After looking at these pictures, I remember why Christina Aguilera was the girl I bet my other homeless/welfare friends I could bang. I told them to give me 3 years to work my way into the industry, once there I was planning on seducing her with my sense of humor and work ethic….That 3 year window expired about 5 years ago, and that’s okay. I moved on with my life, and instead of working my way into any industry, I worked my way into a loving wife, and by loving I mean she LOVING to eat, making that whole “working my way in” a hell of a lot more physically trying.

My opinion of X-tina’s style is really irrelevant, I don’t know shit about dressing, or hair and make-up. I am not into the whole 1940’s bleached blond/red lipstick Monroe glam bullshit. Bitch isn’t a lounge singer, she’s a Jewish housewife, I think it’s time to start dressing the part. I do love the one-piece camel toe outfit, that shit makes bitch look like she’s a super hero or Elvis with hot fucking legs.

Bonus: Videos of Christina at Past VMAs (I thought these were the VMA not the Movie Awards, I am an idiot)

2005

Bitch wasn’t there….

2004
Christina and Nelly

2003
The Madonna Kiss -Showing Off her Ass

Singing Dirty and Fighter - it’s a Party Mix

2002
Christina Half Naked - Showin off her new TITS

2001
Andy Dick Plays Daphne Aguilera At the VMAs (he has a stepfather t-shirt)

2000
Christina with Britney - Pre-New Tits

Durst and Aguilera think they are makin musical history (6 years later, no one gives a fuck)