The only thing hot about a bitch with a thick neck, is that if you accidentally knock her up when dating her and you push her down the stairs in efforts to get rid of the baby, cuz you aren’t ready for that shit, the chances of her breaking her neck and ending up wheel-chair bound, forcing you to spend the rest of your life changing her fuckin’ diapers and pushing her the fuck around, because you’re a good guy and feel that it is the right thing to do, are a lot more slim to fuckin’ none. Now the only problem with that being the only thing hot about her is the rest of the time when you aren’t trying to push her down stairs and you’re forced to look at the shit all the fuckin time and have flashbacks of your childhood football coach who used to play find the fuckin’ 10 yard line in his anus.

The good thing about your wife gaining a little bit of weight is the bigger, fuller, nicer tits. The bad thing about your wife gaining weight is that there is usuall yno signs of it stopping and soon, the ass, the legs, the stomach, the face, the neck, the arms, the calves, the feet start to follow, and next thing you know, family vacation is spent at an all you can eat buffet down the fuckin’ street four days in a fucking row because bitch sees the shit as a challenge and not as a fuckin’ selection of low quality food average people don’t eat because it makes them fuckin’ sick.

So Jessica Simpson’s tits look crazy, but when the rest of her follows, these big titties will look like A-Cups in coparison to her gut. So take it in when you can.

Jessica Simpson looked pretty fucking dumpy in a pair of short shorts while performing. I know she’s an idiot, but you’d think she be able to wrap her little head around the concept of pants. This isn’t Dukes of Hazards anymore, you’re old and just because you aren’t a mom doesnt mean you don’t look like you’ve had a few kids. Embrace your post-pregnancy lookin’ body, settle down, and put on some fucking pants. You pig.

Jessica Simpson and I have a very one-sided relationship. She posts shit on twitter. I write back. She doesn’t answer. Which is really nothing I’m not used to. I figured a huge percentage of the girls I have come across in my life have ignored me but that never stopped me from following them home, climbing up their fire escape and jerking off to them sleeping.

Here she is showing off some tit in concert, because when tits are all you have going for you, you better rock a low-cut shirt every chance you get, because tits are like some optical illusion that make us think you’ve got a purpose, at least one deeper rooted than being your father’s personal little fuckslut he made with his own cum and brought-up his own fuckin’ way, training her from a young age all the little tricks he likes. You know how it is.

Now – Let’s send this link to Jessica Simpson over twitter, and see if she blocks me.

Some paparazzi perved out proper the other day when they were snapping off pictures of Jessica Simpson. Sure, it wasn’t as perverted as the night I was at a hipster party and kept lifting up some girl’s skirt asking to see her hipster bush, even though her gay Asian boyfriend was there and wasn’t having it, or even as perverted as intentionally going to the mall to sit on the bench next to the stairs waiting to see unsuspecting upskirts with my camera in hand, but this shit is Jessica Simpson and not the 15 year old slutty girl buying Spring Break bikinis with their slutty 15 year old friends and I guess I can’t really figure out if that is a good thing or not, but I do know it’s a more legal thing and she is lookin’ a lot better than her fat pics that hit a few months ago, mainly because there aren’t any all you can eat Texas BBQ ribs shit stains on her panties…

I used to hate fat chicks because I married one and she turns me off, and despite Jessica Simpson being obese in the entertainment world, she’s really not that bad. She’s got the body a black man would eat the fuck up, but since Bitch is into Country music, that will never happen for my brothers out there, because once you get 10 feet away from the bitch, you get a burlap sack thrown over your mother fuckin’ head and hog tied like it was the county fair, before being hooked up to the back of a pick-up and driven around the block. True story.

I like fat chicks because they are easy, you know because of all that competing with the good looking girl, that makes them willing to go above and beyond while never commanding respect, a relationship or pretty much anything but for you to pull out because her mom won’t let her get on the pill.

I don’t think Jessica Simpson is one of those kinds of fat chicks, since she’s busty and not offensively fat, but she is a budding country music star playing a barn near year and I’ve seen Brokeback Mountain, I know how that Cowboy shit works out, you know leaving you dead in NYC after a prescription drug overdose…

Here she is in concert….

Jessica Simpson’s pulling a couple fat tricks here. The first one is to wear black because you blend into the night sky behind you so we don’t know where you start or end but more importantly to use her fat chick tits as a distraction from the fat rest of her, not that I care, I’m fatter than this bitch, my wife is 4 times fatter than this bitch and she’s getting on in years, dropped out of pop music and just wants to live the simple life with her Cowboy and BBQ ribs or any pork product and cheesecake and chocolate and fries and burgers and pie, lots of pie, so we should just leave her the fuck alone about this shit, she served her purpose as the young star we wanted to fuck, now it’s time to let her gracefully graze her way into menopause and while she does while all you big titty fat chick loving mother fuckers who are the reason fat chicks exist and have confidence to leave their house masturbate to the idea of her making her way over to the dark side….and by dark side I mean black cock, they live for fat blondies just as long as she’s white. True story.

The funny thing about Jessica Simpson’s weight gain is that shit happened overnight, I mean sure we all saw her struggle with it her entire career, with titties like that, it was just a matter of time before the rest of her followed, but she went from tight to sloppy over the fucking holidays or some shit and that’s some serious binge eating. Sure it’s probably gotta do with her getting older and her metabolism getting slower and maybe with realizing that the Country world is more accepting of you when you look like farm animals or Winonna Judd, but I think it has to do with emotional eating that stems from feeling inadequate, but that’s just because that’s how I like all my girls.

I don’t know why anyone gives a fuck about whether she’s fat or not, or why she’s trying to dress like a fat chick trying to hide the fat chick in her by using fashionable tricks, to make her look skinny, something that always makes me laugh when my wife tries to pull it off, like when she comes to me and says “does this vertical stripped black shirt make me look thin” and I have to tell her than no optical illusion, drug, would make her look skinny, not even fucking blindness would make her look skinny, because his heightened sense of sound would force him to listen to both you choking on your fucking chin, but more importantly getting fatter by the fucking minute.

Here are her concert pics.

So to all you haters out there who said that Jessica Simpson’s country career was a fucking joke and that she’d never make it in the country world, even with her weight gain in efforts to look more like a fucking cow the cowboy wants to fuck, you’re wrong, because here she is at the Country Music Award Nominations, sure she wasn’t nominated for shit, but just being asked to introduce the people who were is enough of a fucking honor, so she’s here to stay.

I had these pictures lined up yesterday, but then the Grammy’s post gave me a mild heart attack that is apparently not a heart attack at all, but probably just too much caffeine making me feel like the biggest fucking pussy around, I mean other than Jessica Simpson, I hear she’s working on eating too much of everything to actually be the biggest fucking pussy around, before choking on her own neck fat before dying of a heart attack.

I am talking a pussy so big you’d take your kids on a day trip to see and maybe even drive through like one of those West Coast Redwoods. A pussy so big it’s got it’s own digestive system, that allows Jessica Simpson to eat double the ridiculously large amount of food she already consumes….

I am sure these pictures have already been plastered everywhere, but I’m not the kind of guy who does work uploading pictures to not post them, so enjoy them a second time around, since she’s not too fat to jerk off to.

I don’t know what’s going onto Jessica Simpson’s face, but if this is what she looks like with no make-up on, they’ve done a good fucking job filling up her birth defects with movie make-up every time she leaves her fucking house all these years. At first I thought maybe I was lookin’ at it from a bad angle, or maybe it was just a bad picture, but in every single one of these, except the one from behind, Jessica Simpson looks like a monster. The kind of monster who eats all the food at every all you can eat buffet in the city. Stupid post? I agree. Blame my hangover and not me.

It’s nice to see that America really focuses on what’s important, you know Jessica Simpson’s weight gain. I could think of 1000 more relevant issues to talk to the President about, but leave it up to your fucked up priorities to get down to business about why the bitch has gained 20 pounds, despite everyone knowing that it is because of laziness, relationship and a bad diet.

On a side note, I was emailed this story where Kim Kardashian takes on Jessica Simpson. No they Aren’t Fighting Over Who Gets the last piece of cake, if anything another fat celebrity she has come to defend Jessica Simpson’s Fat Ass.

I felt the need to share….

Kardashian is really getting furious and “offended” over the media’s coverage of Jessica Simpson’s photos.
 
She  took time out from Super Bowl festivities to post on her blog:
 
“I was doing Super Bowl interviews for my Leather & Laces party I’m hosting down here in Tampa, Florida, and EVERYONE seems to be asking me about Jessica Simpson’s alleged weight gain.
 
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous!!! She is not fat at all and I am actually offended that people are giving her such a hard time over this!
 
LEAVE HER ALONE!!! First of all, her outfit was FABULOUS! I loved that Fendi leopard belt with those high waisted jeans.
She is so drop dead gorgeous and the fact that the media is sending this message out to young girls is mind blowing!
?I am probably twice Jessica’s size, so what do you guys think of me then???”

So it’s official, Kim Kardashian doesn’t read this site, because if she did, she’d know that I think she’s fat.

The good news is that they both came out for the superbowl, not because their boyfriends are star football players, but because they thought superbowl meant some kind of new invention that was way bigger than any other bowl they’ve ever seen. You know, one they can pile all kinds of food inside and emotionally eat that is reminiscent of the trough these pigs should be eating out of.

Here’s Jessica in concert.

Jessica Simpson realized that having a big mouth no only helps in her singing, but also has had a huge affect on how much food she can shovel into her goddamn mouth. I don’t care that she got fat, she’s pretty much been off my radar the last few months and it was totally expected, but I figured I’d post these concert pictures that came out since the last fat scandal, and it may be safe to say that although she may be thicker, she’s not as fat as I’d like her to be, you know fat enough to know there’s some serious emotional problem that I can ridicule, instead, she’s just a little thicker, like any girl is when she gets a boyfriend…all she needs is to get dumped and she’ll be back on track, but I have a feeling Romo is making her this way because he wants he all for himself and doesn’t want all these men after her all while making her look and feel like one of the defensive linemen he’s got a crush on when she fucks him up the ass with various household objects. It’s a win/win situation in his closet case life.

BONUS – Here’s Rene Russo’s Opinion on Jessica Simpson and her weight gain…

Bonus – Here’s that NY POST Comic on Jessica Simpson and Her Food Addiction….

Jessica Simpson is fat and everybody cares for some reason. You can’t argue that she’s not fat no matter how hard your little activist fingers type. All I know is that I wish I got that kind of attention when I started on this path to heart disease, high blood pressure and premature death. I am pretty jealous of the love all these really famous people like her sister and obese Kim Kardashian coming out to root for her. Jessica Simpson hasn’t got this much attention since she cleared out the desert tray at the all you can eat buffet, oh no, that was my wife, but you get the idea, I’m sure Jessica Simpson got her fair share of fat habits, like talking about what she’s going to eat the next day while lying in bed at night, or eating rolls of cookie dough while crying about how her younger sister had a kid before she did and her younger sister’s a fucking lesbian married to a woman or whatever else us fat people do. I just don’t get why no one’s announced that she’s pregnant yet. You know a little hole in the condom, missed birth control pill pregnancy planning to get what she feels she deserves, a baby of her own. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the shotgun wedding for that one, because that is God’s way and good ol’ Christian girls take God’s way pretty fuckin serious.

Here are some pics of her reveling in the excitement of the new found publicity.