I am all about washed up models wearing stupid costumes to 80s parties with other washed up models only because shit reminds me of every hipster party I’ve ever been too, where motherfuckers rape thrift shops and American Apparel only to act like everyday is Halloween. The difference is that Naomi Campbell is rich and doesn’t have to hide her cocaine from her other hipster friends for fear that they are going to want a bump that will bite into her stash that she won’t be able to replenish until her dad wires her the weekly stipend he has set up for her to go to University, because she’s a rich kid.

I am also all about the fact that bitch is insane and insane girls get me excited, except for this insane girl I once banged who was emotionally unstable. I used a condom even though I am anti condom because I didn’t know what gutter she crawled out of, but she smelled like it wasn’t a very clean one and half way into it, she was begging me to take off the condom and cum inside her because she wanted to feel what it’s like to have my baby….

That scared me enough to finish up fast and run to the bathroom to flush the condom because I didn’t want her to turn it inside out and try to knock herself up. In retrospect, I should have let her have my baby, she would have made a decent mother and has been the only woman to ever ask me to get her pregnant on the first date.

Bonus - Some Slag Named Jenny Frost I’ve Never Heard of at the Same Party

Another Bonus - Kate Moss and her Boyfriend at the Party

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