I have issues with Dax, I don’t know it is watching his horrible performances on Punk’d or the fact that he works out excessively to distract girls from his funny lookin’ face, or that he looks like a frat boy motherfucker who would annoy the fuck out of me while I’m trying to get a drink at the bar and he’s trying to get all the attention from everyone in the bar to make up for his funny lookin’ face, but I do know that it’s got nothing to do with the fact that he’s railing Kristen Bell. There’s nothing hot about her, she’s about as standard as Dax Shepard getting rejected from both acting jobs and women alike before he got a bank account and manipulated the world that he was worth hiring in movies because he was part of a successful MTV show.

Either way, here they are in love and we can only hope their plane crashes on their way home because the world’s seen enough of them already and I think they’ve both lead a good life and need to make room for people with a little more talent.

Bonus - Here are Some Pictures of her Badly Playing a Drunk on Set Even Though You’d Have to Be Drunk To Get Up In Dax Sheppard

Bai Ling is consistently weird. Not as weird as the dude I saw walking his dog with his feet because he had no arms, but still pretty fucking weird. Here she is in a bathrobe at the beach in what I assume is a photoshoot that I guess people care enough about her to take, or that she paid to get done, but that doesn’t negate the fact that you want to fuck her.

The good news about Bai Ling is that despite having little to do with her time, she still manages to find a way to show the world her huge dark nipples. I have never really had the experience of getting with a girl who has nipples like this and that’s probably a good thing because I know that any bitch packing a mini dick on her tits would use that shit to to prison rape me every time I cheat on them in hopes of getting with a nipple that is less like suckin’ a dick and more like being with a chick.

I realize that every other site that talks about her nipples are saying the same thing about her, but there’s really only so much you can say about a girl who manages to show her nipples more than any other person all while no one knows who the fuck she is or what she has done or is doing. It’s like every time she shows up to an event and finds herself not on the list because no one knows who she is, she manages to get in because the people working the door know they have seen her nipples on the internet and that must mean she’s someone and that her name not being on the list is just some kind of mistake.

Either way, if I like how despite having something she should probably be insecure about, like someone with 3 nipples who won’t take her shirt off in public or or someone with a retardedly large testicle who won’t have sex with girls becuase of embarrassment, Bai Ling still manages to bust that shit out like she doesn’t give a fuck about it, I think it could be a language barrier.

Billie Piper was the Miley Cyrus of her generation in the UK. I know nothing about her, but she had some number 1 songs in 1997 when she was 15 and I guess she never really made it all that big because instead of continuing her career she went and got married to some older guy radio host who she divorced to re-marry the weird lookin’ dude she’s with in these pictures.

The word is that she’s pregnant and that would explain why her tits look like shit and she should worry about covering them up instead of getting them some sun, but I guess if she had that attitude she probably would have never got into that whole mess that ruins your body called pregnancy in the first place.

I figure why wait for the hot pussy to hit the beach in their skimpy bikinis when you can have all the Jodie Foster you want. Bitch isn’t hot, she isn’t young, and her idea of a skimpy bikini is the beach equivalent of a fuckin’ snowsuit. All bitch is missing is a pair of knee socks and a veil to go with her long sleeved shirt and shorts to make me really live out my fantasies of rockin’ out at a popular Muslim vacation spot. There’s nothing like parasailing or scuba diving or playing beach volleyball or even drinking a Bahama Mamma or Pina Colada with a slut who is scared of getting too much sun. Sometimes happiness comes from just having a nice conservative girl who can sit down and tell you about the last book she curled up alone in bed the previous night and read…in her flannels. I hear they give the best blowjobs, you know the whole good girl gone bad bullshit, which probably explains why she has a kid…because everyone know it takes a slut to make a slut.

Here are some pictures of Mariah Carey topless on the beach. She’s doing a pretty damn good job covering up her shit. She’s even strategically placed her dog and used him as a bra which leads me to wonder what else she does with her dog. Not only does the little fucker get to eat her panties, sniff her crotch and eat her tampons when she’s on the rag, watch her take a shit and get closer to her tits than you ever will, but since bitch is crazy, it’s safe to assume that dresses him up for dinner in a little tuxedo pretending he’s her date, since no guy goes near her for fear of having her have a nervous breakdown on them….but that dog just can’t say no…mainly because he can’t talk but also because he feels so luxurious….

Speaking of luxurious, I am drunk and realized that my hair is falling out. Not only am I a fat middle aged poverty case but now I am also a bald fat middle aged poverty case. It’s pretty depressing, but considering I have no self-esteem as it is, I guess it’s not a big deal….probably the same kind of feeling Mariah has when she decided to paraded around the beach like she’s 20 and this is college spring break….

I was surprised to see these pictures of Pam Anderson on the beach covered up, mainly because she’s an exhibitionist slut who is normally in a skimpy bikini with fake and real parts spilling the fuck out, but I guess it was cold out considering that buddy she’s with is rocking a gayer than bicycle shorts, tight as fuck wet suit.

I usually rip into this bitch for being a trashy washed up stripper. Or I go off about her hepatitis and how she was the object of all your wet dreams when you were in high school, but I guess I gotta step back and be realistic for a second. She’s got a couple of kids, she’s pretty menopausal, and she’s still got a tighter body than most 20 year olds I try to get naked. Sure, I prey on the ugly ones because they appreciate the attention and I appreciate their youth, but they are still girls. I think Pam’s future husband does the same thing, only he’s more successful and the young girls he goes after are heiresses that he’s enterprising enough to film getting fucked raw dog. I always wondered if he was the source of her herpes, which is the strain that has hit everyone in Hollywood, or if she scored that somewhere else. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is what Pam and his sex smells like, you know her hep, his herp shit’s could be pretty fucking gross.

I am not so into fake tits, I don’t like what they do to girls. They make them so tit-centric that being around them is fucking tedious. They always talk about their tits, flash their tits, make people touch their tits, which isn’t the bad part, the bad part is that I am never the one they ask to touch, lick or rate them, and whenever I am left out, I get bitter. I was walking down the street today and saw some pregnant lookin’ chick walking alone with a set of fake tits, my first thought was that I bet she didn’t know the daddy’s name because her fake tits lured him in one drunken night, when I asked her, she wasn’t too impressed and told me to fuck off.

Either way, here are the Pam Anderson and the shit stain on her arm covered up on the beach pics.

Don’t worry, this post didn’t make me laugh either.

Here are some pictures of Penelope Cruz’s family on the beach somewhere without Penelope Cruz. I have posted about her sister Monica Cruz before, she’s sin the thong, but I have no idea who the topless chick is. The message board I steal my pictures from say that it’s her cousin and it doesn’t really matter who she is, all that matters is that she is living the life, sitting on the beach all thanks to Penelope’s hard work. I guess this is a lot like when they were living in Spain as kids and they’d sit at home all day and send Penelope off to mow lawns, clean houses, work at the local cafe so that when she got home they could steal her paycheck and buy themselves ice cream.

Reality is that I don’t care how she’s related to Penelope Cruz because I just like topless beaches and would post that shit whether bitch was famous or not. I have this fantasy of grandeur, living the life with an above ground pool and a backyard where my stepdaughter and her friends will tan topless while I just sit back and drink beer. All the 18-20 year old hot girls will come over to take advantage of the only pool in the ghetto and I will be a happy fucking man….

I guess the point of this post is that the cousin’s tits are uneven and there’s nothing sexier than bringing a bitch home, taking off her bra to find that shit was being balanced out with a pair of socks and you’re really dealing with some one tit bigger than the other shit that is a lot like driving with a flat tire.

Here are those pics:

I have no idea when these pictures were taken mainly because I don’t even know who this bitch is, but also because I am not good at staying on top of shit. I can’t even recognize the real celebrities in pictures so pointing out some no name is pretty much impossible. I do know that these pictures are doing the rounds and that she’s got some big tits and an exposed ass and that’s something I fully support.

The thing I like about no name d-list celebrities is that they have these huge fucking egos. They think they are more important than they are and give attitude to anyone who crosses their path, because they are trying to maintain that they are important because they have been on TV or in a magazine or some shit. Real celebs aren’t as accessible because people are constantly running after them and actually care about them, so I’d never know if they work the same way but I’ll never know and I don’t really care.

What I do know is that I met some useless actor from commercials out of LA who has been there for 2 years trying to establish himself with some kind of career. He was talking to a girl I was talking to. Dude was talking about how he likes to visit montreal, but his new home is LA and that he’ll be going back fro auditions in a couple of days, thinking that that will lock down her vagina for him. He would go off on how he’s met certain celebs and how the bars in LA are way cooler than the shit hole we happened to be in. He was drinking champagne and I thought his game was fucking weak but dude still got the girl to go home with him.

All this to say that losers with a dream who are delusional enough to move to LA in hopes of being found, get a lot of pussy when they leave LA because the girls they meet are easily impressed and fuck them in the event they ever do hit it big so that they have a story to tell their kids.

What I am getting at is that if you can’t impress girls you meet lie. Tell them you are some d-list piece of shit, drink champagne and compare everything to LA and you will probably end up getting laid or beat up by local guys who think actors are fags and don’t like the way their scarves seduce the local sluts….

Here are those Jennifer Ellison Bikini pictures.

This are probably some of the most misleading pictures I’ve seen in a while and that is why I am posting them. When I saw the caption of Jennifer Love Hewitt at the beach, I figured they were some slutty bikini pictures, but that was before I remembered that this bitch is a bigger prude than this none I once knew who used to be a whore but found Jesus. She gave up fucking for money , but she did let us peak up her habit every once in a while, I guess because once you’re a slut, you’re pretty much always a slut….even after finding Jesus.

Either way, bitch is on the beach, bitch is fully clothed and bitch is fatter than she’s ever been. It’s the typical story of the young small framed girl with huge tits who ends up hefty 10 years later, because her tits are so out of proportion that the ass feels like it needs to catch up or some shit…Reality is that all this girl ever had going for her was her body because her face was always a wreck, and now that the body is gone, I guess that means she’s dead to all of us….

I am not always mean to fat chicks because I am a model citizen. I don’t help old ladies cross the street, I don’t volunteer and I don’t have a job or contribute to the world in any way. I am not a big brother or a big sister, I am not an activist and I don’t have a cause, I am not trying to change the world, I don’t recycle but I did hold a door open for a at lady I almost slammed it on because my brain blocks out every girl I don’t want to fuck. It’s like I can be in a room with 10 girls and only see the hot ones, the ugly ones don’t even register. Either way, I apologized to the woman for not seeing her but I couldn’t help saying “I bet you don’t hear that often” because she’s fat and takes up the same amount of space as 2 people. It may have been a bad joke, it may take away from the nice model citizen act of kindness of holding the door open for a woman whos hands were full with 2 boxes of donuts and it may make me an asshole, but at least it made me laugh.

Here are those Jennifer Love on the Beach Pics for you remember something that once wasn’t a fat chick with a camera.

Fuck the MTV Awards and my neighbor who made me watch it with him. I don’t have a tv so I fucking sold my soul to the devil, or at least the creepiest motherfucker in the neighborhood in order to use his cable. I had to watch him eat licorice with his toothless mouth while staring me in the eyes the whole time i was there, stroking his leg and telling me stories about fucking some chick because she looked like his cousin and he always loved his cousin…….It was awkward, but not as awkward as the MTV awards. They were a pile of fucking shit that I didn’t understand, with hotel parties and fragments of corporate strategy made to look like party insanity, that I was going to liveblog because there was a time I was a live blogging champion, but I got distracted with the Sarah Silverman monologue. I have a serious hatred for her and it’s not because I am part of the german Nazi group that got arrested this weekend, it’s because she isn’t funny.

She is like every celebrity blog that I hate with the “crutch joke” of stating the obvious, but she just does it in a way that didn’t maker me or my neighbor who only bangs chicks who looks like his cousin crack a smile. She’s just this shock value piece of shit who likes talking about shit, it makes up 3/4 of her fucking material and then throws in such innovative shit like “Britney Spears Kids are a Mistake or Madonna is a Python she performed with on stage with last time or some fucking Paris Hilton interaction about her orifices”. I can only say that she has a father or uncle in important places because if I hate her this much, I can only assume you do to….

Speaking of worthless, fat, Jewish chicks that are only funny because they are such shitty quality, here’s Natasha Lyonne and her post drug addicted body on the beach in the shittiest quality pictures I’ve ever posted. There was a time I used to finger my ass to her Slums of Beverly Hills tits….but she always had a busted up face, it was just a matter of time before her body took her faces lead….

I just got back from having lunch with a group of highschool girls because that’s what I do for fun. They were telling me all about their sexual adventures and I was blaming the growth hormones in the milk for their naughtiness.

Either way, I got home and feel like I am dying, but came across these Sienna Miller topless beach pictures and figured I’d post them because you’re more into pictures of topless girls you’ve seen topless at least 20 times more than you care about horny teens and their sexcapades….