had a dream that I assbanged a girl wearing cat ears. Okay I made that one up, but I post 'em when I remember 'em.
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I call this one 'turds aplenty'

Turds Aplenty
I miss you so.
Turds Aplenty
I cried when you go'd
Turds Aplenty
Say it ain't so
Turds Aplenty
Fucking whore.

[Bob Wehadababyitsboy]

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Classic sir. You are a true wordsmith

[MadamMeow]

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Gotcha, but daydreams can count if you like. ;)

I like Turds Aplenty. You need a band. You would make a killing selling jingles on itunes. I would buy them. :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

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I need a band. LOL.

[MEGADOUCHE]

It's important to me that I urinate right now.

[MadamMeow]

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You could play your flute. ;)

[TR]

Mega, how do I win friends and influence people?

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Be good looking. With a pussy if possible. Other than that, force your will upon others, and flaunt your money.

[TheSNakE]

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got this in an email years ago.

10 Ways to Make Friends and Allies in the Workplace


10. Ask to borrow someone's pen- bring it to the bathroom- stick it in your butt- then return it and tell the person to smell it- when they tell you that it smells bad- be like, "It should! I had it in my butt!”

9. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

8. Answer every question asked to you with 'fuck if I know!' then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

7. Always walk around with a big smile. Keep one hand down the front of your pants.

6. Run down the hall with your dick out while urinating all over and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!!" Then when it stops. Look down and say...."Oh."

5. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it tell them it’s the fake plastic kind- when they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

4. Before a meeting fill your mouth with custard- then during the meeting put one finger in the air and make like you're hocking up a big loogie- then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say "Beat that!"

3. Inform a male coworker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker," then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good "ass fucking"

2. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the mouth

1. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks- tell everyone how you're just kidding- tell everyone that they're just a bunch of retards.

[TR]

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I'm not good looking and I'm poor. Any other tips?

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Nope. You're fucked.:(

[MadamMeow]

Mega, it's cold today. Can I use your heater in here?

[MEGADOUCHE]

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If you give me a dollar.

[MadamMeow]

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You drive a tough bargain, but ... SOLD!!! Please provide the details of your paypal account.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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no. 5chars

[MEGADOUCHE]

Hello. I can't remember my dreams cuz I'm stoopid. Also, here's some annoying hippie tits at an Occupy rally...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAHiq-Lxs30&feature=related

[MadamMeow]

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:eek: I'm not totally convinced this is a chick. Less face, more bewbs please. :D

[el_victorino]

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Got a lot less interesting when the titties went away and the chanting started.

[MEGADOUCHE]

Wall street is killing our soil. Alot. :mad:

[el_victorino]

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Soylent Green is people! A lot.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Prove it by protesting topless, or GTFO

[el_victorino]

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I protest. Topless. Now stop thinking about my moobs.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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This isn't something I can guarantee.

[Foetus]

mmmmmoobs:)

http://i.imgbox.com/aaovyOL5.gif

[el_victorino]

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All right. Just think about the left one.

[Pobs]

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That's the sexist thing I've seen since Brodie's balls.

[MEGADOUCHE]

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And that's saying something. *still can't get Vic's left moob out of my mind*

[Foetus]

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fixed.

[MEGADOUCHE]

Sometimes, I get sleepy. And then I want to go night-night.

[MEGADOUCHE]

Also, still the five champion, bitches.

[MEGADOUCHE]

Here's hoping 2012 isn't filled with tectonic mayhem and catastrophe. Cheers!

[MadamMeow]

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I have to admit I am nervous, but I have a good feeling that this year will be as perilous as Y2K. :evilgrin:

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Good Girl.:)

[MadamMeow]

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Do I get a treat? :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Check your inbox. I'm forwarding all the repulsive crap Foetus sent me in PM's.

[MadamMeow]

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:eek: Things that have been seen cannot be unseen. :( lol

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Yes. And then he threatened to send pictures of his in-laws if I continued to contact him via PM. This is very serious.

[MadamMeow]

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Could you maybe make a lemon into a lemonade and blackmail him or maybe someone else with the footage? PM on! :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Hmmm. I am gonna fuck that dude over so hard.:mad:

[MEGADOUCHE]

Life ain't nothin but a funny, funny riddle.

[MadamMeow]

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I was all :eek: until I reread the sentence and saw the word "over". Then I was all like "oh my bad yo". So suffice is to say hooked on phonics worked for me! :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

I urinated in the toilet. It felt nice.:)

[MadamMeow]

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I hate when I urinate on the floor by accident. That doesn't feel nice at all. :(

[MEGADOUCHE]

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I wanna watch you do it on the paper.

[MadamMeow]

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Only if you video tape it so I can make some type of pay website out of it. Of course your subscription will be for free. ;) I really could use some side money and pissing on the newspapers on the floor like a dog has a bigger audience than some may realize. :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

Sometimes, I masturbate.:o

[MadamMeow]

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I masturbate a lot. :o :o

[MEGADOUCHE]

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Which begs the obvious response....;)

[MadamMeow]

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:o I'm too scared to post pics in your thread again. :o

But this is my new tool of onslaught that arrived yesterday. :D 8 glorious speeds and 8 glorious patterns. This totally kicks the Hitachi Magic Wands ass and I can get attachments for it too.

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[MEGADOUCHE]

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Don't be afraid my love. It ain't the best thread, but it's better than anything Foetus ever did.

[MadamMeow]

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I for one personally love hanging out in your thread and trying on your clothes. It saddens me the others don't pop in to say hi to you more. :(

So it's decided. If I ever go to post my nekkid pics I will put them here just for you. :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

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YAY!!!:D

[cmetz]

hey, that is all

[MadamMeow]

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Ho. Has in hey, ho. Hey, ho. :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

I remember hating poo
And loving pee.
Riding on the Met-ro-o-o.

[MadamMeow]

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Lol you forever changed this song within my head. Your version is > than the original SoaD one. :D

[MEGADOUCHE]

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What is SoaD?

Also, WTF?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuhsNuIgrws&feature=related

[MEGADOUCHE]

Is the Love Shack really 'where it's at' ?

[MEGADOUCHE]

Pix thread heaven cuz you fucks are out of ideas again.