I was never a fan of Eva Herzigova when she was modeling in the 90s, but that’s just because I wasn’t into skinny chicks back then and if I was, I probably wouldn’t be married to a very large vat full off fucking rancid pudding that is my wife, but I am into skinny chicks now and rightfully so, I guess I just evolve with the times like high fashion but not as expensive.

When I look at Eva Herzigova, I think of a time when I was a little smarter and instead of spending my days writing a website badly, I had big plans for myself. I had spent time with hookers and heard about this Mail Order bride service from communist countries and was doing everything I could to get up in that because as you know, I know a lot of desperate dudes would would be more than happy to buy happiness and by happiness I mean a permanent whore that they can call their wife.

I got so far as to meeting a few guys from the local Russian mob who were down to support my venture and would provide the girls who would be willing to be smuggled into America, the promised land of opportunity, if I set up the infrastructure. Now the word infrastructure in and of itself was intimidating because I am a lazy dude, so I just flaked out and went back to drinking but I heard they did really well with it, and even with the fall of communism, which I was hoping would put a damper on the business I like to think I was a forefather of but didn’t see a dime for, shit’s still going strong.

An elderly Eva Herzigova is probably the reason why, they just don’t make girls like this overhear, but they do make great fast food, so I guess it’s a trade off.

Despite finding lingerie kinda lame when it comes to finding pictures to jerk off to, I am all for girls who would normally be in normal clothes wearing lingerie instead of normal clothes because it makes things more interesting to look at. I have no idea who Eva Herzigova but she somehow managed to get invited to Cannes and is wearing some kind of 1980’s style lingerie instead of a normal dress and that may not be all that hot but it’s better than nothing.

I went to a dress store with one of my stepdaughters the other day, I am not entirely sure why I agreed to it but I am glad I did because as she was going through every single dress in the place, I was standing by the changing room watching teenage girls try on their prom dresses. Now that may not seem all that exciting to you, I am easily pleased and watching bra flashes and panty flashes as their mom’s zipped them up was like porn to me…Either way, here’s Eva.

Nothing says I like getting cum inside me like pregnancy. Nothing says I am throwing up everyday and hate the fucking miracle of life that is going to steal all of my sex appeal and elasticity in my vagina when it’s over and done with and all I’ll have to show for it is some fucker to remind me about it every day as he annoys me by asking for shit, crying and being an unappreciative cunt about everything I go out of my way to do for it because giving up my sex appeal wasn’t enough now I have to give up my fucking life so let’s fuckin’ celebrate like doing a nude spread in a magazine.

I don’t find pregnant chicks as disgusting as I should. I am not into ready to drop porn but I find pregnant chicks hotter than new mothers, because all new mothers care about is their little fucker while pregnant chicks are more into the changes going on in their bodies. I guess this is the pre-problem time and I always thought it would be funny to stick my dick in a pregnant chick especially when the baby isn’t mine because it brings home the point that I am getting with a real slut….one so slutty that she lets someone who isn’t even her baby daddy up in her and can’t even wait the 9 months to make it happen cuz she’s such a slut. I guess I also like the bigger tits, darker nipples and inside out belly button….because it reminds me of having sex with some kind of circus freak and that’s always been a dream of mine….

Either way, here’s Eva Herzigova pregnancy nudes for you sick fucks.

I have this sorta-friend I met while drunk at a bar, who’s also a party-slut. I texted her to see if she wanted to get drunk and felt up. She said yes. I call her SallyYuki because she is Japanese and I can barely understand what she says, and she doesn’t mind that i can’t pronounce whatever her name is. We get picked up by three Romanians who are fairly hot and most importantly, ready and willing to shower us with top-shelf liquor.

We tell them we want to move to a club (aka grind and make-out), so we all hop into their beamer and head to some place I can’t fucking remember, but it cost $20 to get in, and they paid. While SallyYuki was occupied with Romanian #1, I was busy sandwiching with Romanians #2 and #3. At one point #2 and #3 hoisted me up onto the DJ’s stage, where I shook it and whipped off my shirt until security escorted me down. Later, while #2 was getting more drinks, I let #3 slither his fingers down my pants and into my soft slit. The next thing I know, SallyYuki taps me on my shoulder and is waving her arms in the air, screaming in Japanese, then storms off in some bizarre spaztic fit of rage. Whatever.

We dance and I divide my time between #2 and #3 till closing. I ask if they can give me a ride home. They oblige. As we’re waiting for the car, the 3 Romanians make a proposition: a foursome. Now I wouldn’t do that shit as a hooker, and I am not about to break my old hooker standards. I did a three-some once (two guys and me) under pressure from my pimp, and I didn’t like it: too much of a balancing act and the guys didn’t realize how homo-erotic it was for them, which is pretty fucking funny. I said no thanks on the foursome, but I WILL blow them all in the beamer on my way home. They were like kids on Christmas day. So about every other block, they stop the car and play musical chairs, only there are no chairs, just me deep-throating various Romanian cocks. In the end, they got a free ride, and so did I. Hurray.

Here is Eva Herzigova at the opening of Chopard’s store (yeah who the fuck knows, sounds expensive). She is Czech, which is pretty close to Romania in my geographically challenged mind. Eva is giving you a free peak up her dress and plenty of cleavage. I wonder if she had to sucks any cocks to get where she is today? I feel like it’s a right of passage in the modeling, acting, and general slut industry. Now go let on fly and pretend it’s shooting up her cooch.Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

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