I used to always get surprised when I’d see the skater-punks like Avril in my neighborhood bending over to pick up their skateboards and seeing that they were rockin’ a thong under their baggy jeans and Punk Band T-shirt. I always expected them to be the kind of girls who wear men’s underwear or at least boy shorts that look like men’s underwear, because it just made sense, since they were pretending to be dudes. But the reality is that they weren’t pretending to be dudes, they were pretending to be skater-punks and l’d never get surprised seeing those same girls a year later rockin’ UGGS, American Apparel leggings and over-sized vintage dresses like they were Lindsay Lohan, because every girl influenced by the media’s gotta grow out of the poser-punk Avril Lavigne, Tony Hawk Pro Skater, candy-coated bullshit who sits around all day learning tricks and chasing boys and who drinks 40s with her friends while smoking weed in the park blowjob phase and turn into a cocaine dabbling, club going, vodka cranberry loving, dancing on the bar before sucking off a chachi in the bathroom then going back to a hotel party for an orgy phase. It’s just the normal course of becoming a woman.

Either way, I was expecting Avril to be rockin’ a pair of board shorts and not a pair of tight boy shorts, but I guess girls becoming a woman now that she’s married and shit and feels ok showing off the ass she never had growing up but has now that she’s older. I can only hope the next time these kinds of pictures hit she’ll be wearing something a little more lady-like, like her punk rock vagina, because from what I’ve been told, there’s nothing more lady-like than pussy.

The rumor is she’s pregnant, but doesn’t look like she’s pregnant in these pictures, but I’m not a doctor, I just pretend to be when it comes in handy, like that time the old lady fainted at the mall and I got to give her mouth to mouth. She may have tasted like Werthers and Cod Liver Oil but I still got a boner and that never happens. Or the time I convinced this chick at the coffee shop that her cough was serious and that I had to give her a full physical in the bathroom to get to the root of the problem and instead of using surgical gloves I used my tongue, and when we were done I prescribed her Tylenol on a Starbucks napkin….fine that never happened but I still say that Avril isn’t knocked up.