Here is some middle-aged pussy on the beach in Hawaii becuase they are shooting her TV show there and her ass looks pretty fucking weird in this weird bikini. I don’t have anything more to say about this because it is Friday, no one is reading the site and no one really cares about this this bitch…or her weird ass in a weird bikini.

But she made up for it with her tits…

Pics via PacificCoastNews
Pics via Bauer

I don’t know who this Sarah Hyland chick is – but apparently she’s on TV. I did look up her age, because she’s definitely not worth getting arrested over and it turns out that she’s 19 so despite looking 14, she’s legal and I guess that’s the whole problem with sex offenders, you see there are 14 year olds out there with 32F bra sizes and 20 year olds her look 11, but the guys who fuck the 14 year olds are criminals and the ones who fuck the 20 year olds who look 11 aren’t and I guess all I gotta say is that they better keep a close eye on this Hyland’s boyfriend after she dumps him, I have a feeling he’ll be the weirdo next to the park playground…and for anyone else out there into little boys dressed like girls on the beach…this is for you….

Pics via PacificCoastNews
Pics via Bauer

People seem to care so much about these earthquakes predicting the end of the world that hit Haiti and Chile, but they don’t seem to care so much about Michael J. Fox, even though everyday feels like an earthquake to him…so maybe we need a Tsunami warning, cuz even I know earthquakes in water cause Tsunamis….

Except maybe today, because here he is in picture of Michael J. Fox following his wife of 30 years on the beach living large, showing the paparazzi that he’s still got it, but showin’ off his magic fingers, thanks to Parkinsons making him a human vibrator, behind her back, letting us know he’s still got it, without her even knowing he’s showin’ off his pussy….

If anything, I’m pretty sure he called the paparazzi, to just show off, clear things up for his disease, cuz like all disabled people, the public starts treating you differently, and forget that you can get good pussy, even if it married you before you were disabled and feels trapped and like it has to stay with you to not look like an evil person, but like my friend in a wheel chair, Michael J. Fox is all about milking the pussy he gets and making it clear that not everyone suffering from the shit is 90 years old in a home, but can be in their 40s with pretty solid bodied 40 year old pussy he just needs to stand next to to make her cum. He’s like riding the fucking washing machine…

That said, part of me loves one-piece bathing suits, not because they remind me of little kids at swim class, but because sometimes they hide the stretch marks and unappealing shit a bikini doesn’t hide and I’ve got a serious love for anything that can touch pussy, tits and ass at the same time, even if it is just a piece of clothing.

Pics via Fame

They make midget porn for a reason, and that reason is that people do have midget fetishes. I don’t really get what people find hot about midgets, I guess it could have to do with their little dicks lookin’ huge in a midget hand, or maybe it’s like fucking an awkwardly shaped kid without the legal issues, or maybe they have really tight pussies, and really the whole thing isn’t that big of a deal, because despite popular belief, midgets are humans to, so it’s not like fucking a farm animal, or a squrrel at the park, or random rotting food you’ve pulled out of the garbage. Sure, I’m not entirely a fan of the midget body, I kinda like my girls long, lean and not retarded looking, but there are far worse things a person could be rubbing their dicks off to, so I figure we should celebrate it, because like black people, amputees, Mexicans, retards and homeless, the midgets are human too, and shouldn’t be ignored when they prance around in bikinis, no matter how much it feels like a fuckin’ circus act.

Her name is Amy Roloff, she is a little person in a big world, she exploits her midget stature more than the hooker I knew exploited the scar on her leg that could be used as a second pussy, so I don’t feel bad pointing and laughing at this freaky image.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Here are some pictures of Jennifer Hudson in a bikini proving that just because your whole family got murdered in some gutter housing project crime, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun spending your hollywood money on a luxury vacation, because let’s face it, you weren’t the one gunned down in the housing project, you got your shit together and made something of yourself…you can’t feel guilty about getting out of that shit while leaving them all behind to get gunned down in a housing project. They coulda tried out for American Idol too, no one was stoppin’ them….

See it’s a survival of the fittest situation and based on Hudson’s body she may not be the fittest, but she always wins out on at the all you can eat buffet and that’s gotta count for something….on a sidenote though, I always thought she was a lot fatter than my wife and it turns out that she’s not, forcing me to come to terms with the fact that my wife is fatter than Jennifer Hudson…I’ll be back in a minute, I’m just going to go try to kill myself and fail because I never succeed at anything, even suicide…..

And here she is doing the Grimace….

Pics via INF

I love jerking off to big vagina mounds on dead president’s daughters in bathing suits. It’s a niche fetish that is pretty fucking rare but every once in a while the worlds align themselves and give me the fucking gold. Today is one of those days.

Pics via Fame

Alessandra Ambrosio brought her disgusting mom body out in a bathing suit because I guess Victoria’s Secret is contractually obligated to give her work and the whole thing makes me feel really sorry for her husband and his poor planning. He thought he was locking down Alessandra Ambrosio, the hugely successful bikini and lingerie model, but instead he turned her into this. Disgusting.

Here’s the proof that karma’s a fucking bitch…and it is really pictures like this that make me really happy to be me and good about myself…you know with my obese wife and poverty cuz it coulda been worse…I coulda married a supermodel who ended up like this…and by this I mean pretty fucking hot. I suck at life…

BONUS – Here are some actual BIKINI pictures to show you how GROSS she is and really drive my point home….

Pics via Bauer

Pics via Bauer

Here’s Miss Teen USA 1985 and Miss Hawaii USA 1993, not that you care because that shit was a long time ago and you don’t even remember her, but should because thanks to her Chinese genetics, her ass still looks like she’s 12 even though she’s 42.

She’s done her fair share of serious shit movies, but there’s probably a future of typecasting her as the Asian ahead of her, and based on these pictures, let’s hope we’re behind her the whole time….if you know what I mean, which I sure as hell hope you do, because if you don’t you’re a fucking idiot….

Pics via Bauer

I know Pam Anderson is too old to be on the runway, but she’s doing it for her gay friends at Heatherette, She brought out her fake tits in red Baywatch bathing suit that you all jerked off to at least once and she strapped herself in caution tape because not only is her hep pussy a crime scene where part of many and I mean many men once died, but the rest of her looks like a crime scene. The only exciting thing is that she looks like she may be pregnant, or probably just middle-aged, and growing herself a GUNT, so I guess the good times have come and gone for her as the sun sets on her lifeguard hut, but at least she’s goin’ out laughin’ at herself as we all laugh at her, because if anything she is really never been anything more than a cartoon character of a person who made a lot of money off pretty much being a joke with tits…and I guess like the death of a fallen soldier, we should collectively shoot our loads to this picture as a final salute to a woman who has given us so much….so start now.

Pics via INFphoto

Remember this bitch from Fight Club? Well it looks like that her common law husband, Tim Burton turned her into one of the gothic monsters you’d find in one of his movies. Only I don’t remember Beetle Juice or Edward Scissor Hands or even Pee Wee’s big adventure being a sloppy fat bitch in a bikini….maybe he based this look off the movie Big Fish and he pulled it off by letting her on set of Charlie and the Chocolate factory…..cuz he got turned on shooting Planet of the Apes and wanted his woman to have the same fuckin’ body type as those motherfuckers…..

I always thought Goths liked to look more like dying corpses but I guess she is keepin it real since she looks like fuckin’ hell.

You liked that play on words didn’t you. I’m sure I coulda done better but it’s the end of the fuckin’ day, now stare at this cellulite ridden ass and have nightmares…that’s all Tim Burton wanted in makin her look like this….

I just did a post on Madonna making the right choice in bathing suits and now I’m doing a post on Charlize Theron making the wrong choice in bathing suits, leading me to believe that I should start a new website giving beach and watersport fashion advice, since I’m a fuckin’ expert on the shit, at least a self-proclaimed expert on the shit, where my logic is a complex as saying if you’re hot put on less clothes and if you’re disgusting, old, weathered, fat cover that shit up cuz none of us want to see it and in Charlize Theron’s case, while she walks along the beach, only steps away from being wet and splashing around in the surf, wearing this outfit is just fuckin’ wrong and unfair to the people who rent your movies and look at your Playboy spread for inspiration and a better tomorrow. Dressing like you’re an accountant going to a fuckin company picnic is boring, now take off your fuckin pants you South African whore.

I am definitely not the ideal parent, you know the kind of guy you’d want your kids to look up to as a mentor and advisor. I’m not the person you’d want teaching your kids life lessons and important things like how to treat other people, or how to drink without puking, but that’s okay, because I don’t have kids of my own to fuck up.

Madonna on the otherhand does and I think bringing her 20 year old fuck toy into her kids’ life some serious asshole behavior, that’s the kind of shit that will turn Lourdes into some kind of daddy issue whore, mimicking her mother and ending up with a pussy that has seen more cock than my uncle’s chicken farm, not that that’s a big deal, especially considering those are the only kinds of girls who have sex with me, and the fact that Madonna’s got staff to take care of the kids and to let them know that what their mommy does is wrong and that she’s a horrible, vile person who I am ashamed I ever masturbated to, but the one thing she did do right is her choice in bathing suits, because a covered up Madonna is a far better Madonna than one in a bikini. Good job, you whore. Let’s hope you drowned.

Ines Sastre is some model turned actress from Spain who I doubt I’ve heard of, but have probably done posts on, but unfortunately I have a horrible memory and everything kind of blurs into one giant confused mess that is this site, but fuck, she’s got an amazing mom body, like the women I saw at 8:30 in the morning today while still drunk, only they were wearing their business casual outfits and not one-piece bathing suits to cover their mom stretch marks with ass hugging skirts/dresspants and button down blouses that were almost sheer, making me want to get a office job in the cubicle next to them, even though I could tell in their exhausted eyes that they hated how life played out for them, just enough depression needed to convince them to fuck me in the copyroom after gaining their trust. Unfortunately for me, I hate office jobs and would never sacrifice freedom for pussy, especially pussy I know wouldn’t actually give me the time of day, they just do that in my fantasies….

There’s not much hotter than some Sloppy Royal Tits. Not because they are worth a lot of money, or because they embody class and elegance, or because they are a product of incest to keep their Sloppy Royal Tit blood blue, but because I have no standards. Today just started. Are you ready for it?

Victoria Beckham and David Beckham are celebrating their anniversary on the beach. She is wearing some variation of a bikini that I don’t fully understand but assume have something to do with not wanting to show off her violated stomach from having babies, but I could be wrong, not that you care about what she’s wearing while David Beckham is standing next to her in a white speedo, because nothing says homo like a white speedo, and nothing says almost gay like 98 percent of European soccer fans I’ve met over the years who claim to have a non-sexual crush on this motherfucker, they just respect his fitness level, his talent in the sport and his chiseled good looks, and I am sure can’t help but wonder if they get see thru when wet, I mean it’d be just a small taste of what life in the locker room with him was like, something all those dudes would just love to experience but just for a day.