One of life’s recent great mysteries is how Ashlee Simpson got pregnant when the person she married has a vagina. I guess another one of life’s great mysteries will be when her kid subtracts his birthday by his parent’s wedding day and realizes that there are a couple months missing leading the little unfortunate fucker to knowing that he was an accident and that his good little Christian family is just fronting for the media because everyone knows Christians don’t fuck before marriage, especially with some cocksucker who may not be the anti-christ but is such a piece of garbage as a person tha you could only assume is something Satan shat up after eating too much Mexican food.

I guess the good news is that with pregnancy comes a newfound sluttiness because girls know it’s the end of them as they were and from now on are either pregnant or chicks with baggage when they are back on the market because their little girl husbands decide to fuck off with the pool boy after spending 6 months showing him his asymetric hair down there, and by down their I mean on his asshole.

Either way, she’s got solid cleavage and that’s good enough for me and probably good enough for you.