Bobby Brown is on some TV show that I have never seen and it turns out that motherfucker is a sleepwalkin’ pisser. That means that dudes gets out of bed in his sleep and pisses in random places. That also means that dude has probably pissed on Whitney Houston numerous times and makes you wonder how that went over the first time his little disorder came to light but she was probably too high to realize what was going down and appreciated that dude gave her dehydrated crackhead self a little something to drink.

I used to know a dude who had the same problem as Bobby Brown, but was never lucky enough to have my face pissed on. It turned out that he was the worst person to bring to a chick’s “after party” because he would always end up passing out when I was trying to get busy. I remember sitting on the couch one time fingering some chick and dude walked out of the bedroom he was sleeping in, walked up to the chair next to us. lifted the cushion on the chair up like it was a toilet seat and pissed all over that fucking thing. It stank of piss right until I sold it to someone for booze. Another time, I brought him to some chick I was fucking’s house and he walked in on us while I was giving it to her and pissed in her laundry basket without realizing it.

He was kind of cock block because every time he went anywhere he’d end up pissing on other people’s shit and people don’t seem to respond well to people pissing on their shit, no matter how funny it is, unless it’s in their unflushed toilet in which case they are just embarrassed that you’ve seen what kind of shit they are packing and try to pretend it never happened.

My defense for my friend and for this Bobby Brown motherfucker is that at least they aren’t a sleepwalking rapists, because pissing on some dirty laundry is a lot easier to handle emotionally than waking up being pinned down by some snoring motherfucker’s dick in your ass. True story.