I had a friend who once told me a story of a woman who emailed him thinking he was someone else with the same name. She was asking him if he was going to a mutual friend’s wedding innocently and my friend went along with it. Day after day, he would flirt with her eventually taking it far enough for the girl to ask about his wife and kids and how they’d feel about the whole email relationship to which he answered that he’d give them all up just to be with he for this one night at this mutual friend’s wedding. I don’t know how that ended up but I appreciated the comedic aspect of the whole thing. I am a nice guy and felt bad for the woman who thought this long lost highschool friend of hers wanted to leave his wife and kids to spend only one night with her and I have no idea what actually happened when she bumped into this guy at the wedding, or if she actually left her husband behind to go on an adulturous rampage or if she realized she was emailing the wrong guy….All this to say that random emails directed at someone who isn’t you that land in your inbox can be a lot of fun.

I was given Paris Hilton’s cell number about 6 months ago and never did much with it. I would always call and pretend I was looking for someone named Brenda who was my internet girlfriend who wronged me. It always ended up with her claiming I was crazy and that she was going to call the police, except one day when she texted me asking if I was feeling ok. She never admitted that she was Paris, but it was pretty obvious it was. One night when drunk, I revealed the site as being behind the calls and she hasn’t answered my calls since. She still hasn’t changed the number and I decided to start leaving her random obscure and accidental answering machine messages so that when she checks them, she wonders what the fuck’s going on. This is the first installment.