I’m so hungover, I can’t stop shaking…no wait…I’m not shaking…I’m just looking at pictures of Michael J. Fox and I think that I am cuz he is, I’m sure he gets that all the time…you know people who are talking to him who don’t know he’s the youngest man in history to have parkinsons, and as he vibrates like a human sex toy that has kept his wife around the last 15 years he’s had the disease, because she realized a disability, if looked at in the right way can be a serious ability, or maybe this is just one of Hollywood’s great love stories, of a couple who dated on set of an 80s sitcom, who haven’t left each other’s side since, because they are soul mates, or because his wife is maternal and can’t leave a motherfucker just cuz he got sick and has been progressively getting worse like some kind of saint who really just doesn’t want to look evil, like his disease has her trapped, kinda like when I used to want to get AIDS to give to this hot girl so she would never leave my side, but a little less psycho…
See, I’ve got nothing but love for Michael J. Fox. I feel for him for being so fucked up at such a young age, like an 80 year old in a 40 year old’s body or some shit but at least he’s living the good life on the beach in St Barth, but more importantly, at least his wife has maintained a pretty fucking good body into her forties, despite being a mom and having stopped acting to be a mom. It always impresses me when women with kids and husbands aren’t disgusting and fat. Maybe it’s cuz I’m not used to it….
As a bonus, here’s a little clip of Michael J. Fox scoring Tracey on Family Ties, this is where the love all started and like all great romantic moments, this song seems to come to mind whenever I’m thinking about rape. Inspiring.
Either way, here is the happy couple on the beach…
They make midget porn for a reason, and that reason is that people do have midget fetishes. I don’t really get what people find hot about midgets, I guess it could have to do with their little dicks lookin’ huge in a midget hand, or maybe it’s like fucking an awkwardly shaped kid without the legal issues, or maybe they have really tight pussies, and really the whole thing isn’t that big of a deal, because despite popular belief, midgets are humans to, so it’s not like fucking a farm animal, or a squrrel at the park, or random rotting food you’ve pulled out of the garbage. Sure, I’m not entirely a fan of the midget body, I kinda like my girls long, lean and not retarded looking, but there are far worse things a person could be rubbing their dicks off to, so I figure we should celebrate it, because like black people, amputees, Mexicans, retards and homeless, the midgets are human too, and shouldn’t be ignored when they prance around in bikinis, no matter how much it feels like a fuckin’ circus act.
Her name is Amy Roloff, she is a little person in a big world, she exploits her midget stature more than the hooker I knew exploited the scar on her leg that could be used as a second pussy, so I don’t feel bad pointing and laughing at this freaky image.
Sarah Hyland is some 19 year old who is on Modern Family. She started out her career playing Howard Stern’s daughter on Private Parts, making me wonder if he’d make her ride the sybian like she was an actress he didn’t know when she was 7, or if he’s been waiting to make that happen since she was 7 and I guess it doesn’t matter since I don’t have satelite radio and haven’t heard Howard Stern in over a decade, not that I didn’t think he was funny or worth listening to, but because he got banned in Canada and I am to lazy to bother.
She is in her bikini top with her boyfriend, possibly the guy who took her virginity, because at 19 you have two types of girls, the sluts at a young age, or the girls who only give it up to the guy they trust enough and end up dating for 3 years before becoming sluts, even today, when most girls are sucking dick at 14 at blowjob parties and letting dudes fuck them up the ass cuz they learned from the Jonas brother’s that keeps you a “virgin”, there are still the semi-wholesome ones…
Not that it matters…just look at the pics….cuz at 19…whether the girl is hot or not…is always hot cuz the age factor outweighs genetics and natural beauty…
Gerard Butler, also known as the guy who plays Jennifer Aniston’s boyfriend in the tabloids, because he made the bad drunken decision to fuck her one night, making her attach herself to him and forced the producers of their recent movie to make him pretend to be her boyfriend, otherwise she wouldn’t attend publicity events, making them lose out on millions of dollars, was on the beaches of Rio with Nicole Scherzinger, because like all British sex addicted rich people weirdos, he can never say no to trannies…..and Brazil is the new Thailand for UK tranny lovers….and Nicole Scherzinger is the new Rupaul when it comes to trannies. This dude really is at the top of his game.
Here’s the ethnic-named born and raised in America, but you’d think you were calling a mail order bride if you were randoming looking for easter european mail-order brides in the phonebook when bored and drunk. She’s from Law & Order and now she’s in a “shitting in the woods” stance on the beach in what I guess is a bikini….she’s 46, I guess I should give her a break…because my wife is around this age and she can’t even support her own weight when she squats to shit, so I guess this makes Mariska a fuckin’ hero….
Tennis pro Andy Roddick’s wife is some bikini model named Brooklyn Decker who you’ve probably all heard of since she was in SI and Victoria’s Secret and other related shit.
She was on the beach in a pair of heels because you can’t put a price on making your legs look as good as they possibly can since you depend on the shit to get more work…so comfort and not looking like an idiot doesn’t really come into play…and here are the pics…
I’ve tried to befriend this bitch on Twitter, but she just ignores me, so I should really try to be a lot more evil in this post, but why fuckin’ bother….
There’s something funny about seeing grown women dress like teenage girls. Sure most of my sexual fantasies involve a barely 18 year old and her cotton panties, but whenever I try to get my wife to play that shit out, it always turns into a disaster, mainly because I know it takes years of hard eating to get as fat as she is, and my whole excitement level goes out the window with harsh reality…
I don’t know why Marisa Miller isn’t wearing her bikini, or her lingerie and I don’t know why she looks like she’s going to the mall to flirt with boys and listen to CDs at the music store but I do know it isn’t as hot as it could be….but you’ll probably like it cuz she’s a girl and girls have vaginas and vagina is something you never get to lick, touch or fuck.
It’s nice to see Jordan Sparks wrapped up and covering her disgusting body on the beach of Miami. I am sure it’s a hell of a lot more fun than when her sister’s baby daddy murdered her entire family, oh wait, that was Jennifer Hudson, the other black American Idol…they all look the fucking same….
Yes. I did just make that joke.
I hope that’s her brother and not her boyfriend, cuz I don’t think beds or hotel room neighbor’s can handle that kind of abuse. I mean other than me, because whenever I hear two people fucking, I always get excited, especially if it is a fat American Idol….yes Ruben, I’m talking to you big boy….
Victoria Beckham was on the beach and she did what any mother of 3 should do and that was stay the fuck out of a bikini. Sure this bitch is skinny and has fake tits and in theory would be decent to see half naked like any stripper, but the truth is that any girl is good to see half naked no matter how meaty, destroyed, plastic or cold and dead their pussy is, or no matter how fat they are….because in the best case situation we can jerk off to them and best case we can laugh at them…
God knows why she’s rockin an Independent Truck Company hat, but can only assume it is because she’s taken up skateboarding and that’s all I have to say about that….
Someone emailed these into me and I’m not sure if they are of a tan addicted, plastic surgery piece of shit ex stripper, or if shit is Donatella Versace like they are advertised….I don’t know when they were taken or how old they are. I just know that there comes a point when the fake hair, fake tits, fake face, and horrible skin color kinda spills over and makes these pig women all look the same, whether they are ex strippers, pornstars, Jewish grandmothers in Florida, victims of hollywood or rich and famous luxury brand designers…..What do you think?
Looks like this former Bachelorette’s televised love didn’t stick much longer than the length of the contract cuz here she is on the beach with her new “boyfriend” hoping the paparazzi remind the world she’s still around.
I guess this teaches us that if love can’t be found on a staged show where you make millions if you find “love”, seduced by legal contracts, cameras and storylines while fighting with 50 other contestents for it, love can’t be found at all…so we should just stick to whores…
I guess it also teaches us that reality shows give insignificant people a sense of puroose and a taste of celebrity cuz here she is in some staged bullshit on the beach. I guess she paid off the paparazzi to take bullshit pics of her and her new boyfriend.
If you’re wondering why I know it is staged, well firstly it is cuz she is on the paparazzi sites and even the paparazzi don’t remember who she is, I guess she is addicted to the cameras and the attention she once had once and has her publicist working on it overtime and secondly, even the most obnoxious horrible acting annoying motherfucker I want to punch in the face doesn’t make thee facial expressions…this shit is worse than the catalog to a 2 star hotel in Haiti.
Here’s some immigrant whore and her immigrant soccer playing husband polluting the beach in Miami because that’s just what trashy Ukrainian gangsters do, but I figure a soccer player wife, who before meeting him was just an aspiring mail order wife working the local sex trade rockin’ a bikini and living the good life she could never imagine just a few years earlier when she was sucking dick for potatos and rationed bread, is a symbol of hope going into 2010 and better than nothing even if its not that good.
These are probably the hottest pictures I’ve seen on the beach in a long time, not because she looks good, or sexy or even worth fucking, but because if it wasn’t for Destiny’s Child, this bitch would just be pregnant in the projects, and I’m not saying that cuz I am racist or think that’s where all black girls belong, but she had an abusive alcoholic father and that’s just the fuckin’ stats motherfucker, so instead of working the welfare check line, she’s working the beach and living the decadent life, unfortunately, not working a hot bikini to show off her shitty small implants, because that’d make these pictures make a hell of a lot more sense…..
I know it is the afternoon and I haven’t posted and that is because it is the long weekend and I know no one is online today and because I am hungover and woke up 15 minutes ago but I just wanted you to know I haven’t died yet.
I hate writing out Kristin Cavallari’s name because she spells her shit with an “i” and not an “e” and that’s just the kind of pretentious bullshit you’d expect out of her, you know having a generic fucking name but spelling it retarded to be different and I guess that’s got nothing to do with why I hate her, but it does have a lot to do with why I hate writing posts on her.
That said, she’s back on The Hills and I find it funny that she refused to do the spinoff show and for a few years tried to get a legit acting career while her friends got richer and richer and richer while she got rejected from role after role provided she even got auditions and in the end she had to decide whether to take the job at McDonald’s she’s qualified for thanks to her level of education/highschool diploma or to go back to The Hills and instead of saving fucking face she crawled back into the arms of MTV who paid her less than she was getting paid before while giving her the life lesson that once you are MTV, shit’s a life fuckin sentence….
Let’s face it, if anyone fucks this dude, it is strictly because he is famous or because he was on MTV or because he dated famous people or because he’s a budding rockstar with a pretty commercial sounding rap group, and it’s got nothing to do with how cool he is, how big his scrotum is, or how good lookin or talented he is and that’s why she’s covering her face, because she doesn’t mind the opportunity or doors dating him and his rich father may have for her, but she doesn’t like the rest of the world peering in and calling her out on her little strategic play, because even she knows it is pretty much bottom feeding at its best and that’s something you can’t stand tall and proud and celebrate, especially when we all know his dick’s been in you, you fucking dirtbag.
