Here name is Martine McCutcheon and she’s pretty much a nobody in the celebrity circle from what I know and I figured I’d post it because you can relate, but on a smaller scale, like being a nobody within your family circle and I’m not talking about the comic, I’m talking about your parents and siblings pretending you don’t exist.

I figured that if the papsmearazzi are taking the time to take pictures of her fat ass and throwing them up on the internet, at least one of you knows who she is and has pictures of her on your wall because you’re so hip and hate the mainstream so much that you go for the girl no one’s ever heard of and no one finds hot to obsess over because it broadens your chances of dating her since no one else wants to and because you don’t want to be just another Alba pre-pregnancy fan.

I guess the more likely situation in these pictures is that the paparazzi saw this nobody on the beach and were like “look how bloated this bitch looks”. thinking she was just some everyday person on vacation and decided to take some pictures for to bust out at dinner parties to laugh at bloated bitches in bikinis, kinda like when I go out to the public pool and try to snap off shots of the people who have no business being in a bikini.

Either way, I get too much slack for being a woman hater and objectifying women and putting unrealistic pressure on girls, despite being married to a fat lady, and I figure this is the best way to redeem myself. There’s room for everyone on this site, that just may not be the case for Matine McCutcheon at the movie theatre, on a plane or even trying to squeeze into an amusement park ride, but I guess that’s what happens when donuts are your one true passion. Cuddles.