Jessica Simpson’s Nipples Do Esquire of the Day
Jessica Simpson is in Esquire and I am not down with the way she’s aging, not sure why but I feel like everyday she looks more and more like a dude. The good news is that she’s got some tits and those tits have hard nipples and I guess that compensates for her pro-athlete lookin’ face.
I was watching some Carson Daly shit last night at a girl I met at Starbucks’ house and Perez Hilton was on talking about how he was making out with John Mayer while Jessica was rubbing Mayer’s crotch. Now I don’t care for Perez or his gay stories with singer/song writing homos who aren’t out of the closet with their homosexuality, but the fact that he’s doing gay shit isn’t a testament to how shitty Jessica is in bed, it’s just proof that bitch looks enough like a dude to attract dudes who are on the fence with their sexuality. She’s the kind of girl down with male-male-female threesomes for her sexually confused boyfriend and that makes her someone you’d probably like to get to know because your theory is that as long as there’s a chick in the room with you and another naked erect man, you’re in the clear and don’t have to come out to your family.
More proof that bitch attracts closet cases is that she’s dating a football quarterback. Football may be the most abusive sport out there with men tackling men in spandex who all go to the locker room to shower together when the games over, but it sounds a whole lot like a gay porno storyline to me and if you were a closet cased homo in highschool, you’d probably be more drawn to that extra curricular activity than starting a band to lure all the slutty girls into your basement with….
I guess my theories don’t matter, just look at the pics.
April 9th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I’m suprised no one has noticed that the top 1/2in of Jessicas nipples are making their presence known in the pic with her first name running down the left side of her body.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Nice pics. Jessica still looks good to me.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
its embaressing that i have to share my fucking birthday with someone so fucking talentless ugly and lame.
April 13th, 2008 at 10:02 am
I always thought she was a spitter. That’s why she can’t keep a man. You would think her dad would have taught her better.
April 13th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
THIS SUCS GO TO HELL BITCHES!