Julien, our Token Gay Blogger, and I had a lengthly conversation over IM chat today about our best methods to keep pounds off, because, seriously we all know nobody likes a fat chick, right? (Or in his case, a fat guy I suppose). He wrote this lovely email] summarizing our conversation. When I asked him if he thought people may get offended, he said he didn’t give a shit, because people with eating disorders are funny, and he’s going to hell anyways.

When I was a little kid I was pretty scrawny but as soon as I hit high school I got really fucking fat. I was totally sublimating my crushes on my male classmates with food, which is a classic gay move. Once I moved to the big city and realized that no self-respecting gay guy is going to fuck a 200 pound, fat 19 year old, I went on the Mary-Kate Olsen diet of Diet Red Bulls and Vodka and Marlboro Lights.

Even though I am wicked skinny now, you can still see in my face that there is a trapped fat kid inside my body just dying to get out. But I’m going to keep him away until I find a rich husband and don’t care what I look like anymore.

Now I know Katherine McPhee had a major eating disorder or some shit but girl’s gotta stick with it. When I see her I can still see a little fat Katherine inside, desperately yearning to binge on KrispeyKremes and Double Whoppers. But if I can keep it off, you can keep it off!!

(snaps fingers)

Julien’s Helpful Hint: Deepthroating can sometimes make you vomit. So go binge all you want and then suck some serious cock. But please run to the bathroom before you purge Guys do NOT appreciate it when you hurl all over their junk (I know from experience, Sorry again Jason!)

Smooch!

Julien

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