Kourtney Kardashian is the hottest Kardashian sister, which isn’t saying much since one of them is a fucking monster and the other one is fat. I guess the good news about having a fat sister is that it’s easy to be the pretty one and when you’re the pretty one - you don’t have to work as hard to get ahead, you can just ride out the fat ones fame from her sex tape without actually having to film yourself getting fucked like a whore because you have self respect and get all the positive attention you need without having to throw out your tits in hopes of getting a compliment because your daddy was too busy to give all three of you equal attention, but always managed to find time for you because you were the cute one and the other ones were too busy fighting over the oreos….

BONUS: Kim Kardashian and Her Fat Tits in Miami from Awhile Ago

The paparazzi are on my ass again for allegedly posting pictures that belong to them and I figured that these pictures they took of Jennifer Aniston with John Mayer because they look illegal to me. They are at some pool and the pics are taken from what’s gotta be a tree or a hotel room balcony with some psycho zoom lens because they look like some serious stalker shit that would normally land someone in jail for harassment but instead can be sold for insane prices to magazines, tv shows and blogs.

I was listening to the local news today and I heard a story about an all-girls school in a state of panic. Some dude they call a peeping tom, who isn’t me, is parking outside school grounds with some insane zoom lens and taking pics of these underage school girls for what I can only assume is for his masturbation. Dude’s totally planned this shit out and drives his van up there and parks in what he thinks is a clever location with his high-end equipment and gets rightfully called a predator and everyone freaks the fuck out to find him and prosecute him. All while the paparazzi are doing essentially the same thing and their only punishment is getting rich off the shit. The law is twisted and I think I am going to start petitioning the local government to put an end to them. It’s really my only option at this point.

It turns out that even party sluts need a break every once in a while, you know sometimes they just want to put the binge drinking, late night coke parties, random hook ups, dancing on the bar in a bikini top like an eternal spring break party on the back burner to feel like a normal person. They usually do this by settling down with some random guy they met in the club and it lasts for about a week, until she realizes how fuckin’ boring relationships are and she ends up sneaking out when dude is asleep and goes back to her party slut ways.

The good news is that in the meantime, Tara Reid is settling down by getting in a bikini on the beach with the dude she’s using to feel like a normal 35 year old, because bitch’s body looks pretty fuckin’ banging and drunk or not, I’m down with staring at it.

So it turns out that Lohan’s lesbian cock is some David Spade-lookin’ motherfucker and she’s grabbing onto Lohan’s coattails as hard as her little lesbian hands can because she wants all the exposure she can get while Lohan’s letting her lick her pussy. Samanth Ronson is a fuckin’ mess of a person and the reason she went dyke is obviously because dudes refused to get up in that all her life but girls are more forgiving and find beauty in shit kinda like drunk guys. Either way, here’s Lohan and her David Spade latch-on.

Here are some pictures of Fergie performing with her big ass. I kinda miss the crystal meth days when she was picking her scabs off her arms and eating them in hopes of getting a fix and crawling through the gutter collecting cans to take back to the grocery store for money for her next fix. It’s one of those success stories where you go to the people from the past and say “look at me now motherfuckers” as she cruises by in her Bentley, only in this case everyone from her past is dead because meth is just that good.

I guess Jennifer Aniston is trying to deal with failed relationships and the whole biological clock tickin’ shit by spending all her time on the beach in the sun while fucking John Mayer when he’s not too busy to fuck her, with what I hope is with a vasectomy dick, despite celebrities not being into the whole safe sex concept, because this bitch is hungry for babies. She’s the kind of girl who you have to bring your own condom for fear that she poked a hole in the shit and you have to either flush that fucker down the toilet or tie it up and stick it in your pocket because the second you pass out you know she’s got it flipped inside out in attempts to knock herself up. She’s the kind of girl who stopped taking the pill by conveniently doesn’t tell you and begs for you to cum inside her instead of on her tits like she normally wants which sets off alarms in your head that you don’t listen too because you’re about to bust inside Jennifer Aniston depsite how boring she looks in a bikini she’s still worth the fuck and if you’re someone like me, she’s worth knocking up because she’s probably a lot less annoying than my wife and has a lot more money and I think knocking her up is a fair trade off for a better lifestyle. I’m a whore like that.

I am still drunk from last night and I’m lookin’ at these pictures and all I’m seeing is some pudgy faced slut, who slammed DJ AM for a while, who has probably been working out a little because she’s got the confidence to wear tight pants, but then again, she could just be wrongfully showing off her ass because of all the positive feedback she constantly gets from a group of very well paid assistants who are there to tell her how great she is and from her fans because she’s one of those girls who has a whole lot of obsessive compulsive virgins collectors who think she’s the chosen one.

Truth is, it looks pretty ok to me, but then again I am still drunk and haven’t had sex in a really long fuckin’ time, so I am equally attracted to plastic bag of dry cleaning she’s carrying, but that’s just because I have a thing for dresses that can’t be machine washed or get wet. They are just so high maintenance and classy and remind me of my wife. Not because she’s high maintenance or classy, but because she’s too big for the bathtub and has to wash herself in the winter using this powder, in the summer we just hose the bitch down.

Either way, here’s Mandy Moore’s ass in tight pants.

Brooke Hogan is sad that her parents are staging a divorce and that her dad is running around with her older friend and mentor because bitches look the same. She’s so upset that the attention isn’t on her that’s she’s gone out and peed herself like a 2 year old kid because she knows that will get mommy and daddy’s attention and in some juvenile way, hopes that her emotional breakdown will bring their family together.

I never understood why kids were such pussies about their parents splitting up. It seems like a way better situation to be in. You don’t have to listen to the fuckers fight all the time, you have two homes so you can always escape whichever parent is pissing you off and the guilt your parents have for being failures by starting a family with someone they wrongfully thought they would stay with and the social shitstain they’ve become in their community leads to overcompensation that usually comes in the form of a lot of gifts. Whenever I see a kid cry about his parent’s divorcing I always laugh at how self-important people are, like their little bullshit family unit is relevant to the rest of the fuckin’ world and they should just look on the fuckin’ brightside instead of pulling a Lohan and blaming the divorce for her self-destruction. Shit’s fuckin’ weak so Brooke Hogan better pull the fuckin’ diaper up, shut the fuck up and film a fuckin’ sex tape because I want to know if she’s actually got a pussy or not because she’s broad and I like to think that’s the only revenge I can see fitting to show her parent’s how their failed marriage destroyed her that benefits me.

Here are some pictures of Geri Spice looking like a 7 year old on a bike ride with her dad and figured some of you would be into that. It sure beats hanging out outside the park and potentially getting arrested…doesn’t it? You sick fuck.

It’s Summer and all these French sluts are out trying to get healthy to balance out their cocaine snorting, hard drinking, chain smoking and bad eating that leaves their faces about 10 years older than they actually are. Some of them are out on their bikes getting the fucking way while wearing their spandex and sports bras, other girls are out jogging wearing their spandex and sports bras and that’s when I decided that working out in public should be banned for hot chicks. That shit is like watching a fuckin’ porno and I think less rapes would go down if they didn’t let hot chicks into gyms or out in public in spandex. Don’t get me wrong, I love the shit, but that’s all part of the problem. The state should issue treadmills to hot girls to work out at home, while leaving gyms for fat sluts no one wants to fuck because it would make the world a better place and maybe if the hot chicks in Spandex stop making an appearance, so will the fat dudes who think it’s cool to wear bike shorts will disappear too.

Jennifer Aniston was out in a bikini this weekend and you probably were too, which is a little awkward since it belonged to your sister and you were wearing it while watching porn because it makes you feel pretty. I guess Jennifer Aniston’s sex life involves a lot of porn since she hasn’t fully recovered from losing Brad Pitt to Angelina. The truth is that Aniston looks pretty good but there’s just something about her that makes her have little to no sex appeal. I remember watching Friends in the 90s because it was the only place to find hard nipples on prime time TV, making her like the only girl in your class willing to fuck you amongst a group of other girls a false sense of being hot.

This post is as boring as these pictures but that’s just the way it is when you’re dealing with Jennifer Aniston. The only thing interesting about her is that this Greek ass likes getting fucked because that’s just the Greek way…..and your way cuz you’re gay…way to gay….

I met a girl where I meet all the girls I know and that’s at the stripclub this weekend. Strippers always act like they are celebrities, or unattainable, or more important than they are and try their best to avoid having to talk to me and when they do they try to make me feel like I’m lucky to be talking to them, but the truth is that it’s one of the only places where 10 dollars puts that ego aside and leads to me grabbing their tits within about a minute of approaching them. The are just high volume shitty prostitutes that try to convince themselves that they are celebrities and I like to single out the one with the most attitude to use.

Either way, this weekend, the stripper was some fitness bitch who was more acrobatic than the other lazy sluts. She was bouncing off the walls, flipping herself in all ways possible and knew how to work the crowd because she spread her ass apart on stage like it was a cheap porno shoot. She had a hard face from years of smoking, drinking and drugs and her body was fuckin’ tight and she was doing it all to a Fergie song and I thought that I just witnessed some kind of ironic moment, but don’t know what the word ironic means so can’t be too sure….

Here’s Fergie in a bikini from this past weekend with her tight body and hard face….unfortunately she’s not spreading her ass like my Fergie was, but I guess this is as close as she gets….since she’s famous and doesn’t need to do it to pay her rent which is really too bad because Fergie was a drug addicted child star who burnt through all her money and could have either gone deeper into the gutter, but somehow managed to get out that makes us the real losers in this whole recovery shit…

Everyone posted these pictures of Hayden Panettiere in a pair of short shorts showing off her shitty thick body and I wasn’t allowed to because they belong to my good friends at Flynet who are emailing my host to shut me down for using their pictures. Just to let them know that I may not be allowed to post their shit, I can still get my point across and that point today is that Hayden’s pretty much nothing much to look at but here are some Hayden Panettiere’s Proving She’s Got a Vagina With Her Vagina Huggin’ Shorts to make up for my inability to post the new pics thanks to the big bad paparazzi machine that hates me.