Brittany Snow is in some movie playing some kind of man hating prostitute and this is a scene showing off how badly she wants to destroy all penis one penis at a time. I think it’s a pretty common situation where a girl gets raped as a kid and finds herself living the life as a whore to support her addiction caused by trying to forget being raped as a kid. The problem with that strategy is that she ends up absorbing herself in the seedier part of men as they mistreat her whore body and use her as some kind of live action sex doll because she is a whore and since they are paying her to be a live action sex doll it’s kind of acceptable behavior. But that makes her hate them more and the only way to live with herself is to do drugs harder and that gives her the idea to destroy all cock that comes her way as some kind of superhero that isn’t anything super except maybe a super wreck that thinks she is doing her part in saving the world like how I feel every time I recycle because I know putting that one can in the recycle bin won’t save the planet, but it feels like I just helped.

Either way, it’s just a scene from a movie and I have known dudes who loved getting their balls abused by chicks but there’s nothing funny about that, it’s just weird. But I did know a guy who always asked girls to play with his balls. I am talkin’ no matter where we were, he’d ask any girl around to play with his balls, whether she was a waitress, a clerk in a store, a group of teenage girls eating ice cream or even elderly women in the park. The dude just loved testicle play so much that it’s all he ever thought about despite how awkward it made everyone else feel. It always made me laugh so, this one’s for him.

Sugar Nell again. I have a bone to pick with this unmuzzled wench, Brittany Snow, and it all started back in 2003 when my Turkish ex-pimp Zeki was stealing cable so we could get a better picture because let’s face it, bunny ears don’t do shit, and you are nothing with out even basic cable. NOTHING. One fine fall evening, Zeki let us girls have an hour of TV-time before he appropriated our lady-parts for his financial gain. This piss-poor show “American Dreams” came on… Oh Miss Snow. My beef with her is not that she looks like some genetic-wizard’s wacky hybrid of a poorman’s new-nose Ashlee Simpson and Tara Reid on a good day, but that she is a terrible actress. I will give it to her–she has rock hard abs, skinny hips that are on the cusp of tranny, is skinny, but looks like she should be steeling gasoline in a plastic milk jug from the Esso so she and her pals can huff the pain away.

In a not completely unrelated story, Snow looks like the best looking/ friendliest stripper at this boondock slag-shack in upstate New York that I visited post-Zeki, when i began my adventure on the Community College track. I had heard this place had “Amateur Night” every night. So one sad Tuesday my friend and my professor decided to move the malt-liquor marathon on to this aforementioned palace of peekaboo-poonani, which of course, was so classy it did not have a liquor license (awesome), yet managed to have white powder lining the nostrils of every dancer there (and bitches wouldn’t share, most of which were big and brokedown, so its not like it was going to good use). The three of us and a weathered rail-of-a-man romancing his 7up were the only patrons in this fairly un-exciting shit-shanty. So my friend and I jump on the stage (because every night is amateur night) and it’s like suddenly the strippers have a new lease on life, start zealously tutoring us in the art of “pole”: we were their Matt Damon to their Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting. I don’t know who was Minnie Driver. We made two bucks off our community college professor, three off the old man with the 7up, and we were offered a job.

And a stripper who looked like Brittany Snow made it all happen…

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell
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