The pregnancy weight seems to be gone - but the implants aren’t. I guess that’s the deal with with implants, shits just don’t go away, you can be burried with the fuckers after you die and when some pervert digs you up to have sex with your skeleton, he’ll be pleasantly surprised that he chose the right grave and there’s more for him than just a skull to fuck and will have some tit to play with before getting off, then getting arrested and locked up for a really long time for having a really sick fetish that makes bringing your girlfriend home to meet your mother a pretty awkward and gross experience.

Either way, here’s Christina Aguilera and her fake tits busting out of her shirt, which is about as impressive as the time I paid my rent all by myself, using my wife’s money. She just doesn’t deserve any respect because anyone with 5000 dollars can make this shit happen and that’s just part of the reason I hate fake tits.

My wife just came out of the room wearing some kind of silk sheet as a dress and told me that she’s decided to become a plus sized model at 40 years old. I told her that plus sized models are just a lazy disgusting version of regular sized models and they only get work because America is fat as fuck and offended by regular sized models, calling them too skinny and boney and all that other hurtful shit that is a hell of a lot better than being plus sized. It still gives fat girls the opportunity to get work pretending to be normal and attractive and not lazy slob freaks of nature they are….and that said my wife’s got no chance because she can barely get out of bet let alone fit into a pair of plus sized pants for people to take pictures of.

I went on to tell her that what we don’t see after jerking off to those plus sized lingerie catalogs that I know you’re so fond of, is that it’s not all that glamorous. It’s all about a whole lot of fabric and elastic bands, reinforced runways and chairs, emergency crews at the shoots in case of heart attacks and most importantly all you can eat buffets. That’s when I lost my wife’s attention and she hit up the kitchen for her own all you can eat party involving her and her best friend Oreo.

Here’s some Kim Kardashian from last week showing off her plus sized tits and plus sized ass at some plus sized event because she’s luxurious like that.

Here’s some big breasted Food Network host named Giada De Laurentiis paddle surfing with her big breasts and a pair of shaping panties that most middle aged women like to squeeze themselves into to make their legs and asses look less sloppy than aging has made them. I am really against this paddle surfing shit, but I am willing to let it slide this time because Giada is an immigrant and immigrants never really know what’s up, they are just trying to fit in.There’s really nothing wrong with trying to fit in other than the fact that the people you are trying to impress are usually useless and only really care about themselves and won’t give you the time of day when you’re no longer the Big Breasted Food Network girl, but compromising yourself for those fleeting minutes of acceptance is okay, especially when it involves you showing off your vagina burger like it’s some kind of new recipe everyone’s gotta try.

A while back I went to a bar and met a hot euro-trash guy who said he was from Monaco. I was mix’n Xanax with liquor (as i usually do). He tells me he is an art-dealer, which means he launders money. And this is where it all goes to SLUT…

“…. suddenly inside Kama Sutra theme apartment… art guy doing lines with new Indian guy… shivering in panties in the bathtub as water runs… art guy can’t get it up…. art guy crying… waking up naked in a silk canopy bed next to Indian guy…. sensing i had not had sex but had been groped in my sleep… weird bruises in tender places… realizing I was much classier when I was as a hooker…” In my book, I didn’t truly become a whore until I stopped charging: being a hooker was a business, being an irresponsible slut was being a whore.

Here is Tara Reid, old-school Slut, giving it to a football in Malibu yesterday. She’s on one of her clean-up kicks and looking good (except her busted lypo abs). But her hot streaks always end the same way: 20 lbs of beer bloat, botched plastic surgery, and a boob slip. Until then, enjoy these.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

Paris Hilton has been out of Jail for about a week or something and has already spent time on the beach in Hawaii, she’s gone shopping and she’s been going to acting classes and obviously trying to launch some sort of worthy career we can all laugh at her about. She held off on partying for all this time and has finally gone out to a club over the weekend. The funny thing about her is that she’s got some crazy fucking tit action going on and since I saw her half naked, I know shit’s not real. She’s probably been hanging with Pam Anderson’s magical boyfriend to make this illusion shit happen, or she’s just spent a decent amount of money on some miracle bra and fake tit inserts because this cleavage makes no fucking sense for an A-Cup.

Whenever I see girls do this kind of thing, I get a little pissed off. They are the kind of girl you think are hot and you’re scoring huge with when you get enough courage to roofie them up and drag them out of a club by their hair to bring them home with you, because let’s face it, that’s the only game you really have, your personality doesn’t ever get you that far. Once you get them naked you realize that they are not the woman you thought you were getting with and for the rest of the night all you can think about is the 200 pound fat slut who actually had real tits that you coulda probably got without having to date rape drug them.

Paris Hilton reminds us that things aren’t always what they seem as she pretends to make a difference in the world from her life changing jail experience by going to clubs and getting drunk with a set of big tits that just confuse us as into thinking whether anything out there is really authentic or just some practical joke they are playing on us like life is candid fucking camera….