Bronx Mowgli Wentz. I call brown skinned people Mowgli when I am in bars drunk and they annoy me when I’m trying to move in and get a drink, you know like “Hey, Mowgli, you’re not perched on your tree, make a fucking move” and the shit usually ends badly, with me called a racist and them trying to fight me with their Jungle moves, while I’m trying to explain that someone told me their name was Mowgli, you know diverting the attention to some other drunk guy, before slipping away, because I don’t like getting in fights, especially not by someone raised by fucking wolves….Either way, it some artistic statement of some bi-sexual guy who takes himself too seriously, and I think it’s appropriate since their relationship is just as big of a joke as the name they chose for their kid.

I guess that makes Jessica Simpson a crazed, jealous aunt, so her uterus will be out on the prowl pretty fucking soon, when she sees her dad’s attention diverted from her to her sister, the only upsetting news for Joe was that Ashlee didn’t have a girl, because he’s way more into touching and exploiting little girls than boys, so it’s safe to say, Jessica’s been givin’ the task to make her daddy some new talent…….

Here are some pictures of Rachel Bilson’s tits holding a doll like she’s some kind of mother who just lost her baby to cancer, or maybe like some kind of 38 year old woman who has been trying to have babies for the last 5 years but has some kind of fucked up uterus because she’s not all woman. I guess she’s taking the whole celebrity pregnancy shit to heart and wishes she could fit in with the fertile girls and this is her only option to accessorize in fashion. I guess it doesn’t matter, what does matter is that she’s banging that dude from Star Wars and that probably makes you really upset because you are into Star Wars and have a bit of a man crush on the fucker and late at night as you lie in bed alone you imagine you were with him but know that he’s with this bitch. She’s ruining all your fun and you hate her. I know how these things work and don’t worry, it’s not that gay that you just want to explore the darkside of a guy who is part of the only thing you love….well actually it is, but I doubt you’re his type so for now it’s just your dirty little secret no one needs to know about and that makes you and your fantasies a lot more socially acceptable and leaves you up to little scrutiny from your peers and the good news is that you can jerk off to these pics knowing that your dream boy jerks off on them.

I got this email today reporting the Heidi Klum’s baby doesn’t belong to the man she says it belongs to. I figured I’d report it because I got nothing better to do. It could be fact, it could be fiction but who really cares, Heidi is damaged goods now with enough interracial kids to start a circus.

Either way here’s an email from a German reader:

Heidi with her kids freak me out.

She is claiming her blue eyed daughter Leni is Brown Eyed Italian Flavio Briatore’s daughter, when in fact she is Johannes Kerner, a married german TV host who has a super squeaky clean image and tonnes of advertising deals. Italian nepapers have reported it and I know people who know him, and he fucks all sorts of chicks.

I mean I would have fucked Heidi before she took a Seal cock in her, but I would have barebacked her anal or shot my load in her mouth, because when you got a wife that is what you do……

That’s all I have to say about that. This is some pretty heavy hitting reporting I am doing here. I feel so professional. I am pretty sure the feeling will go away when every other blog reports it making it legit, or I get sued by these bastards for posting fake news…

Here’s the video of Kanye West freaking out for losing all the awards he was up for at the VMAs. Dude pulls the race card and cries like a little bitch about how hard he works and how good he is and how he’s never coming back to MTV because he feels so wronged, or whatever the fuck he says because I don’t speak Hip Hop.

I do know that it’s possible the whole thing is a publicity stunt, his whole being the best and greatest attitude is kinda what makes him who he is and without that he’s just some dude with average music and sunglasses like Diddy. Every rapper thinks they are the best, because all their friends that they grew up with are working at car washes, selling drugs or dead so as local heroes now in the big leagues up against the world, so standing out as the best is the way to get noticed. Plus people are idiots and believe what they are told. So if an average girl says she’s hot, people around her start believing it too. If an dude thinks he’s funny and tells everyone how funny he is, people around him start to think he’s funny because they are supposed to.

When I was growing up there was a really ugly chick who looked like an alien. All the guys in my class were so fucking into her because she had a bit more of a body than the rest of the girls who still looked like little boys. She had some tit, some ass, was tall and had thick legs. But I always knew something was off. I was new to the country and didn’t want to get beat up so I’d just go along with them saying how bitch was hot and I’d be all like “dude did you see that tight shit she was in” and shit, so here we are with this monster of a girl who became a monster because she thought she was fucking hot and guys thought she was hot, when in reality she was more busted than my TV.

Either way, losing sucks and I can relate to the frustration of thinking that you’ve got something good and never getting acknowledged, living a life of constant losing….but I guess what you gotta do is realize that the shit you create is garbage so that when awards shows come up you’re just happy to be invited to the party because there’s an open bar. Being a diva about it is so fucking pathetic and now I have no respect for the guy, not because he’s black but because he’s a cry baby. I think it’s called “grow a dick” asshole. He makes more money than anyone I’ve ever met I don’t see why he’s gotta get menstruate all over MTV….just sit at home and count your money, fuck hot groupies and shut the fuck up.