Jesus is having issues right now, obviously. So you get to suffer through my thoughts/life until his dick/computer is fixed…

I am hauling ass to Brooklyn tonight to bar hop with my friend “Shanna” while she’s in town. Shanna and I made out once in community college, and since you whip it out every time a Girls Gone Wild commercial comes on, here’s how this went down.

We were at a party and our boyfriends ‘dared’ us to kiss like we were 6 and in the sandbox. Now as a hooker, I did one threesome with two guys once, one threesome with me and another hooker once, and was paid to get down and nasty with that same hooker in front of a bunch of suits as some sort of office bonding experience. I don’t get off on sliding around with girls, it’s just a lot of work and I already have the same parts. I also just hated threesomes in general and refused to do either combo again after the first time: two guys is really just homo, two girls gets so competitive.

But back to the story. I agreed to kiss Shanna since she seemed really excited and we had already seen each other naked before, so whatever. But mostly I did it because my ex-boyfriend was there with his new doberman-faced cunt, and all the hype drew a crowd, and he naturally followed. I wanted to make this fucker’s balls turn blue because he dumped my ass for this fat upstate slag that lived in his dorm, so he wouldn’t have to trek a mile to my place in the snow for sex. So I full throttle sexually assaulted Shanna, and we went at it for around 4 minutes, sucking face, grabbing ass, taking off each other’s shirts, cupping each other’s breasts under the bra, giving the audience just a peak, licking, etc.

Afterwards, Shanna and I complimented one another on the suppleness of our tits and lips. Our boyfriends were satisfied. Most importantly, I walked up to the ex and asked if he had enjoyed the show, he kind of stammered and walked away, trying to hide his raging erection. The ex, his hard on, and his bitch left immediately after that. At least I know that when he fucked his slut later, he was thinking about me. I win.

Here is MK and Ashley Olsen at the airport doing what they do best: looking skinny, electrocuted, homeless, and semi see-through. You know the thought of these two getting it on together used to turn you on because the only thing better than girl on girl is twin on twin. But they are doing there best to kill your dreams by looking like they rode in the baggage compartment. Try and masterbate. You can do it. The end.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

So my crack internet investigation team that include my 2 stepdaughters, a few ex hookers and a couple of the dudes from the park who are on welfare and drunk or medicated all the time have come across these pictures of Marie Kate and Ashley Olsen partying for some chick named Nora’s birthday. Now I don’t know much about Nora but she is in the L.A. socialite circle of girls who have really rich parents. I am talking girls who’s parents are record execs, studio execs, actors and whatever else they fucking do. They are the socialites that Paris Hilton was a part of before becoming the slut that she is today. They are relatively low key, have lots of money, go to parties and nice restaurants but no one really cares about them because they don’t suck dick on camera and go to all the major events but are still out there.

I was talking to one of them on Facebook a while ago, because she’s trying to be a hipster DJ photographer. Her dad works for a record label and all her friends are models that you would know. She was the biggest fucking cunt I’ve come across because I guess most rich girls are. She is dating the dude in Maroon 5, not the main guy but the guitar or bass player and bitch thinks she’s untouchable and owns the fucking world because of who daddy is. I still made fun of her and made her never want to talk to me again. I wish I remember what I wrote to her but I forgot everything today because I saw 2 redheads making out and it tripped me the fuck out….like I’m talking pure orange haired freaks going at it….at first I thought they were brother and sister then I realized they weren’t…..when his tongues was jammed in her mouth….

Either way, it’s safe to say that these socialite rich girls are just as fucking delusional as Paris just not as famous. Either way, the Olsen Twins were at their party and here are the pictures….

Bonus Mischa Barton’s Pill Popping Rehab Sister

Here are pictures of Ashley Olsen the other day wearing a see-through dress.

I know these Olsen bitches are considered to be fashion icons. A few years ago when the mainstream rich kids were making the move from designer Italian jean companies to things like “i pay for hair product that makes me look like I don’t wash instead of just not washing”, thrift stores, over-sized glasses and Jewish outfits of the day, trying their best to look busted up and dirty even though they lived in million dollar homes with their parents who drive luxury cars and went to private schools and had allowances and access to the credit card to buy anything they want but chose to buy ratty pieces of shit. Well, I blame the Olsen’s for that.

I guess it’s always been around, you know the whole rich kid trying to pretend he’s not rich by lookin’ poor or the thug from the ghetto jackin’ himself in gold and diamonds and driving luxury cars to look rich. People just aren’t happy being what they are born into. Well I will say that if I was born into a rich house, I’d be wearing Yacht Club and Country Club clothes every fucking day. I am tired of smelling my own ass while typing up posts.

On a side note, I hope this style hits it big so that I can make creepy faces at girls wearing them, it’s kinda what I do, maybe it’s my way of rebelling against being married.

Here are some pictures of Ashley Olsen eating because I guess we all have to do it sometimes, even when you are rich and have an eating disorder.

I am not entirely happy with my posts today because they are fucking weak, but I think I am doing okay considering I am wasted and typing with one eye open. I am actually more disappointed with the way everyday people are. I saw some drunken fat guy get in some homeless lookin’ dudes face. The homeless lookin’ dude was in 4 pairs of sweat pants and had 2 big pit bull lookin’ dogs. When the fat drunk dude started getting gangster on him, the dog snapped and bit the motherfucker. All the chaos made the other dog turn on the dog that bit the fat drunk cunt. Anyway, I saw the homeless lookin’ dude freaking out, both his dogs were fucked up and he needed money to pay to get them stitched up. Dude could have been full of shit and on a crack run, but I dug into my pockets and gave him 10 dollars in change that I had set aside to get drunk with. Some corporate young executive piece of shit who probably had a nice job and a nice car and a girlfriend he takes skiing decided to lecture the homeless lookin’ dude for being a bum and shit like he’s a fucking evangelist or some shit and he’s a better fucking citizen….

I guess where I am going with this is that I am a fucking hero and I am poor, and dudes with money are cocksuckers and if that theory holds true, then Ashley Olsen is a cocksucker too, and I fucking love girls who suck dick, cuz it makes them look like little porno sluts and that’s kinda what I look for in the company I keep….

I went through a phase a long time ago where I would jerk off to girls doing everyday things. One of those things was eating - so if you’re as craft as I used to be in my jerking off, these pics are for you.

People give these girls way too much credit. They made such a big deal about their 18th birthday that’s followed them around for the last 3 years since they turned 18. I feel like if you can buy cigarette and lottery tickets, you’re too old to suck my dick. In fact, from all the emails I get, the older girls get, the less inclined they are to suck your dick. I remember hearing stories when I was 15 about how much dick the 15 year old girls would suck at summer camp and other random places, I guess it’s because they weren’t giving up their box and knew the only way to finish off the dude was with their mouth. I was too busy slamming the Albino down the street to really capitalize on that shit, you know with being the immigrant in the school and shit but as they get older, they slowly phase the blowjob out and leave it up to you to bang em. It’s like you never get a chance to fully enjoy head and they never finish you off from the way you want them too. Before you know it their pants are off and they are riding you. In case you haven’t noticed, I am not really talking about you because you are a virgin and don’t have sex. I am not really talking about me either because I can’t get it up, but I am talking about the Olsen’s being past their prime and here is one of them in a bra, or lack there of because her tits are smaller than my dick.

I had to delete the pics because Paparazzi are fucking assholes with deep pockets…