Here are some pictures of a pregnant Nicole Richie leaving town with her lame as fuck baby daddy, provided the baby makes it out of the womb alive. I assume that she’s had so much dick in her that her small frame’s got some big vagina and I wouldn’t be surprised if the baby’s already fallen out and into the toilet when she’s taking a shit forcing her to push it all back in place and using hair elastics to lock it all into place….so that it has a semi-normal development.

Reality is that someone like Joel Madden doesn’t deserve to get a girl pregnant, even if it’s someone as useless to the world a Nicole Richie. He is the kind of guy who girls double up their birth control with, so that they don’t have to be stuck to him for life because even they know how fucking lame he is. I can only assume that this motherfucker sabotaged her pill and ripped his condom tip to make this shit happen, knowing very well that Nicole’s numerous botched abortions from her past made getting another one impossible.

Speaking of Nicole Richie’s Vagina…DJ AM has been ignoring my emails for the last 2 years, so I sent him this one:

why you gotta ignore me…
don’t be so fucking sensitive
it breaks my heart to think i’ve hurt your feelings
or annoyed you…
i heard you hate me…
i don’t get why…
it’s totally unecessary
I feel like were’ in elementary school
and I’ve been stealing your lunch money for a month or some shit and your mom just called the school to complain..

lighten the fuck up

love

jesus

He finally responded for the first time in 2 years….

I dont hate you at all! I just think your corny and stalkerish…

So I wrote him asking him to play my stepFEST Tour, which doesn’t exist but it could…

would you play a DrunkenStepfather party for me?

And he wrote back :

no.. read your review.. Im “gay and suck and shouldn’t DJ” or something like that lol

That’s as close as I get to someone in LA who banged Nicole Richie and now I am sharing it with you. But the good news is that he’s been getting my emails all these years, he’s just been ignoring them….so it goes to show you that my constant harassing actually got through to him so my mom was right, hard work does pay off…too bad this gets me pretty much nothing…but that’s all I expect from myself….because I suck at life.

I emailed DJ AM a while ago because I heard he was playing in Montreal. He never emailed me back. I asked him for guestlist because I figured we were friends, you know with me always speaking so highly of him and shit, but I was wrong. The motherfucker never emailed me back, he never put me on the list and I was forced to go through one of my stepdaughter’s friends to get in because DJ AM is a fucking cocksucker.

I got to the event and it was filled with so many fucking chachi pieces of shit. I felt like it was a Diesel Jeans sample sale and every Italian and his cousin came out to get a deal. AM came in with 4 bodyguards because he feels like he is more important than he really is and this is a video of him and one of his boyfriends trying to fix his DJ set up. I knew when I saw them that their relationship consisted of more than just fixing DJ equipment but this was as close as I got to the asshole giving the dude with the flashlight a rim job…

I left after 10 minutes because there is only so much overpaid Bar Mitvah DJing that I can handle and I heard dude made 6,000 dollars to play for all these fucking losers, and that probably means that this fucker is overpaid and that even though this video won’t make me 6,000 dollars, at least I go to bed knowing that I didn’t get to the top by sticking my lame penis up in Nicole Richie’s 90 pound cooch, not that I wouldn’t, but I just didn’t.

I may be drunk and this may be a drunk edit, but I think if you focus on the video, you can tell that DJ AM is a popstar that is Gayer than Bicycle shorts. The way this cocksucker handles his vinyl will make any queer dream of him diddling their anus….That means you….Homo… Cuddles…

PS - DJ AM, Next Time You Should Put Me On the Guestlist. Asshole.