Laura Vandervoort is some no-name Canadian actress who has been in a whole lot of shitty Canadian productions that I’ve never seen despite being in Canada, but you probably have because one of those shows is Smallville and it’s about Superman and you just can’t get enough of Superman because his strength always gets you through the ruff patches.

She is in the In the Deep 2 movie that Audrina is in and I hear she was casted because of her hot body and not so much because of her 2005 Wizard Magazine award for her role as Supergirl. Wizard Magazine is just the reason why you know who she is, because like Superman, you can’t get enough of Wizard Magazine because it keeps you in the loop of all things virgin dudes are into and you pride yourself on that.

Either way, she looks pretty fuckin’ good in a bikini, even for a Canadian, who you wouldn’t expect to have much of a beach body, but you would expect them to have a pretty solid snow shoveling arm.

So the formula for useless slut success is pretty simple. Get fake tits, suck the right dick to end up on a shitty MTV show that for some reason is a huge success because people obviously have nothing better to do with their time. because they are even more useless than the fake tit sluts on the show.

That popularity leads to shitty movie roles like to the sequel to a Jessica Alba movie that only got an audience because Alba was in a bikini the whole fuckin’ time and the movie companies know that we’re easily manipulated. Unfortunately, the next round doesn’t have as much of a budget and they couldn’t get Alba because she’s pregnant and too expensive, so they took the next best thing, someone who wasn’t scared that a role that shitty would ruin their career but would instead think of it as an opportunity of a lifetime and that person is Audrina from the Hills.

Lily Allen didn’t end up killing herself yesterday to find her miscarriage in heaven, but she did decide to cover up her dirty fat chick tits. I can only assume that the biggest disappointment for her in losing the baby was that she was never going to get her big pregnant tits to balance out that ass of hers. I guess she could always go out and get implants but there’s no real challenge in goin’ under the knife, all it takes is money and based on today’s world useless bitches everywhere seem to have no problem having more money than me. That’s not really saying much considering the dude who collects cans from the trash all day has more money than me, but he does work a lot harder than I do.

It turns out that even party sluts need a break every once in a while, you know sometimes they just want to put the binge drinking, late night coke parties, random hook ups, dancing on the bar in a bikini top like an eternal spring break party on the back burner to feel like a normal person. They usually do this by settling down with some random guy they met in the club and it lasts for about a week, until she realizes how fuckin’ boring relationships are and she ends up sneaking out when dude is asleep and goes back to her party slut ways.

The good news is that in the meantime, Tara Reid is settling down by getting in a bikini on the beach with the dude she’s using to feel like a normal 35 year old, because bitch’s body looks pretty fuckin’ banging and drunk or not, I’m down with staring at it.

I was served by the hottest lookin girl I had ever seen at a store today. Her face was flawless and I was wondering why she was working such a shitty job when she probably had the potential of making a hell of a lot more money if she just used her looks to get ahead. I was tempted to tell her how hot she was and how she should be doing something better than an 8 dollar an hour gig because I know way uglier chicks than her making 50,000 dollars a month just getting naked and doing lesbian shit online, but I wasn’t in the mood to socialize because I am socially awkward and always seem to say the wrong thing. Like this weekend, when I told a girl she was haggard in efforts to make her laugh before realizing that girls don’t find being called haggard all that funny. Anyway, this seemingly hot chick moved away from the counter she was hiding from and from the tits down she was obese. I am not talking a little obese like a girl who just needs to jog for a couple of months, I am talking fat camp obese and I took my food and walked away confused at what my brain just went through because this girl went from being smokin’ hot to being scary and fat in a matter of seconds and I just don’t have the capacity to process that shit fast enough.

Here are some pictures of Heidi Klum on the beach in a bikini which isn’t anything abnormal since we’ve seen her half naked over the course of her career, but I guess it’s safe to say that despite still being hot, she’s not where she used to be and I can only blame Seal for ruining her in more ways than just her post pregnancy body, if you know what I mean.

Elisha Cuthbert is still on the beach, but then again these pictures could be a couple of days old - I am not entirely on the ball when it comes to this shit. I have a few issues with the site, mainly that I could be getting sued for the use of copyrighted images despite taking down the images within 24 hours of receiving notice of who the pictures actually belong to because when I post them I have no idea who took them. I know this shit is repetitive and I am trying to figure out how to work around it, but there really is no way and as bigger corporations make their way onto the internet, running personal sites like this and running commentary on shit I find online is becoming harder to do. I don’t know what the future of the site is but I wanted to let you know that a lawsuit could be hitting soon and it’s kinda putting a damper on my day, kinda like how you feel after seeing your celebrity girlfriend who you thought you had a chance with because she’s not all that famous out in Hawaii with a richer more successful and famous dude than you, because you can be pretty sure if they are on a resort together, they are definitely havin sex with each other.

The good news about Bai Ling is that despite having little to do with her time, she still manages to find a way to show the world her huge dark nipples. I have never really had the experience of getting with a girl who has nipples like this and that’s probably a good thing because I know that any bitch packing a mini dick on her tits would use that shit to to prison rape me every time I cheat on them in hopes of getting with a nipple that is less like suckin’ a dick and more like being with a chick.

I realize that every other site that talks about her nipples are saying the same thing about her, but there’s really only so much you can say about a girl who manages to show her nipples more than any other person all while no one knows who the fuck she is or what she has done or is doing. It’s like every time she shows up to an event and finds herself not on the list because no one knows who she is, she manages to get in because the people working the door know they have seen her nipples on the internet and that must mean she’s someone and that her name not being on the list is just some kind of mistake.

Either way, if I like how despite having something she should probably be insecure about, like someone with 3 nipples who won’t take her shirt off in public or or someone with a retardedly large testicle who won’t have sex with girls becuase of embarrassment, Bai Ling still manages to bust that shit out like she doesn’t give a fuck about it, I think it could be a language barrier.

John Mayer is the sloppy second predator. He finds these recently broken hearted girls who are down on their luck when it comes to love and feel like shit about themselves, making them an easy target to bed. He is the rebound king, but probably doesn’t play basketball, because he spent most of his youth playing the piano instead like some kind of homo, a homo who no girls around him would have sex with cuz he was the loser music class all star and apparently that didn’t go as far as being captain of the school sports team.

The good news for him is that in his time alone he realized that to get over one guy a girl gets under the first guy that comes her way and as long as he is the first guy she gets under, he gets all the rewards of her previous sex-life with her longterm relationship she is just trying to get over. So he treats them all special and makes them laugh knowing that it probably won’t take up more than 6 weeks of his time and in those 6 weeks will get unprotected sex, anal sex and all the other things the last guy had to work hard to get the slut to do, all without any work because the girl he is dealing with is trying to get back at the last dude.

I know that Jennifer Aniston’s last long term relationship was 3 kids ago, but she’s still raging on the inside and you can tell by how hard her nipples are for her stand-in cock, until Brad Pitt realizes that leaving her was the biggest mistake of his life and comes crawling back to her, which probably will never happen, but does happen in her mind everyday as she plays out that fantasy over and over.

Here’s some Gemma Atkinson Bikini Pictures from Cuba, where she’s enjoying the friendly people, the beautiful beaches and the warm Caribbean Ocean, something that you’ll never be able to do because you government hates Cuba and has been trying to make them go bankrupt the last 50 years in hopes of taking the motherfuckin’ place over and turning it into a Peurto Rico or Hawaii.

I know that I wouldn’t be so down or so quick to call myself the land of the free when the government will arrest me if I step foot into a resort island that everyone else in the fuckin’ world has been enjoying for affordable vacations all these years. I know some people who have spent some time in Cuba and when I ask them how it was they all say amazing because there were no Americans, so maybe it’s better for the rest of the world that you stay the fuck out of Cuba, I’ve seen what happens when you visited Iraq and that kind of behavior would probably discourage chicks to tan with their fatty tits.

Either way, here’s Gemma with her retarded tits in her Red Bikini for Communism in Cuba.

Here’s Elisha Cuthberty and her dumpy ass still on the beach, only today they decided to do fun activities like Sea Kayaking. I know that getting away to a sunny paradise is something you want to take full advantage of but when your a fresh new awkward lookin’ couple, I think it should be spent exporing each other’s bodies, figuring out what each other like sexually and most importantly fuckin’ like crazy people, because from my experience the best sex I’ve had has come from the mentally and emotionally unstable.

This one time, this schizophrenic chick drank on her meds when she wasn’t supposed to and it lead to her pretty much raping me and begging me to have a threesome, I was totally down until I realized that the other person involved was her alterego who was a 45 year old Jewish Accountant demanding me to give him my recipts, I still did it cuz I was in a vagina but I questioned my sexuality for about a week.

I guess none of that matters, what does matter is that Cuthbert is wearing her American pride bikini to get popularity votes by supporting your troops in Iraq while her hockey player supports her tits in his mouth as the dance around on the beach like a couple of fags.

Elisha Cuthbert is on Vacation in Hawaii and new bikini pictures of her from her trip with her boyfriend have hit because it turns out that people with money wear more than one outfit over the course of the week, something I can’t really relate to. I have my one trusty pair of jeans that are too small on me and my 3 T-shirts that I rotate as often as I have to based on smell. I do have a lot of pairs of socks because I’ve accumulated them over the years, they don’t match but they get the job done and I don’t really believe in underwear. I have the same pair of running shoes that I’ve had or about 7 years and that’s pretty much the story of me, but when Elisha Cuthbert pictures are being posted, I know that I’m not what you care about. I am a second rate citizen and can’t compete giving me more reason to hate this bitch for trying to steal my thunder. That said, she’s from Montreal and I’d love to find out what her home address is here so that I can invite myself over or Christmas Dinner. It’s probably a a lot better than the free shit they give you at the homeless shelter and it’s never too early to start planning.

BONUS - People Are Claiming This is A Nipple Slip…I Don’t See It…But Then Again…I’ve Had Sex

Bai Ling was out getting publicity by hanging out with her new friend and boyfriend Pink, which isn’t a very good name for anyone’s boyfriend, but when they wear women’s clothes it’s kinda accepted, despite how uncomfortable their twisted androgynist ways that lead to them wearing women’s clothing in the first place is. There’s pretty much nothing interesting to say about her, other than that she’s pretty skinny, but then again she’s Asian and I guess that just means she hasn’t found the great taste McDonald’s has to offer like all the other fat chinese people that are floating around. It’s not their fault it’s just the American Way.