Keeley Hazell is some naturally big breasted 21 year old who has made a living doing lame photoshoots because people want to fuck her. She is also the star of her very own sex tape that was leaked in January of last year where you could watch people actually fuck her.

These pictures of Keeley are from a photoshoot she did promoting Lynx bodyspray, which is an affordable way to shower when you don’t have a home with a bathroom because it is a lot less expensive than getting a place with a bathroom. I guess it’s also a good way for people to whore shower themselves on days they just don’t feel like washing, which is every day for me, but that’s just because I am a lazy slob and feel comfortable in my own stink…and if I was so inclined to whore shower myself, I’d just walk to the drug store and spray myself with actual designer cologne pretending I was trying to decide between the Burberry and the Jean Paul Gauthier before leaving empty handed but smelling glorious and luxurious like I was a designer human…..or some shit….

Speaking of shit, Keely’s bikini is brown, I wonder what kind of stains her drippy ass is covering up. Yeah, I probably should have left that last line out, it was pretty fucking weak, but so am I…hold me.

I bet at least one of you has been sitting in your sweat covered folding chair in front of your computer in your messy basement amongst cut outs of random pictures of girls in bikinis and cum covered kleenex and t-shirts sprawled around your room waiting for day two of Coleen McLoughlin pictures to hit because you are creepy and have nothing better to do and she’s your fucking favorite.

I know that I definitely wasn’t that guy, but that’s just because I’ve never heard of this bitch and I can’t afford folding chairs or Kleenex, I’m more into using junk mail flyers for all my personal hygiene needs if I am not too lazy.

Either way, here are day two bikini pictures of this bitch and it turns out that I answer dreams, even if it’s just for one dude who no one talks to because he smells. That makes me feel like a modern day Princess Diana amongst Aids babies or some shit….only I’m not dead….

Drunken table scraps Kirsten Dunst never stopped drinking, people just stopped caring. I remember a time when every time she went out and got drunk everyone wanted to know, but then real celebrities started crawling into the gutter and all of a sudden the bitch who was always in the gutter became totally irrelevant to us because we like to watch people’s demise, we just don’t like watching people who started at the bottom staying at the bottom because it gets boring and maybe that’s the reason she drinks….

Either way, this is what Star reported:

“She desperately needed help,” a source in Utah tells Star. “She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears.

“She not in a good place right now, but thankfully, she’s getting the help she needs.”

Via Star Magazine

I guess she signed into rehab in efforts to show people how crazy she is, and that she is in a bad place like Britney and Lohan too and she’s not some washed up drunk, but that’s just because she didn’t shower. What she didn’t realize is that we all realized how crazy she was the night she drank a 40 of whiskey and pissed all over herself at the company Christmas party before trying to finger bang the bosses daughter. No wait, that was me….

Either way, we aren’t laughin’ at how you finally cracked, we are laughing at how you slur your words, you drunken bitch.

Rehab is useless and designed for losers are people trying to clean up their image, since Kirsten has no image to clean up I can only assume she’s a fuckin’ loser.

These pictures are old.

I figure that when you’re a useless bitch who has no business being famous other than being in the right place at the right time and having a fake friendship with a girl who happened to already be on a MTV show leading you to getting some guest appearances then later a staring roll on her own MTV show have nothing better to do than get new tits for better ratings and a somehow land a shitty record deal to show off those tits in song.

Anyway, here are some pictures of Heidi Montag and her fake tits trying on dresses she’s going to be wearing to the Grammy awards she wasn’t invited too because the industry doesn’t consider her famous enough, but I hear she’s going to a great party at her mom’s house where they all dress up and give each other fake awards in a fake ceremony they put on to celebrate her fake career…and her fake tits…..and this is her trying on outfits for that event. Cuddles.

Here’s a clip from some piece of shit TV show that I suggest you never watch and I am not even going to bother finding out what it’s called because it looks that bad, I just know that Carmen is talking about how she doesn’t take care of her junk and needed a bidet to hose that shit down. I guess after fucking people like Dennis Rodman and all the other dirty cock that’s come her way….the toilet paper just irritates the ass and pussy scabs…and spraying water on it is a hell of a lot abrasive.

Then again, this could just be a bad joke with the hot girl talking about wiping her shitty asshole badly because it’s so unexpected so everyone laughs because you assume hot chicks are perfect and that you could eat dinner off her perfect anus so hearing her say she doesn’t wipe shocks us all into uncontrollable giggles or some shit…..except for maybe the perverts who are into scat and are too busy jerking off to the thought of her stinky dirty poo covered ass.

Nothing like shitty acting, shitty jokes and shit covered Carmen Electras to start my day.