I don’t have cable so I don’t know if the MTV show this slag Heidi Montag is on has hit yet, but I heard somewhere that it’s going to include a whole lot of bikini scenes and pool parties. I figure that this Montag slut got herself a set of fake tits in preparation for a big summer of shitty TV that will include her in her bikini often and that MTV paid for the tits to bring in ratings. I don’t really have anything wrong with that, I am all for bonuses on the job, especially when they openly advertise to the 15 year old girls everywhere that boys only like big tits, giving them complexes about their small underdeveloped tits, leading to a lot of sex with their first boyfriend with their shit on until they save enough money for their paper route to buy themselves a new set of tits.

I hate implants. I hate the way they feel because it reminds me of sucking on a basketball but more importantly I hate what they do to girls. It takes them from being shy about their shit to using their tits as a fucking party favor. They start wearing low cut shirts, they start pulling their tits out everywhere, they start taking as much cock as they can find because all of a sudden dudes are paying attention to them. What they don’t realize, is that dudes would be paying attention to them just as much if they were pulling their smaller real tits out prior to this new found confidence. I guess this all sounds pretty homo of me, you’d think I’d be the guy in the party screamin for tits to be exposed, and I am, but there’s a real sense of accomplishment when the girl who pulls her tits out is a little shy and modest about her gear rather than a piece of trash whore letting the world know she saved up $6000. I don’t know where I am going with this, but if anyone out there is a girl with smaller tits, remember I love you and that getting these fucking mods done to your body like you were on Pimp My Ride, will only make you a piece of trash in my eyes. The kind of girl I’d convince to let me piss in her mouth and not the kind of girl I’d actually want to spend the afternoon watching sun tan in the park….

All I’ve got to say about this Heidi Montag Character is that at least her fake tits distract me from her busted up old pick-up truck of a face and that’s probably what this insecure bitch who thinks she better looking and more important than she actually was going for…the pictures are posed and probably to promote the stupid show. I guess her tits were a good investment for MTV…