So someone sent in this video of Jessica Alba doing some kind of staring contest for some website that makes more money than me because I don’t think I’d every be able to afford Alba on webcam for the site, at least not for another 10 years when she slowly burns through her money and can’t land work because no one gives a fuck about her weathered mom body.

I guess that’s the double edged sword that comes with only having a career based on your looks and the fact that every dude wants to fuck you. Sure it’s great while you’re livin’ it and cashing in on something you had absolutely no control over since you were just fortunate enough to be born lookin’ a certain way, but the second you realize your worth is only in your looks and that beauty is fleeting and that you were just an “it” girl for a period of time and not a lifer, and you cut your window in half because you had to go out there and get knocked up, you’ll probably be willing to take any work you can get for reasonable discount prices.

Either way, she does this online staring contest, it’s at least a couple weeks old, but I am posting it just to let people know that the concept isn’t original. Some asian girl’s been staring at the camera on YouTube for a while now and each of her videos get about 2,000,000 views and this is just another example of the little guy getting ripped the fuck off and getting no compensation or recognition for it by the big evil corporate monster.

This is the Girl Alba is Ripping Off:

Whenever I see Jessica Alba pregnant, all I can think of is the bear trap that is her vagina because I remember reading about how she got pregnant to trap Cash Warren into staying with her, because despite how many dudes want to get with her, she’s still a girl and being a girl makes her not realize that she’s got a ton of guys who want to get with her because all her attention is focused on the one guy who doesn’t want to be with her after already banging her. Either way,, she’s pregnant in a bikini and I know I could probably write something vulgar or maybe even funny, but why bother, I’ve pretty much given up on life, kinda like Jessica Alba will when she realizes that guys everywhere will only want to get with her now because of her fat wallet and not because of her fat, stretchmarked, gaping vagina.

So Jessica Alba doesn’t like the paparazzi taking pictures of her and gets so aggressive that she’s throws up the finger like it ain’t a thing, making me think that she is going to be an abusive mother with no patience. It would probably make sense for Alba to relocate during the pregnancy to a small town somewhere that paparazzi don’t hang out. I feel like hitting up the local Baja Fresh in Beverly Hills is probably putting yourself out there at a level you shouldn’t get mad at the paparazzi for, making her look like a total piece of shit cunt.

I guess it’s nice to see that her mother has stepped in to take care of her while Cash Warren is out doin’ his thing because he is still bitter than she didn’t get the abortion he demanded because he knew she got pregnant by using a sperm sample she spat into a tupperwear and kept in the freezer in case he ever left her. What isn’t very nice about her mother stepping up to the plate is that she’s fuckin’ disgusting looking and seems like the only plate she’s been stepping up to is one full of fuckin’ bacon.

The whole look at the mother when landing the chick obviously wasn’t taken seriously when Cash Warren hooked up with Alba in her peak without realizing it was going to be a life sentence, because if this is a glimpse into the future it’s not so fuckin’ bright. To be fair to Alba’s mom, maybe she’s packin’ on some pregnancy weight since her daughter’s overeating is a good excuse to indulge her eating fantasies like the time I gained 25 lbs when one of my girlfriend’s got knocked up but the difference was that my chick got an abortion and I was just making excuses to eat late night pizza.

Either way, here’s Alba and her mom.

I am back and so is Jessica Alba at least that’s what people are saying about these see-through pictures of her. I don’t have the same horny, virgin vision as you, because when I look at this shit I don’t see any fuckin’ nipple, but then again I’ve spent the last 4 years staring at a computer so my eyes work about as well as my non-existant libido.

Despite bitch being knocked up, I know you’d still do her cuz you’re all about the banging a woman who is carrying because the circle of life is such a beautiful thing but not as beautiful as not being able to knock her up since someone’s already been there. It’s one of those get in, get the job done, get out and don’t hear back from the girl again, not that that would happen for you with psycho Alba who used her uterus to trap her boyfriend which is the reason why escort agencies should offer full service from pregnant whores so you can live out your fantasy.

I was at a house party on the weekend with a friend of mine and we were outside on the patio when this loser came up to us. He didn’t say anything at first. He just stood there listening to our conversation, staring blankly. After about 3 minutes of this, there was a break in our conversation and a moment of silence. I guess jackass thought he would use this as his “in” to start talking to us and of all things he could say, blurted out “So, you have 2 beers, huh?” pointing at the beer I had in each hand.

I looked at my friend, and my friend looked at me, and he just stood there very please with himself, with a look on his face that suggested he actually thought this introduction to our conversation was going to get him some pussy. Now generally I try not to be a bitch when it comes to guys coming up to me, but in this case, I couldnt help myself and i laughed in his face. I know not all of you are Don Juan, and I will pretty much sleep with anyone who is a 6/10 or above, but even I like there to be a little effort in the initial pick up sometimes. Why not just say “So, I see your wearing shoes.” or “Hey, you have hair, I like that in a women.” You get the point. I honestly would have been more receptive to “Nice shirt, wanna fuck?”

One more example of why guys like you will be virgins until you die, or until you finally breakdown and pay a whore with the money you have been saving in your piggy bank, which ever comes first.

Here’s some pics from the Teen Choice awards. Virgin or not, none of these girls will ever sleep with you, ever. And yeah, some of these chicks are borderline Jail Bait, but you are a Perv and are into that type of thing.

Aimee Teegarden

Audrina Partridge

Jessica Alba

Megan Fox

Sophia Bush

Vanessa Hudgens

Julien and I got into an argument last night because he was supposed to email me a post yesterday and didn’t. If you have ever heard a gay dude and an 18 year old girl fight, its gets pretty catty. There was lots of open-palm-loose-wrist-slapping and name calling. When I told him that there are plenty of other homos out there who would gladly be our Token Gay Blogger, he was all waving his finger in front of my face, doing that thing with his neck that gay dudes do when they are mad. Then a Cher song came on the radio, which calmed him down immediately, because like all homos, he’s got a soft spot for old hag. He sent me this today explaining where he was.

I was MIA yesterday because I too fucking wasted, okay? I went out on Sunday night and had a few drinks and a few bumps which brought me to this afterparty where I did some GHB and spent the night desperately trying to get laid. I spent most of the night talking to this guy who really wasn’t that attractive but he had an Irish accent so I kept on going. Even ugly guys are hot when they have an accent. I know that this is a HUGE cliche but it’s fucking true. Even if you are wearing socks and sandals, if you’ve got an accent (a HOT accent btw), you are going to get laid. This makes me wonder if the reverse is true. I mean if I get my skinny ass to Ireland are all the hot guys going to flirt with me because they find my North American accent “charming” If this is true, I’m going on Expedia ASAP and getting my ass to Ireland charm the briefs of the locals

So anyway I spent the night talking to this semi-ugly guy and when he
left with a girl at around 5am I stayed at the party and got more fucked up. I got back to my place at around 11am and slept. I spent the day wearing pretty much what Jessica Alba is wearing in these photos. She probably got fucked up the night before too. Which leads me to a double standard. When Jessica Alba is hungover and puts on her nastys to go grocery shopping, she shows a little nipple poke and she’s sexy. When I do it, I look like a piece of faggot gutter trash.

SMOOCH!

Julien

One of our readers was complaining that we didn’t post pics of Jessica Alba when the news broke that dumped that loser Cash Warren. Mostly I didn’t post them because I leave the shit like that for actual news sites and I didn’t think any of you would give a fuck to be honest. If she had done it naked, for example, or while flashing her pooter to the camera, then I would have been all over that shit. I thought about it though and I guess despite the fact that will never, ever get to fuck her, ever, your odds to increase somewhat since she is now single. And I guess when you’re a loser virgin like yourself you will take hope wherever you can get it.

These pics were taken at Comic-Con in San Diego, which I think is hilarious because I’ve been to these conventions and seen the guys who go there, and when thinking of all of them bustin’ a nut to Alba at some press conference for Fantastic Four, it’s funny and creepy all at the same time.

I was really into comics when I was young, because I was a tomboy and wanted to do whatever the boys did. Plus I was always into drawing and writing stories and it interested me, even though all my friends were rich and we were poor and I couldn’t get the good comics like the rest of them. After going to a few conventions and seeing fags dressed up super hero costumes and grown men taking what is essentially a story book with words a 6 year old can read and some colourful pictures so seriously, I started to re-evaluate my interest in comics. Somewhere along the line I realized that people who get way to obsessed with comics are actually pretty freaky and need to get fucking lives. I think I traded my crappy collection to some loser kid for a pack of cigarettes he stole from his mom, and that was that. I stand by my decision.

Here’s some more pics of Alba. If you decide to jerk off to them, make sure you use a tissue and not your limited edition, specialty copy of Superman instead.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

So this is that meth-head Jodie Sweetin who was Stephanie Tanner on Full House when she was a kid. She always took the backseat to the Olsens and from the way I see it, she was just an accessory to making them billionaires, while leaving her in the corner hating herself so much, unable to get work and turning to smoking meth. Think about it, you’re on the same show as these cunts and they don’t even have a fucking talking role because they are still in diapers, but for some reason they still build a fucking empire out of it, while you just fizzle off into nowhere, living in your parents shitty house they bought with your money, your big tits and all, you’d be hurting too…

Reality is that her tits are so fucking stacked that there is no way she was ever really addicted to meth. The way she can barely fit into her jeans makes me think it was some E! True Hollywood lie to get her back into the public eye, land her some interviews on TV and in Magazines and give her the opportunity to show the world she’s still around and by still around I mean her massive tits. This Bitch is all big and bubbly and trying to make a comeback. all the meth addicts I’ve known have had ratty fucking skin, emaciated meth bodies, no tits, yellow meth eyes and have been shaky, speedy, itchy anxiety ridden. I don’t think there is anyway that this bitch was on meth, I think it’s a way to launch a K-Mart product line and series of children’s books.

Either way, she is at the opening of Retard Harry Morton’s restaurant/club called Pink Taco. He’s Lohan’s ex boyfriend, son of the owner of Hard Rock Cafe, Grandson of Morton’s Steakhouse and I am assuming that dude wasn’t inspired by Lohan when he came up with this fucking stupid name, because if he had the place would be called “The Big Spotted and Scabby Red Cunt That Smells Like Shit From Rotten Cum From Other Dudes She had Raw Dog Sex With and Let Drop Load in Her and a Tampon She Forgot in there a Month Ago when She Was Drunk”, I don’t think that would have been so good for business, but he’s a rich kid, he doesn’t need the business to make money, it’s just his dad’s way of giving him something to keep his son busy with…

That Lohan Vagina joke was probably pretty obvious, but I am hungover again and just trying to get through the day….

Other People in Attendance of His Big Opening:

Jessica Alba With Her Extreme Face Close-Up

Some Chick Named Nikki Griffin I want to See Naked

Kristen Cavallari With Her Weird Tattoo

Summer Altice and her Muscles

Kimberly Stewart And her Stupid Outfit

Mary Carey and her Busted Face

Amy Smart

I came across pictures of Alba going to some photoshoot last week, or this weekend, or sometime recently, but I seemed to overlook the pictures of her getting water poured on her and showing of her amazing ass in a bikini bottom.

I had an Alba moment this weekend when I went to meet a friend near the boats because I like looking at boats. It turned out that he know someone who lived around the corner who was out of town and that person had a fully stocked bar and TV. So we broke into the house, cracked open some beer, layed on his couch and watched TV for about 4 hours before the cops were called and we had to jump out the fire escape. Either way, that Alba bikini movie with the cocaine and the divers was on, and I chose her over Terminator….True story.

Since I had a Jessica Alba moment this weekend, I’d figure I’d do a post on these, I am creepy like that, but I don’t have her posters on my walls, because I generally hate celebrities and I am not a virgin who finds hope, happiness and love on my TV, in movies and in magazines…I am more into drinking, whores and bitches who can actually give me rim jobs than obsessing over over-paid whores….That’s just my opinion.

I was just watching the news and some psychology slut started the fear mongering about how we should assume that more Cho’s are amongst us and that we should live our lives watching our neighbors to prevent this kind of thing from happening again. Why don’t they just tell everyone to hide in the fucking houses for the rest of their lives with a shotgun in hand waiting for the day an attacker comes for them.

Reality is one psycho doesn’t justify 300,000,000 people to go into lockdown. Maybe if the police shut down the campus after the first shooting, maybe if gun laws weren’t from the 1700s and outdated as shit a crazed Korean motherfucker wouldn’t have had time to make a bunch of videos, write a fucking essay and do a photoshoot then mail it off to NBC before going on his rampage….

Reality is that the system you pay for is what allowed for this to happen and I think you should re-focus your energy on happy things like - Jessica Alba’s ass then sitting their being scared to leave your house. Again, my heart goes out to the victims. This post is going to get me more hate mail but I will say this, Respect, because I am hip hop.

Here are some pics of Alba making out with her dog, so I guess it’s pretty clear that Jessica Alba loves her dog more than she loves you. That’s not saying much, since she doesn’t know you and never will but that doesn’t change the fact that there’s not much more exciting than seeing a girl with her dog, mainly because you know that the dog has seen her in every compromising position possible. I am talking taking a shit, getting fucked, changing her tampons, pretty much everything you’d want to see this bitch do. The other hot thing is that this dog, if he is a smart dog has also eaten a pair of her dirty panties, made her clean up its shit and more importantly sniffed her crotch and maybe even raided the bathroom garbage for used maxi pads, not that Alba uses pads, but it’s a hot fantasy if you are me.

I like a girls relationship with her dog. They hug them, they kiss them, and if they are more experimental, they let them lick their peanut butter covered boxes. I got a girl on webcam last week who had a dog. She wanted to show me how big her dogs dick was, so she basically jerked him off for me. It was pretty fucking disgusting and funny at the same time, but when I saw the fucker cum all over the computer, I kinda lost my appetite.

I just heard about the Virginia Tech shooting where 22 people were killed. I just want to say that despite how much I say I hate you fuckers, I seriously hope this didn’t directly affect any of you. My heart goes out to all the families and people involved. I hate this school shooting bullshit. I don’t understand why people are still able to get guns, why schools haven’t figured out safety measures to prevent this, why people like this aren’t locked up, why Bush is spending all of America’s money being a cowboy in the middle east, what until his administration blames terrorism to distract all you idiots from all the problems you have at home. You should be able to go to work, school, the movies, out to dinner, shopping, without having to dodge bullets….

Society is really fucked up and I’m going to keep spreading my word as well as posting pics of Alba leaving the gym all sweaty and showing the band of her underwear that she shouldn’t be wearing if she wants to impress me, because somethings in this life aren’t so bad.