I just got a bill for the rubber vaginas a company sent me for some product test I could never do for them because my dick doesn’t work. I was thinking about lining them up and having this gay black dude who hangs out in my neighborhood work his magic on them in video and tell us what he thought the best one was, but I ended up taking them out of the box and tried fucking them all by rubbing my useless dick and saggy balls all up on it because I had hope since they didn’t didn’t smell like whatever my wife’s been cooking in her pants the last few years….

I set up a meeting with the fag to see if he could do anything with them and when I pulled them out they were covered in pubes. He didn’t believe me when I said that it must have been something on my floor. Needless to say, that video probably won’t be happening, but fedEX still managed to hit me up with 60 dollars for customs and that makes me cry on the inside.

Whenever I am sad…I just click my links. Since you’re always sad, I expect you to click my links too. Cuddles.

I don’t know who Ashley Scott is, which is surprising since I’ve been doing this site for so long. I can only assume that hard drinking for so many years has made me lose anything that resembles a memory and that I am just a high-functioning retard at this point. I don’t need to be in a home but I do catch myself sitting in the park hitting 2 rocks together for hours on end while rockin’ back and forth. I like to think it’s part of my charm.

The reality is that I am too ugly for a girl like Ashley Scott to ever considering getting naked for, so I rely on these pictures of her to make me believe that my life isn’t destined to some fat middle-aged whore who made my stop working, taking every bit of masculinity I ever had away from me leaving me nothing more than a fat dude with tits. I was trying to talk dirty to this slut on IM in hopes of bringing some level of my spunk back and she was into cybersex. She wanted me to virtually rape her but I couldn’t pull through. I knew that even in fantasy a rape scene headed by me would end up with my limp dick trying it’s hardest to make it’s way into the promised land, leaving her bored of the role-playing, and leaving me on the corner of the bed limp dick in hand, head bowed in shame and embarrassment possibly with tears of frustration dripping down my face.

I guess that doesn’t really matter to you, I was just saying you should take this pictures to a private part of your mother’s house, like the bathroom, lock the door and rape yourself, because let’s face it, she’s a hell of a lot better than anything you’ll ever land.

Well It’s nice to see that in my weeks absence not much has changed around here. My stepfather Jesus is still a fat asshole and you are still a sexless virgin beating off to pictures on the internet and hoping Mommy doesn’t come in and bust you. Did you miss me? I missed you… The last week or so has been pretty exciting for me, and by exciting I mean drunk and blurry. I don’t remember much to be honest, and the part that I do I wish I could forget.

I went to the bar at The W last weekend, which is a change for me because the bars I usually frequent are pretty seedy with dirty bathrooms that junkies from the street use to shoot up in. I’m not really used to being surrounded by business men in $200 shirts and italian shoes and having to pay for $9 drinks, but when I realized that by simply talking to then men in the $200 shirts and and italian shoes, that would then pay for my drinks things got a little more interesting. I’m no whore, but I am a pretty fucking poor and I’m not the type of poor person that is to proud to take hand outs, in fact I’m quite the opposite.

I ended up meeting this one guy who was actually pretty hot and claimed he was some sort of music executive from Atlanta, which I don’t really believe because I told him I was 25 and worked for an advertising agency, so I’ll just assume he was lying too. The vodka was flowing like water out of the tap and soon enough I was drunk, and his hands were far enough up my dress that it was time we went up to his $500 a night room

I’d like to tell you he had a massive a cock, fucked the shit out of me and gave me multiple orgasms but he didn’t and I didn’t, so I won’t. Instead he had a soft pencil dick that barely got hard, he busted a nut in 30 seconds and when he pulled out, the condom stayed inside like it was scared to come out (I would have been too) I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was fast asleep like a 15 year old which just came for the first time.

I stole 50 from his wallet and all the travel size soap and shampoo as well, put everything from the minibar in my purse and broke the fuck out.

Here’s Anna Faris wearing a pink bra and undies set similar to the ones I was wearing the other night, except her’s don’t have the smell and residue of a bad nights sex on them.

Well actually, they probably do.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

So some mother’s are over-bearing and don’t let their kids out to play. Other mother’s are creepy and teach their kids how to give them full body massages and tie up their bikini tops when they are done with sun-tanning. In both cases the kid turns out faggot.

I once knew a kid who had this crazy mother and she would make him brush her hair every night. She was all creepy and into him doing 100 strokes on each section because it made her hair look healthier. She used him as her own personal hair stylist and would brag to her friends about it. Dude did this for years until he eventually cracked and ran away from home.

I guess the dream was for him to become some kind of hair stylist and a guy all the ladies ran to because he was sensitive and knew how to touch a woman, but it turned out that he was more fucked up about the whole thing than this girl I knew who used to give her uncle handjobs for money. He couldn’t stomach seeing a woman brush her hair and would freak the fuck out everytime one of his girlfriends pulled out her comb. He eventually couldn’t handle looking at hair and ended up shaving his girlfriends head in her sleep. The thought of his mom haunting him, fucked him up sexually and landed him in some kind of institution and jacked on brain meds to try to dilute those memories. I haven’t heard from him since then but it’s safe to say this kid won’t be doing much better in 15 years.

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.