It is Brooke Hogan’s favorite time of year because all the real celebrities come to her home city and she gets the chance to try to be seen by the paparazzi who otherwise doesn’t give a fuck about her. It’s like some photo opportunity to help promote her dead singing career, cuz she knows she’s known enough for them to snap off some pics if she’s strategically placed and the real celebs haven’t left their hotel rooms yet and that doesn’t change the fact that she looks like a man. That’s why she’s hiding her penis….
I like to take a minute everyday and reflect on life to convince myself it’s not so bad to prevent me from killing myself. I ususally do that by watching something where I can say that no matter how bad my life is, always remember that at least I’m not Brooke Hogan, her singing career or this fuckin’ performance….I don’t know who convinced her that she’s got what it takes, you know that she’s got talent, but they created a poor girl who is out there embarrassing herself everytime she does what she thinks she is good at and what she thinks is her calling, when honesty would have just put her delusions to rest and she’d be living off her dad’s money like a good little rich girl instead of trying to make it on her own doing something that alienates both herself and her audience because most people feel bad pointing and laughing…I am not one of those people….
Here’s a thick fuckin’ Brooke Hogan and her big fake tits doing a stripper pole dance, because I guess it’s a cheap, trashy way to get viewers, unfortunately, she is the kind of stripper you’d expect to see working the stripclub, but the one you don’t really expect to get much work, I mean except from the gay guys who are only there hoping to get a boner and naturally drawn to the girls with cock. Either way, it is a family affair as Brooke’s mom hustles the pole too, like a pro cuz that’s where it all started for her, before she met a super star wrestler. The whole thing is better than a kick in the face, but not really where I need it to be, without vagina flashes, I just can’t be won over, there’s a close call but when whoever it is says their uterus got a work out, I gave up.
I know you’ve all be excited for the fat version of Paris Hilton to release the new video of her new single called Falling and it’s about falling for a guy, falling in love, and she rocks her flat ass and broad shoulders out in a bikini while some weird lookin’ black or white guy that I guess she found at some orphanage because he looks like the kind of guy who’s parents would leave him on the fuckin’ doorstep after seeing his crooked face raps over her shit.
Now I may not be a music producer, but I don’t know how anyone can listen this and think “Shit, that’s a wrap, we’ve got gold” because everything from the beat to the lyrics to the fuckin singing to the rapping to the fuckin video is a piece of fuckin’ shit and I can only assume it was her birthday gift from her dad, because otherwise I have no faith in America.
Nothing like a bitch who is built like a fucking tank, you know too thick for her own kind to get with, forced to a cursed life of inter-racial love affairs, who is missing one key fucking element about being the fat blonde chick that black dudes fuck, and that’s a fuckin’ ass. I don’t really understand what’s going on in these pictures, but they oddly remind me of after hour parties with trannies in their panties, and despite my straight friends having the ability to neglect the fact they have a cock, and appreciate their luxurious hair extensions, make up and sometimes fake tits long enough to bust in their mouths, something I could never really fuck with no matter how drunk I was because I was never very good at lying to myself, I’ve always been forced to deal with the cold hard truth which has always been pretty fucking depressing, but not as depressing as waking up with tranny cock in your ass….
Either way, my advice to Brooke Hogan is to take some of those “CCs” out of her tits and jack that ass up.
Brooke Hogan’s birthday was a couple of days ago, I slept on it, because I don’t really care for birthdays especially when they are for big girls. You know at the bar next to me, where their better lookin’ friends try to get them dick and turn to you because everyone else in the bar has already rejected them and you have nothin’ going on so you entertain the idea of fucking her and when it really comes down to it, she’s way better looking than the woman you share a bed with, so you buy her a drink, because it’s the nice thing to do, and you get to talking and within a minute she gets nasty and all the bitterness that she has burried up inside, the same bitterness that made her fat in the first place starts coming to surface, you know how her friends are cunts for being prettier than her and how guys are assholes cuz they only let her suck their dick and refuse to ever introduce them to their friends, and within 4 minutes entertaining some fuckin disgusting birthday girl turns into a therapy session you can’t fuckin’ escape….but then I realized that Brooke Hogan’s story is not one of big girl, but instead one of incest, of a love for her father that makes other’s uncomfortable because they just don’t get it, they don’t see how true and real it is, they are jealous that they have spent their lives searching for this love that Brooke’s already found, even if it is with her father, and that is the kind of magic I just can’t ignore.
So Brooke Hogan was out filming a video for what I assume is her new album and that’s a perfect example of why having a trashy uneducated father with a lot of money comes in handy. The reason I threw in uneducated, is because the rich kids I’ve met over the years who have parents who aren’t ex-wrestlers/glorified stripclub bouncers, get forced into college when they throw out genius ideas like how they want to be the next Britney Spears, where people like Hulk Hogan, who are blinded by the fact that he thinks his daughter is the best out there, and the guilt from stickin’ his dick in her one night, that he can’t say no, and instead spends what he’d spend on a year of tuition on cutting her album and filming her video where she gets half naked, cuz Hulk and his years of stripclub bouncing knows guy want to get their money worth, especially when it is his money, and like a lap dance, that he’s just flushing down the fucking toilet, because this Khloe Kardashian version of Paris Hilton is going nowhere.
That said, to put things into persepective, her boyfriend who you’d think is a little weasel motherfucker in these pics, is actually 6 foot 2 and 190 pounds….I guess she’s the top. Enjoy. Weirdo.
The question is how many pictures of a dumpy lookin’ Brooke Hogan can you really stomach lookin’ at. You know seeing her fat legs and thick mid section half naked in some kind of disaster that would normally get a motherfucker laughed of stage, but it’s Florida baby and trashy fat chicks is what we fuckin’ do.
The answer is that there’s no such thing as too many….This shit is fucking funny and there may be some repeat shots because I didn’t bother editing them cuz I am lazy, but seriously what the fuck is going on here. I’ve seen bad strippers, but at least they get naked and can distract me from how bad they actually are….this is just in your fucking face comedy…
I kinda feel bad for her, anyone who would do this to themselves is obviously a fucking idiot and you can’t hate a girl for being an idiot, but you can hate her for not getting naked….
Ok…that’s enough of that…Here are some pictures of her dad, Hulk, getting pussy from all angles, including for his daughter, which is convenient since he made herand knows all the tricks since she’s been trained from a young age. It’s his right damnit. No one tells you how to treat things you own…
Some girl just told me about how she has a lesbian fantasy, when I told her that most girls want to get with other girls and asked why she hasn’t made the move yet, she told me that the only girl she’s ever even almost with was her 16 year old sister. They were drunk at a party and decided to make out. I figured that was weird but then she went into how she masturbated with her 16 year old sister more than once, one time was watching porn in her room and another time while having phone sex with one of their boyfriends and the whole thing was pretty fucking hot, at least a lot hotter than the thought of Brooke Hogan and her brother fucking, even if she’s dressed like a 90s video dance party in your face.
If you’ve wondered how Brooke Hogan keeps the figure she inherited from her father, this isn’t you’re answer. I am going to assume she rollerblades for transportation after her brother’s horrific accident made her scared of cars, because that shit is supposed to be cardio and cardio goes against staying a fucking monster of a girl. She reminds me of those dudes you know aren’t straight who rollerblade along the boardwalk in their bike shorts and nothing else in hopes of seducing men, because anyone who slips a pair of these bad boys on is clearly pussy whipped or a homo. This post is a waste of time, I probably should have warned you before you got this far, assuming you got this far, which we all know is serious wishful thinking. The same wishful thinking Brooke has when it comes to fitting into her thin fit jeans.
Keeping with her Tampa classy roots, you know from being the budget destination of Florida, Brooke Hogan brought her retarded fake tits, fake hair and broad shoulders out shopping. I hear after this they made their way to the local gas station to grab some twinkies and diet coke for lunch and then went on to chain smoke while reminiscing about the glory days working the gate a Busch Gardens while getting their bangs styled into a claw. Sure, I’ve never been to Tampa, but it reminds me of the local poor French trash and that’s pretty much what they do, only instead of talking about working at Busch Gardens, they talk about being on Welfare while playing Bingo, and instead of drinking Diet Coke they go for the no name brand’s hard stuff, but their daughters looks like Brooke Hogan, only a little more haggard and emaciated from chain smoking at the age of 10. They also take it up the ass on the first date and don’t mind if you put them on the internet….where as Brooke Hogan’s a little more conservative (read: boring) for that. She’s like a free hooker with a broken vagina.
I wonder what Brooke Hogan put on her Christmas list. She already got the tits she has dreamt about since she was a little girl to balance out her very large frame, she’s already got all the assless pants they sell at her local sex store. She’s already broken up her mom and dad’s marriage so she can have him all for himself. She’s got her brother out of prison and her stepfather in training finally hit puberty making it less embarrassing than it was 6 months ago. Her dad already pulled all the strings his wrestling carer gave him to get her a record deal and a couple photoshoots in Maxim and she’s got all the fake blonde hair she needs, so I guess the only thing you can get fo this North Florida redneck royalty is a good old fashioned gang rape, like the one her momma was part of the day she was conceived…sure they always pretend they hate it at first, but after years of therapy and hard drinking, they’ll be able to accept it for the right of passage it is. Again, I have no idea what I am talking about but I do know the rollerblading Poofter behind her pissed himself and that’s more interesting than Brooke Hogan.
I know you’re thinking that I am about to announce that Brooke Hogan is going to be in Playboy and issue some kind of warning that the day it hits newstands you should refrain from eating because it will guarantee throwing up all over the place uncontrolably, but the truth is, the only pussy that ever made me throw up was a meaty, mangled lookin’ mess that smelled like feces and onion, and even that could have been caused by some bad chicken I ate earlier that day. What I find upsetting is that she turned down Playboy for now, and that sucks because I wanted to compare dick sizes like this dude I knew used to do when he was 6. Yeah, yeah, saying Brooke Hogan has a penis is getting dull, but suckin’ Brooke’s penis isn’t and the only way to fantasize about that, is to see her strategically posed in Playboy and that’s not about to happen anytime soon….
Here’s the story:
Brooke Hogan has turned down an offer to pose nude in Playboy.
“Brooke just didn’t feel that it was the right time,” her rep tells Usmagazine.com exclusively. “It’s not out of the question for the future, but we’ll have to see.”
Brooke Hogan is a fucking beast and she’s out showing off her big weird new tits in a bra to distract us from the pulsating 4 inch clit she’s got tucked away nicely in her pants. I have no idea why she’s making that scary face, but I assume scary faces is something the people close to Brooke Hogan are used to, especially the dudes who get to fuck her. I remember a while back, I was banging this girl who made the scariest fucking facial expressions while having sex. It was like watching a Jim Carrey movie, only it wasn’t funny. Shit went from normal passionate faces, to slowly getting possessed faces, to bad cartoon faces and always ended in tears, the worse thing about it was the noises that came along with those facial expressions, from grunts, to screams to cries of bloody fucking murder and I never knew whether to laugh or cry or put a pillow over her face, but I did always know that it was a total cockblock and was pretty much successful in not letting me come to orgasm. I guess it serves me right for pickin’ her up at some instution for the deaf.
Brooke Hogan is showing off her big fake tits in her bikini and I guess despite hating Brooke Hogan’s masculinity and her broad shoulders and trashy rich north Florida upbringing, I have to say she doesn’t look as bad as she has in the past, proving that all it takes to make your dressing like a chick more believable isn’t about how proper you tuck your cock in, but how big your fake tits are, because the bigger the tits, the less broad your shoulders look, making the only real complicated thing about being a woman in a man’s body is explaining to your mother why all of her lingerie is stretched out and to the random men you bring home, why you have a penis…..cuz from what I’ve been told, that kind of deception gets trannies killed. True story.
