I didn’t watch the American Music Awards because they are a waste of fucking time, even though every acceptance speech is about how shit changes lives, but unfortunately my life wasn’t one of those lives changed today, because I don’t own a TV, but if I did, I’d be living the fuckin’ dream and I am pretty sure I’d be watching scrambled porn, not because I like porn, but because distorted blue and green sex scenes excite me more than Dick Clark’s bullshit award show.
I tried getting someone in LA to crash red carpet for this event for stepTV, but I have no real pull, I couldn’t get press access and security’s a bitch, not to mention the dude I know in LA doesn’t have a camera and can barely speak english, but it still would have been better coverage than the actually award show, but that’s just like comparing a hot girl to some fat one night stand you once brought home when drunk because she was willing and you are an opportunist who doesn’t turn down a girl when she offers you creampie, unfortunately when you got back to her place, you realized that by creampie bitch actually meant a cream pie and you sat there eating whip cream and watching reruns of Seinfeld, because that’s all that was on at 4 am, until you sobered up and had to peace the fuck out because you realized that her elastic waistband on her sweat pants wasn’t something that could really get you off and for the record stepTV is that fat chick because it’s lower quality but makes for a better fuckin’ story.
I am recovering from binge drinking like a sorority girl during Homecoming week, and I don’t remember all that much of the last two nights, but I do know I laughed a lot so if you’re lucky I’ll bring some of that to you here, it happens sometimes, just not in this post.
Here are the arrival pictures from the AMAs.
Beyonce’s Got Some Insane Cleavage Going On….I Guess Someone’s Been Eating Her Fried Chicken
Alicia Keys Did Some Choreographed Dance Routine I Didn’t Understand
Amanda Bynes Got Some Fucking Legs
Ashley Tisdale is Hot Right Now, Like a Busted Old Pick-Up Truck In Your Front Lawn on a Hot Summer’s Day…
Avril Lavigne Dressed Like an Academy Award, If Academy Awards Had Stupid Hair
Some Carrie Underwood Wearing Curtains
Jennie Garth Dancing With Her Old Face…Which She Thinks is a Star…But Really Isn’t
Rihanna in Some Halloween Costume Shit Still Lookin’ Hot…
Vanessa Hudgens Because We’ve All Seen Her Naked and I Like to Show Love To Bitches Who Get Naked….
Fergie because Her Body is Too Good to be a Man
Nicole Scherzinger Because Her Dress Reminds Me of This Retarded Kids Art Project But Less Attractive….
Kellie Pickler Because We Like to Support Her Fake Tits
Miley Cyrus Because She’s Jailbait and has the Coolest Fuckin’ Father to Ever Grace the Radio With His Fucking Annoying Song….
I have said it before and I will say it again because I think that this message needs to get across to the public more than it already has and that is that I love leotards. They are one of the few pieces of clothing that touch the tits, ass and pussy at the same time and that’s more skills than you have. I know that isn’t saying much but it’s saying something.
I remember when I first got with a girl in the 90s who was wearing a bodysuit and since I never really spent all that much time with ballerinas and gymnasts, I didn’t know what the fuck to do when trying to get into her panties. I was like reaching down her pants and couldn’t find an entry point. Eventually I figured out that shit had snaps in the crotch and I worked my way in, too bad she was asleep, I am sure she would have loved it as much as I did.
That doesn’t change the fact that Beyonce is thick as fuck and should be running on the treadmill a little more than emotionally eating every time her boyfriend goes on tour with the younger/hotter model, but I still think she’s worth wallet fucking because this bitch is rich, even if her time to shine has left us and her future takes more of the shape of a fat Gospel singer. At least she’ll always have God on her side.
Here’s a video of Beyonce performing. Her dress somehow flies up and you can see her tit for a split fucking second and the only reason I know this is because someone emailed it to me. I watched the video 5 times and didn’t see the tit but then again my brain works a little slower than a computer programming loser who spent the last 4 hours playing it over and over to get the perfect frame so that he can bust nut to it. I assume that computer programmer was you and that this is old news so that I can move on in about a minute to try to find things to post with a little more substance than this, or at least shit that you can actually make out the nipple in, because if you’re going to post tit slips, you might as well post tit slips people can actually see, not some kind of video that you need to speak binary code to decipher…
I shouldn’t really laugh at anyone falling down the stairs to music, especially since I’m not black and can’t really dance so well anyways. No matter how hard I try I just end up looking like a stripper, you know? Anyways, this was taken as Beyonce’s concert last night or something and apparently shortly after it happened, she asked during a pause between songs that people not put it on youtube and the net etc.
Really that just goes to show what a bubble this chick is living in, because A) If we wanted we could probabaly find video of her taking a crap before the concert on the net and B) It’s funny as shit, and nobody would be loyal enough to her not to want to share it with the rest of the world.
Not even your biggest fan is going to pass up that kind of oppurtunity honey. Sorry….
I am about as into Beyonce as I am into beastiality. Not because I am a racist but because bitch reminds me of a dog. A very big dog with an angelic bark that wants me to say its name and feels like its a survivor who spends her days being lazy as fuck doing nothing while people like you have to work.
I guess you could argue that she paved her own way, she made her own money, she did her own thing and worked really hard for a few years to get where she is, but I can’t help buy be bitter about things, not because I feel like I deserve her life, but I do feel like some people don’t deserve fame and fortune for such menial things like singing.
My biggest issue with celebrity, and I don’t want to get preachy, because preachy is fucking boring and I don’t really give a fuck about it, but I will say that there are a lot of people out there who help people, who do good things, who make the world work, and who spend their lives slaving away to support their families and to better themselves and have nothing to show for it. They end up dying from the stress, or living broke as shit in a shitty apartment, unable to do much but wait until their time is up. Sure they may have good families, they may be satisfied but when bitches like this rub it in our faces living their life of excess, I just think it’s greed.
There’s so much shit going on out there, there is so much the kind of money this bitch makes in a year could do to help, and even if she goes on some Oprah kick and opens a school or gives a million dollars to charity it would be the equivalent of someone who makes 30,000 dollars a year giving 100 dollars to some poor kid foundation. I guess 100 dollars is a lot when you only make 30,000 a year, but it base cost of living takes priority. When you make 20,000,000 dollars a year, you have enough to pay you base living costs and even if bitch was to clear 1,000,000 dollars a year after all is said and done, she’s still living better than the rest of us.
All I know about black people is the general stereotypes. I have one black friend and he thinks he’s Jewish, he’s one of those educated black people who’s mom is a lawyer or some shit. You know the kind who knows how to play tennis and ski. He was actually my social worker at one of my halfway houses years ago, and we’ve kept in touch. He was doing the social work bullshit to get into med school or someshit. Either way, his life was like the Cosby Show, and nigger wasn’t a nigger at all, he was whiter than you, you fuckin’ honkey. Shouldn’t you be in the kitchen making Kraft Dinner or someshit? The point of my story is that black women have big asses, even when they are famous, if you watch this Beyonce clip, you’ll see her fried chicken eating booty. And remember I am not the loser who recorded this shit to their computer and played it back over and over in hopes of seeing ass crack, you are. LOVE!
Too much fried chicken is what I think when I see Beyonce’s ass. I am not saying that because it’s some racial - chicken/watermelon/fat blond chick/ too lazy to work statement. I am saying it cuz she’s all over the fucking Popeyes, she had a sponsorship and got to eat free friend chicken all the time. The problem is that all the weight went to her ass and legs, and although guys pretend to like women who are hefty downtown, we really don’t, we just put up with it, cuz when you have a big ass, you usually have big tits, and we like tits….so point of the story is Beyonce is fat, and i will get a ton of motherfuckers disputing that…but guess what asshole, I have pictures to prove it.
