Audrina was out in a bathing suit with her sister’s teeth recently and I really have nothing to say about this family, other than that something really went wrong. I am thinking that they may have lived by power lines, or maybe there was lead in the water or asbestos in the walls or maybe their mom was an addict, but whatever the fuck happened it made both of them retards. I am pretty tired of ugly skinny chicks with fake tits getting way more love than they deserve because America is filled with fat chicks, so by comarisson they are hot, because when I look at Audrina, I don’t see anything attractive, but I do see something that should probably be wearing a bike helmet while standing on the street corner with a sign begging for change to feed her cat.

It is up to you to make these people from The Hills go away. All you have to do is stop watching the fucking show. I think now is a good time to start.

”’

If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted yet, it’s because I got this email last night and it threw me off and forced me to keep drinking til 6 am or at least made a decent excuse for me to drink…..

I know you have a whole schtick about being drunk and fat and lazy…no doubt I believe your fat and lazy, but the whole gimmick about being drunk 24/7, I don’t buy it…I actually used to be a big fan of your site, but then every single post became “such and such in a bikini of the day”/ “such and such bikini pictures”….the shits not entertaining anymore, and I got sick of it. In fact that’s what every single celebrity blog post is now a day, bikini pictures….your site used to have shit that no one else had and I came to you first, but now it’s a last resort…see I actually am drunk, unlike you who I’m pretty sure just makes drunk jokes to seem like you don’t give a shit but in all reality do, and I started this email as a random whiny pissy rant to get you to check your spelling, because you suck horribly at it….if you have a blog that generates at least some of the respectful “fans” you used to have, at least spell check your shit and don’t insult our intelligence….if your being dead serious about why you have no traffic on the site, it’s because you’ve lost your talent, I wish you had it back, but seriously, I used to love your site, and now it’s just advertising for bullshit webcam girls/bikini pictures/teens on photobucket….don’t get me wrong, I love tits as much as the next guy, but dude, you stopped trying a while ago….hugs and kisses motherfucker

Now my public response to this is that I don’t pretend I am drunk all day, when I do the site I am usually not drinking but recovering from drinking and planning my next drink. I don’t claim to be an alcoholic or glamorize it, it is just one of the few things I do and like doing so I write about it.

I agree that bikini and celebrity pictures you can find anywhere are boring, I wish I had some exclusive content ideas and resources to go out there and expose shit, cover shit and produce good shit, but I don’t so I work with what I have and can afford and if that means ripping off other sites and forums, it’s what I am going to do.

I don’t check my spelling because I hate reading shit I already write, I am not an educated English professor and I am pretty much just winging it, if that’s not professional enough for you, that sucks, but I am not insulting your intelligence, but more showing you my lack of intelligence.

If I got lazy. the truth is I work on the site more now than I ever have……

If I lost whatever talent you think I had, then I guess that’s a good thing because it means that at one point I was a talent, something I never believed I was in anyway.

I have pretty much no advertisers, I link to a couple cam sites to pay for the server and I don’t think I ever did try.

I appreciate the feedback, but next time I hope it isn’t sent by someone who’s emails is “NewFoundGlory” because anyone who liked that pop punk suburban cover band enough to name their email after it, it really someone I can’t take seriously, so I’ll just keep doing what I do, while you sing along to the suburban punk versions of whatever shitty songs they sing while driving your car feeling at one with the music.

It’s okay to hate, I learnt a long time ago that you can’t make everyone happy and have made an effort to make as many people as possible unhappy, so maybe this is just a sign of my success. It’s also okay to get bored of this site because God knows the 90 percent of the time I am, but then again I have a limited attention span.

Either way, here’s some pictures of Audrina because she has no talent also and I feel like that is our bond, it looks like she is too stupid to realize that she’s useless as she blesses what looks like her slut sister’s offspring, like she was the real Jesus or some shit and I guess that’s what makes ignorance bliss. More to come…..

Audrina is a useless slut and she’s trying to milk all the fame she can by getting in a bikini as often as possible and now she’s taken it to the next level by agreeing to do some kind of joke for that Jew Chelsea Lately’s show where she pretends to be dating a midget. I am guessing shit’s a play on the whole Verne Troyer sex tape shit, or maybe they just think the idea of a retarded looking half-rate celebrity dating a midget is just so fucking funny, because people aren’t supposed to date midgets they are supposed to watch them get shot out of cannons or some other offensive shit that degrades all my midget brothers out there and I take offense to this shit, mainly because it’s a cheap joke and even if it wasn’t a cheap joke it wouldn’t be funny, but more importantly because I hate Audrina and despite having a good set of implants, which is rare, still deserves none of what she’s got including you jerking off to her.

The truth is that when I first saw these pics, I naturally assumed she was with one of her friends she met at her retard and handicapped camp she was sent to as a kid, but that turned out to be false fuckin’ promises and the truth is the she’s just a cunt.

I hate The Hills. I have never watched it and will never watch it, but doing this site forces me to know what the cunts on the show are up to. I figure if I wanted to watch a group of ugly rich kids complaining about their scripted, obvious and boring lives, I’d just go to the Starbucks down the street, at least that way I can follow the whores home and rape some sense into them, when I am pretty much at a lost when it comes to teaching these MTV bitches a lesson, since they are too big of a deal to be accessible for some fat dude in Canada.

The real issue with their fame is that it’s really got nothing to do with them, and a lot to do with you and the people you know. You cocksuckers are watching their shit, talking about the shit, buying the DVDs of the shit, inflating their whore egos and giving MTV no choice but to continue writing the garbage that rapes the minds of everyone who watches it.

The only thing remotely interesting about the show is that it’s on some Truman Show level, where they have pretty much sold out their lives to play their part all the fucking time, so that they don’t slip up on the continuity of the story, and the lies they are living are going to become their reality so when the show is cancelled and they realize that they can’t survive in real life because they don’t know who they really are and have no identity and will never be able to live down the cunts they play like they are Gary Coleman or some shit and can’t quite figure out why the rest of the world acts so differently than they did when they were on the show only and the only escape is suicide.

Either way, here’s two girls from The Hills showing the world how full of shit they are in this fake interraction that pisses me off….

BONUS - Some Audrina Bikini Pictures from Last Week Because It Makes Her Body Makes Her Face Less Offensive….

Audrina proves that if you’re ugly and you know it, don’t clap your hands, hit the gym, get an eating disorder, do cocaine to boost your self esteem and feed delusions that you’re hot, get your dad to buy you fake tits, and wear a fucking bikini every chance you get, because if you can’t control your mangled fucking face, you can always take control over your body and make it something better than the other ugly chicks out there, leaving you as the ugly hot chick instead of the hottest ugly chick and that fine line is a major one you don’t necessarily want to cross. I hate her, I hate what she does, I hate her show and I hate her face but I like how she looks in a bikini and so should you.

Here’s rat-faced, bullshit artist, week old kitchen garbage of a person, Audrina Patridge, rockin’ a bikini top under some shitty dress that looks like it was made out of a dead whore’s nightgown or some fat girl’s prom dress. She proves yet again that fake tits don’t make a girl hot. They just just work on horny guys the same way a tranny with huge fake tits works on guys. Shit leads straight dudes into paying for blowjobs just because they have long hair, make up and tits, but the reality is that there’s still no pussy to fuck, it’s pretty fucking gay. That’s not to say she’s a dude, but it is to say that her fake tits, match her fake career, fake life and is just an master of manipulating simple minded horny dudes.

Audrina has caught on that showing off her fake tits get her attention and help her stand out amongst her co-stars and make a name for herself and for a simple spoiled brat from an upper middle class family who had a dream of being in Playboy and the means to get fake tits, that means a lot. Most of the girls I know with implants just had them done to make more money stripping, but it turns out that they were just selling themselves short and all it takes is a dream.

The girls from The Hills may be useless cunts, but they drive Mercedes and that’s better than my whip, which is a pair of sneakers with holes in them.

Either way, I did a post on Holly Montag, Heidi Montag’s sister and she found out and got back to me:

Hey Drunken Stepfather!

What you wrote was pretty hilarious, but would you mind taking my pictures down please? They are my private photos that only my friends are supposed to be able see, and I think you know better…

Thank you,

Holly Montag

This is the closest brush with useless fame I have ever had, except for that one time I saw Wesley Snipes in a bar and he threatened to kill me, but at the time he wasn’t useless but that story is as tired as his bank account.

Either way, I’ll take the attention, even if it’s through her useless party slut sister, something more useless than useless but it’s good enough for me…..

So useless Audrina is showing off her panties because she’s a whore who only values herself as something with tits and a pussy and is trying so hard to be the next big thing guys want to fuck and that’s ok by me because looking at Audrina and pretty much every girl I come across, all I see is something with tits and a pussy and for the most part they aren’t half as appealing as this nothing.

Truth is that she’s made her own way from her upper-middle class home all the way to MTV where she makes her own money and has become a useless celebrity when all she ever really dreamed about or wanted was to be in Playboy and have the Bunny Stamp of approval on her fake tits and now her dream is that much closer to coming true.

So the formula for useless slut success is pretty simple. Get fake tits, suck the right dick to end up on a shitty MTV show that for some reason is a huge success because people obviously have nothing better to do with their time. because they are even more useless than the fake tit sluts on the show.

That popularity leads to shitty movie roles like to the sequel to a Jessica Alba movie that only got an audience because Alba was in a bikini the whole fuckin’ time and the movie companies know that we’re easily manipulated. Unfortunately, the next round doesn’t have as much of a budget and they couldn’t get Alba because she’s pregnant and too expensive, so they took the next best thing, someone who wasn’t scared that a role that shitty would ruin their career but would instead think of it as an opportunity of a lifetime and that person is Audrina from the Hills.

I was told that the Audrina’s tattoo was a stupid prank for the stupid Ashton Kutcher show that has to be totally bombing because his ideas for fucking with the paparazzi involve suck. They involve people from the fuckin’ Hills, who no one cares about, getting really bad fake tattoos that are…wait for it…supposed to be the wrong chinese characters that read “Pork Fried Rice” instead of “I’m a useless cunt trying to ride this wave as long as I can because I have nothing to offer the world”. She’s so desperate for media attention, she’s released nude pictures and lucky for her Ashton is so desperate to keep his show afloat and can’t find anyone remotely famous to go along with the stupidity that he turns to her. I already posted this shit Here and Here , but figured I’d show you assholes the final prank being played the way they wanted it to trick all of us, when I don’t think it really did.

The only real funny thing about the whole thing or at least the first 10 seconds I watched of it is how the old dude is coaching her how to act when she gets her tattoo to make the whole thing more believable, like bitch is so fucking useless and talentless that she needs tips on how to fake getting a tattoo…I wonder if she needs tips changing her tampon and wiping her ass because if she does, I’d be willing to help even though my track record is pretty bad, at least that’s what my soiled underwear tells me, but I am willing to try….

Watch Part 2 Here if You’re That Interested…I wasn’t.

I don’t break stories and I was tipped off that this whole Audrina Patridge tattoo shit was some kind of Ashton Kutcher Punk’d the Next Generation prank on the public. So when I got this email that deciphered what looks like the shittiest Chinese character tattoo, something that looks like it was drawn on with a box of Crayola’s, that reads “Pork Fried Rice”, I knew it was a shitty joke on us and that the tattoo is faker than her tits, because the reality is that I’ve seen better fake tattoos on poor kids covered in dirt at the local fair and you know they don’t have a budget to trick us into thinkin’ that panther on their chest is real….

Sure people get ugly tattoos all the time, and sure they get Chinese symbols that don’t translate into what they think theyt translates into because the people getting Chinese character tattoos are usually clueless, yes I am talking to you, and they people giving them their shitty tattoos are usually trashy beer drinking bikers who they met at a flea market. I have seen this happen so many fuckin times, but never so big and obvious so I call lie on this shit. Not to mention Ashton’s fame died about 3 years ago and the only people he can easily recruit to do his shitty show are either friends or people starved for attention aching to be legitimately famous and who are willing to do anything to get there…someone like Audrina.

Either way, fake or not, shit’s still fuckin ugly but not as ugly as these pictures of Audrina as a Pussycat Doll because it is all her rich kid ass is good for….