Here’s Anna Kournikova, one of the better things that has come out of the Soviet since the Cold War. Sometimes I feel like I live in a communist Russia. I have a shitty one room apartment that is more dingy than my whore wife’s period panties that were once white and now, 6 years later, are a weird blue color. I have rationed bread and toilet paper because my wife beats me to the shit, and we don’t have money to buy more. I have no spending money and last week, my wife makes me wear grey prison uniform when I am in the house because I had no clothes and she found it at the vintage store and thought it would be funny.

Today I went to make myself some instant coffee because I am poor and spent 2 weeks worth of spending money last night alone and can’t afford my Starbucks now that my free hook-up decided to move up the corporate ladder and took a job over at a Subway. As I was pouring the boiling water in a glass cup because we don’t have coffee mugs, not even the paper ones I stole from the AA meeting I forgot to write about last week, that turned out to be a depressing party, and the fucking thing just exploded in my hand, like I can’t even make a fucking coffee without God trying to kill me with broken glass and boiling water….

I don’t really know where I am going with this, but here are some pics of Anna Kournikova lookin’ hot in Maxim.

Anna Kournikova put professional tennis on the map for me, because before her, I didn’t think girls played sports. Sure there was figure skating, synchronized swimming, dancing and doing the laundry, but nothing I wanted anything to do with. I mean I had accidentally seen lesbian Martina Navratilova playing once before Anna hit the scene, but she wasn’t really a good selling point for the highly sexual nature of the sport and just made me believe I was watching some kind of gender war where a man in a skirt dominated the court sent the girl on the other side of the net back to her husband to make babies because there was no place for her in sports. That was more of a fight for a cause and not as much of the erotic experience of seeing a tight bodied Russian girl whimper her way out of communism with her solid swing, panty ass flashing and grunts that were reminiscent of a girl losing her anal virginity.

Here she is, still going strong, still tight bodied, in a bikini for a magazine photoshoot.

Speaking of girls in sports - here’s the WNBA Fight everyone’s been talking about - not that girls in the WNBA are actually girls, but it’s still worth a watch.

I like girls who work out and have prison tattoos it reminds me of the army, not that I was ever in the army but I like to pretend I was when crawling through my neighbors window to steal his daughter’s panties. It’s makes the whole experience so much more fun, because I know he’s down on his luck and would sell me the shit if I just offered him a couple of bucks or some of my old empties, but the truth is it’s not as exciting as putting on war paint and a pair of cargo pants to really feel like my life has a purpose and that I am on some special operative sting.

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova showing off her fit body and prison tattoos while running a triathalong an that is a lot better than looking at a lazy Kim Kardashian sitting on her fat rich ass. Truth is that I am pretty envious of anyone who is even capable of walking up a flight of stairs without throwing up from exhaustion, like my wife usually does and soon I will be doing, because it turns out after living with someone for a long time, you pick up their disgusting habits, and my wife’s got a whole barrel of fucking disgusting that will lead to my early retirement from this life, unfortunately we won’t be having a party with a golden handsake, maybe just a golden shower all over my tombstone. I guess I have a lot in more in common with Kardashian than I thought….

Here are some Anna Kournikova Bikini pictures, because although she’s getting older, her tight Russian body in a bikini never gets old to me.

The thing I like about Russian chicks is that they have low standards. They are hot and aren’t looking for much more than food on the table and citizenship to a new prosperous country. They grew up as communists with rationed bread and toilet paper and the freedom we have to go and buy as much bread as we want is appealing enough for them to fall in love with you, have your babies and marry you. You don’t need to be famous to bang these bitches, you just need a passport where as North American girls are all materialistic and shit and want their good lookin’, rich, provider of a man who treats them like shit.

I guess the point of all this is to say, start saving your money, because a trip to Russia will make you feel like the rockstar you always wanted to be and maybe you’ll be able to bring home something nice for your mother who is scared you’re going to die alone and a virgin. At least she cares.

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova, the least successful tennis player but probably the best thing to happen to tennis because she wasn’t some brute lesbian grunting on the court, but a dainty little russian who we all pretended her gasps and grunts were sounds of her orgasms. Nothing like shutting your eyes and turning up the volume to a tennis match, that shit’s like porno and we all know how you feel about porn.

Thanks to the dude who sent these in, I’ll be your mail order bride, but I doubt you’d be able to stomach my stink. Cuddles.

Anna Kournikova is probably the most overrated tennis player of all time. I guess she was a nice addition to the sport because she’s pretty hot, and gave men a real reason to watch tennis, because seeing dykes screaming and grunting while flashing their panties isn’t as hot as some young tight bodied Russian chick. Here she is at some event with some fat chick because I the fat chick makes her look skinnier and prettier by comparison in pictures in Miami.

I was at a party with fat chicks the other night too. It wasn’t a very good party and the only reason I was there was because they were part of some group my wife is involved in, like Eating Anonymous or some shit. So here I am in a room full of fat chicks wanting to shoot myself in the head and all their boyfriends and husbands are there trying to have a good time, you know, drinking away their pain of having a wife that looks the way some of these chicks looked. I know some of the dudes didn’t sign up for this shit, but kids and postpartum depression lead to an emotional eating stay at home wife, but some of the other dudes were socially awkward lanky motherfuckers with no self esteem who got in with these chicks who have been fat all their lives because it’s better than being alone and here I am in a room full of them.

My fear was that an orgy was going to be organized, because swinging with obese chicks is when I decide my life isn’t worth living, even though watching it would have been fucking funny. They ended up just doing a conga line and eating more chips than I had ever seen consumed before, and I didn’t have my camera to bring it to you, but I do have these Kournikova pics which are a hell of a lot more interesting than my life and there is a fat chick who would have been considered skinny at the event I was at, but you can pretend.

I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….

I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…

I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.

The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.

I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova in a bikini top and little shorts for you to look at while you sit at your computer thinking about how much you’d rather be at the beach looking a girls tanning but are too scared to leave your house….I guess you could also dream about how you always wanted to be Enrique because of his angelic voice and ability to be gayer that fucking bicycle shorts while still leading the public to believe he is slamming this Russian slag. I can only assume that any real man would never let the world know he sings the way Enrique sings for fear of being called a fag, I can also only assume that this motherfucker only sells records to the middle aged women and gay men because middle aged women like gay men and gay men like gay men. I can also assume that being born and named Enrique kinda type casts you as the cabana boy who is light on his feet and doesn’t really like wearing much more than spandex euro trash booty shorts speedos for everyone to see your package.

That doesn’t change the fact that everyone has had a thing for this Anna Kournikova whore for at least 10 years. I can only assume it is because of her athletic ability, at least that’s why Enrique is with her, I hear she’s in tight with all the pro tennis playing dudes like Serena Williams and hot chicks always attract men leading him to live out his homosexuality disguised as Male-Male-Female threesomes….