So the tank Panettiere decided to get out of her regular fridge costume and pretend to be a lady for a night and the exciting thing about being a lady is that they wear dresses that paparazzi usually get their cameras up inside because they are perverts, the less exciting thing about being a lady when you are Hayden Panettiere is that your legs are too damn short to give them a decent angle to make this post worth your time.

I guess none of that matters, what does matter is the effort this bitch is putting into showing off some cleavage, I see a serious attempt to have tits and that deserves a high five, like the time Hayden took on 15 dudes in the ring and walked away undefeated.

Here’s something I didn’t think was physically possible, Hayden “the tank” Panettiere got knocked the fuck down by the paparazzi and I was a little surprised considering bitch is built like a fucking tank. Then again, I also never expected a little airplane crash to take down a the World Trade Center, a building designed to withstand that sort of impact, so I guess I’m not much of a physicist. The good news is that Hayden is fine, but the little kid she landed on died shortly after arriving to the hospital. The official release said that the girl got hit by a fucking train while playing hopscotch on the tracks, but I think they are just spinning the story because Hayden’s PR people don’t want her to look like some kind of murderer since that kind of publicity has a tendency to ruin careers.

Hayden Panettiere is built like a large piece of machinery that you shouldn’t operate while on allergy medication, which is probably pretty shitty for her boyfriend she’s on set with who is probably always on allergy medication because he is clearly Jewish and like most jews suffers from asthma, allergies and is lactose intolerant, making thier sex pretty entertaining to watch with all that wheezing, mucus and diarhea.

Here she is covering up her box of a body and by default her box because she realizes that no one wants to see that shit, except for maybe an awkward Jewish guy with Asthma, allergies and who is lactose intollerant because he appreciates her pussy since it’s the only pussy he’s got because all the girls in highschool were more into the jocks than the school newspaper editor.

The sad news for you is that Hayden and her fridge of a body is hotter than anything you’ve stuck your dick in.

Everyone posted these pictures of Hayden Panettiere in a pair of short shorts showing off her shitty thick body and I wasn’t allowed to because they belong to my good friends at Flynet who are emailing my host to shut me down for using their pictures. Just to let them know that I may not be allowed to post their shit, I can still get my point across and that point today is that Hayden’s pretty much nothing much to look at but here are some Hayden Panettiere’s Proving She’s Got a Vagina With Her Vagina Huggin’ Shorts to make up for my inability to post the new pics thanks to the big bad paparazzi machine that hates me.

I’ve made it clear that I hate Will Ferrell and everything dude’s involved in, including this Funny or Die bullshit, but I had no choice to post it because Hayden Panettiere is talking about being sexually harassed and that’s pretty much the funniest thing I’ve heard today. So I guess Will Ferrell knows funny, but considering I don’t talk to anyone, that’s not saying much, but I can only assume she assumes guys are sexually harassing her when they challenge her to a wrestling match, what she doesn’t know is that there’s a bet between the guys that they won’t win and they are trying to save face.

I guess none of that matters, here’s Hayden’s shoulders doing some stupid PSA comedy clip that isn’t funny, but proves that perverts are addicted to pussy and don’t necessarily give a fuck what that pussy is attached to, like a crack addict searching through the sewer for a rock he thinks he saw some cheap whore drop earlier that day. Crazy crackheads. It’s also Hayden Panettiere’s passive aggressive way of telling us not to objectivfy her or she’ll crush us like she crushed the bench press before shooting this.

I always love when girls wear vagina hugging pants because it gives me enough information to visualize what they look like naked. I know that the chances of them ever showing me their goods are pretty fuckin’ slim, especially since they are young and hot and sitting across from me at the coffee shop, often times telling their boyfriends how some creepy old guy keeps lookin’ at them and it’s making them uncomfortable.

Since Hayden pretty much has as much has the same body type and sex appeal as the dresser I pulled out of the trash last year to help store my wife’s disgusting clothes that I was tired of seeing in piles throughout our room, since I am quite the homemaker, the only reason I’d want to see anything hugging her crotch is to see if she’s got a bigger dick than me, which she does. That’s pretty much the reason I’ve never done any gang bangs in my life, I just know I’d always fall short and wouldn’t be able to live with myself being that inadequate….I’d volunteer to box Panettiere to prove that despite having a smaller dick I am still all man, but I know she’d win. So it’s pretty much a losing day for a loser today.

I was pretty surprised to see Hayden Panettiere signing autographs because if I saw her in person, I’d be more inclined to challenge her to a wrestling match, and not the kind that I used to challenge girls to as foreplay that lead to me getting a boner and them ending up giving me a blow job, I am talking the kind of wrestling match this strong-man is training for that leads me in a coma because she’s quicker and stronger than a old washed up drunken cigar smoking pervert. If she turned me down, I’d just kick bitch in the knee to see how she reacts because I know that under that dress is a testosterone charged dude who really likes washing her face, at least that what she says in her commercial that is always on at my neighbors’ house….I know Hayden wouldn’t lie to me, not even for a big Neutrogena paycheck, she’s too busy doing push-ups for that.

Here are some pictures of Hayden Panettiere at some Randy Jackson Event showing off her strong man tits. I am all for girls with small tits, just not a huge fan of those small tits lookin like the bouncer who kicked me out of the bar this past weekend because she spends too much time lifting heavy objects, like to fridge and small cars…..

I feel like fucking Hayden would be like fucking my wife. Sure, my wife is the complete opposite of Panettiere, being fat and scary instead of being muscular and scary, but the outcome is the same. Every time you crawl in bed with either of them you feeling like you’re either getting into the ring with someone way bigger than you who is going to kick your fuckin’ ass until you cum, or even like you’re rockin’ a red jump suit and you’re up against a bull who is staring you down with it’s big fuckin’ head and it’s not going to let you off too easily.

That said, she’s hanging with Miley Cyrus and that reminds me of some kind of summer camp reunion and that probably turns you on, you’re just a little pissed off that Hayden is 18 now and that’s because you’re a creep.

I am always fucking hung over fridays and have nothing to say because I have no idea what the fuck I did last night, but whatever it was, I left my brain wherever I ended up which was probably the gutter. I do know that I am seeing double and there’s nothing wrong with seeing double when you’re watching your useless wife try to get your limp dick up because it makes you feel like you’re having the threesome she never agree to have, but there is a problem with it when you’re lookin’ at Hadyen Panettiere because one of her is too much, and that’s only half the size of normal person.

Either way, here she is trying on shoes for Stuart Weitzman. I don’t know shoes but I guess Stuart Weitzman has a line of clown shoes or circus performing fireman boots that Hayden is the spokesperson for, and if he doesn’t he should.

I learned that midgets have tits at a young age when the only girl who would get with me was the midget in my class because no one else wanted her. That was also the time I learned that all the dudes running after the hot chick were idiots because she was sitting there taking numbers and making different dudes run through hoops while leaving a whole bunch of other dudes with no chance but who jerked off to the thought of the day the heating system broke and her nipples were hard and she was unable to cover them up because she left her sweater at home everyday, waiting…..were idiots, and that there was perfectly hot pussy that was ready and willing as long as you were willing to accept the fact that the pussy wasn’t actually hot but it pretty much felt the same and all it took was closing your eyes to imagine something better and ignore the embarrassment of being seen with them in public, because even ugly girls like to be treated like queens.

That said, I don’t think Hayden and her 5 foot nothing frame’s got much going for her, other than the ability to do more chin-ups than the average athlete and there’s nothing wrong with a strong boxy chick, especially if your the kind of pussy who likes his woman doing the man chores around the house like opening the jars and carrying the groceries in because you’re lazy and like a girl who can fend for herself.

Here are some pictures of that troll Hayden Panettiere in a see-through shirt. At first I thought she was rockin’ a training bra but then I realized that her arms and shoulders are so big she’s actually stacked, and ready to wrestle. It’s like that time I was getting with a girl and she pulled out a 5 inch long dildo to use on herself and shit put my dick to shame, I just couldn’t compete so I went to the kitchen and emotionally ate all her food while she finished herself off. That may not be saying much about me, but it’s saying something similar to why skinny girls like fucking fat guys because it makes them feel skinny or why average girls hang with fat ugly chicks because it makes them seem hot, I am sure there are better examples of this but I’m too lazy to think. Fuck you.

Either way, this is barely a see through, so if you’re lovin’ it not only are you weird because it’s Hayden Panettiere and she’s not hot even for a live-action cartoon character, but also because that kind of delusion is what leads rapists to rape, you know the whole “she was wearing a short skirt and was asking for it, no means yes” rational. Someone should report you, unfortunately, I’m not that guy. I’m too lazy to worry about your problems.

So I’ve been celebrating a holiday I am not allowed to celebrate because I am not American, and drinking is my kind of protest, but I also like making excuses about why I am drinking at 6 am on someone’s couch with a dude who has webbed toes, like he was some kind of Hayden Panettiere circus performing freak, except that he’s more attractive than she is, because he can hide his creepy disorders in a pair of fuckin’ socks, while she’s wearing that shit on her sleeve everytime she leaves the house and starts juggling.

This is the video of her photoshoot for GQ that was probably the hottest she’s ever looked.