I am - Nick Lachey’s New Girl of the Day
So her name is Kim Kardashian . Which means one thing. She’s Armenian. The only reason I know that is because my lawyer is Armenian and his name ends in “ian”. I used to have a big breasted internet girlfriend who was Armenian too and her name ended in “ian”. I also used to talk to another celebrity blog for about a minute, and they were all Armenian. Their names all ended in “ian” too. I guess I could be wrong, it’s happened before.
On a side note, I used to have a friend named Ian. He wasn’t Armenian. He was white and lived with his mom in a rich part of town. Ian was a really cool guy but had middle child syndrome and that led to a bit of a drug problem. Dude knew the pharmaceutical encyclopedia better than the pharmacist at the pharmacy we worked at together. Ian was a recovering heroin addict when I met him, but felt the need to talk about heroin every fucking day. Ian started coming out to bars with me and getting shit wasted with me and he’d start missing the heroin, but had told himself that he wouldn’t touch the shit. So every night we’d be out and Ian would disappear….I’d hear from him 3 days later only to find out that he went out on a coke binge. Not coke like you and your friends are doing. Motherfucker would shoot it up.
Point of the story is that Ian was a good friend of mine, and shooting cocaine became more and more regular and he had 12 prescriptions from 6 pharmacies and 12 doctores for sleeping pills for when he was coming down, and he’d show up at work all busted up and half dead, and that’s when I started to stop hanging out with him. It’s hard to mack bitches at bars when your partner in crime is in the corner convulsing/drooling or whatever it is that he did. So Ian’s not living in rich part of town anymore, he died when he was 26.
On that note, here’s Nick Lachey’s new girlfriend. Brown and exotic just like my shit after I eat a pineapple.
Cuddles..
