I haven’t quite figured out what’s gayer, Mischa Barton’s Dog or her Boyfriend. I’d write more, but why bother, no one reads the site anyway, except for assholes that threaten to sue me for illegally using their boring pictures of useless people like Micha Barton walking her fucking dog with her ladder-climbing opportunist boyfriend who thought fake dating Barton would lead to something bigger for him, before finding out the hard reality that her career is pretty much over, that’s what you get for being ambitious buttfucker.

I am all about spanish chicks. I don’t know why but I think it’s gotta do with fear. They are passionate people and when you wrong them they go fucking crazy and I guess the whole getting stabbed in my sleep for trying to get another girl to show me her tits makes me feel really loved because I would never kill anyone for anyone, I just don’t care enough about anyone to bother, but knowing that a girl is willing to go psycho for me is makes my heart go pitter-patter.

I met a hot Spanish girl last night who knew about the site. It was a bit of an ego boost because I didn’t realize anyone actually read this shit and I was right, she landed on it by accident and never re-visited, but she still remembered the name and that kinda gives me a boner because it means more hot girls are out there and hopefully they are a little sluttier than this one because she was too busy being hot to let me convince her to show me her vagina. In all reality I was scared to ask because she’s Spanish and I didn’t want to get stabbed…..but I did make her whisper sweet nothings in her native tongue, unfortunately not the kind of tonguing I’m into….

Here are some Penelope Cruz using her tongue in her bikini with some boyfriend.

Here are some pictures of Megan Fox at some airport with her lame fucking boyfriend from the other day. The reason I am posting these is because I often think a girl is hot until realizing who they are banging and then I get totally turned the fuck off of them. This bitch is all the rage lately and everyone wants a piece of her and all I can see in this pictures is a half decent girl with shitty fucking tattoos that match her useless boyfriend’s shitty fucking tattoos together making a couple that is not so hot and desirable but wealthy in shitty tattoos.

It seems like girls who all the guys find hot and worth around consistently go out and find the biggest fucking cunt out there as a way to make us all feel like bigger losers than we already are. I remember meeting this girl when I was in my 20s who had everything going for her, a job, money, looks, an education and was probably the best lap dance the city had to fucking offer, but one day while smoking a cigarette outside the club she worked at, I saw her get into the car with some asshole in a tracksuit. At first I thought that dude was just her driver but a month later I saw her at a club with him and a few weeks after that I saw them holding hands walking downtown together and I realized that this bundle of hair gel and muscles and a tattoo that said “Italia # 1″ was actually her boyfriend. It made getting a lap dance from her a struggle, because no matter how bad I loved her naked and grinding on me for 10 dollars a song, I couldn’t get over that she was involved with that dude. Eventually, I would only get dances from her out of spite, it was like a “Hate Fuck” but a little more expensive and a little less naked on my part.

Either way, I know that I am not as popular as David from 90210. I know that he’s been banging pretty decent lookin’ bitches since his last role as David on 90210, 10 years ago, but the only reason for that is because girls in their mid 20s grew up wanting his cock and now they are living out that dream while he is a hell of a lot more accessible. Megan Fox was a nobody up until this Transformers shit hit, so hopefully this new role as the hottest bitch in movies of the summer will open her up to some new cock that is a little easier for people like me to stomach. Until then she’s not a hot slut I want to see more of, she’s just wasted pussy on some useless f-lister, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see her get stuffed like a Turkey on Thanksgiving….let’s just hope this Brian Austin Green asshole isn’t giving her acting tips.

I like british people, because they always stand out like a coldsore at beaches around the world. When I was a little younger, I worked as a janitor at a Club Med. I know it doesn’t sound that glamourous, but I figured if I am gonna be a janitor anywhere, it might as well be on a beach somewhere. I guess the benefit of the experience was that the single women thought the “Maintenance” crew were there to act out porno fantasies with them. You know, these crazy bitches with a little money, who run off with their kids on a family vacation, with hopes of giving a serious pooning to someone with brown skin. Anyway, I only did it for a season, but the point of this post is that British travellers on the beach don’t fit in. They are pastey and usually wearing a fuckin’ snowsuit as to not get a sun burn. Evangeline Lily’s boyfriend is no acception to the rule, even though he lives in Hawaii, motherfucker stills swims with his shirt on, unless it’s a way to cover up some deformity, like a third nipple, or no nipples, or anything that involves the nipple.

Ryan Seacrest is a total cunt. Just because he’s with a bitch, doesn’t mean he is into them. He’s a total poofter and this has been Ryan Seacrest Pretending he’s not gay, Picture of the Day. Even if this motherfucker had a sex tape come out where he’s fuckin 8 chicks, everyone would know it’s a cover-up. You’re not foolin any of us. Jesus Martinez - OUT - fucker.