The worst feeling you get as a fat man is when you’re at a restaurant or party and walk into the bathroom after someone takes a nasty fucking shit and when you walk out and the stink trails you and everyone in line automatically thinks you took the shit because you are fat and fat people are wrongfully accused of shitting a lot.

I was in a bar that had one bathroom the other night and there was a line-up of girls and guys waiting to go do blow in the bathroom and whoever was in there before me fucking gave birth to some weird smelling shit and I was fucking gagging while trying to piss. As soon as I walked out the 2 hottest girls in the place were next in line to go in and for the rest of the night they wouldn’t look at me without laughing or looking at me in disgust. I was the fat dude who takes stinky shits in public bathrooms when we’re out drinking, I guess I am the fat dude who stinks to a lot of people but reality is that I barely ever shit and that’s the reason I tell people that I am full of shit, literally, but no one ever believes me.

I know Hayden isn’t a fat man but she kinda looks like one and I have a feeling that this bird drops the nastiest smelling shits after drinking her luxurious coffees and reading stories to kids with a crown on, because I have a feeling she thinks she’s some kind of princess and she needs to be kicked off her fucking throne…with my dick.

I think Lohan is the hottest thing out there. I don’t really know why, because she’s really not all that hot, but there’s just something about her that makes me feel like a natural woman and by natural woman I mean pervert who wants to see her naked.

I was talking to some girl last night who was wasted and she asked me if I liked to fuck donkeys because I was fat and Mexican looking, I responded by saying that I don’t fuck donkeys but I wouldn’t mind fucking her because her cunt probably smells like a barn, but in reality I am a married man and would much rather make out so I could taste the cum from the last 5 dudes she’s fucked that day on her mouth, not cuz I am into other dude’s cum, I am not gay like that, but I am all about sluts.

Here are some pictures of Lohan’s Big Fucking Tits in Utah where she’s moving for some snowboarding dude she met in rehab, but I am sure it’s just a phase and she’ll relapse soon enough, let’s just hope that relapse happens on my dick.