Katherine Mcphee may not have much of a career since losing American Idol…or did she win American Idol? Truth is if you’re on American Idol, even if you win, you still lose to the rest of the world, because reality TV sucks and is the single most obnoxious way to get famous and is the real downfall of this generation, I remember a time when the only commoners who could get on TV were on the local news as a street comment, or on the National News if you did something really bad, or the audience of talk shows or contestants on Game Shows and no one remembered you the second the show was over, but now, everyone is fuckin’ famous, everyone is on YouTube, everyone is just like the stars and people recognize them and pay them to do stupid things, when they should have been at home doing the fuckin’ dishes watching sitcoms and getting ready for bed because they have an early day at the factory tomorrow or some shit….

But Katherine Mcphee does have some pretty amazing tits.

Note: I don’t know if that reads the way I want it to, so if you’re confused, it’s ok, my pee is brown and need water.

All the trains were broken today (like your penis) and the buses were crowded as fuck. I shoved a nun to make room, reason #956 why I am going to Hell, but hell is probably full of some real fun assholes so I don’t care. What was really not fun was my night. I wore the world’s best short, boob dress with some pink bra exposed (tribute to Britney) which matched my hooker hot-pink heels. I showed up at my friend’s party and it was all skinny 22 year-old accountants with acne. I got wasted because there was nothing else left to do.

I tried to salvage the night by going to some bar this bartender i met in Chicago last November said he would be working at in January when he moved to the city, and told me i should pay him a visit. This bartender was fucking ripped and I wish I had remembered sooner because now it’s July, and surprise, he doesn’t work there anymore. To make things worse, everyone in the place fell out of Anne Taylor and J Crew catalogues and were all paired off like good little spoonfed WASPs. So I just sat there in my party slut gear, nursing a gin and tonic. The only guys that weren’t saddled with brides-in-waiting were really into the game, and I know nothing about sports, and sauntering up to them in my whore getup was just too much of a hooker flashback for me. Plus they were wearing chinos and loafers and I hate assholes in loafers. I finished my drink and went home, and got cat-called at by around 6 mexicans so I know I definitely looked like a hooker. I should have just gone to some bar in the East Village where I would have fit in better and gotten laid.

Here is Katharine McPhee flashing you her underwear on the set of some movie that is probably gonna be as good as that American Idol movie “From Justin to Kelly.” She is annoying and WASPy like all those cunts last night.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE

Julien, our Token Gay Blogger, and I had a lengthly conversation over IM chat today about our best methods to keep pounds off, because, seriously we all know nobody likes a fat chick, right? (Or in his case, a fat guy I suppose). He wrote this lovely email] summarizing our conversation. When I asked him if he thought people may get offended, he said he didn’t give a shit, because people with eating disorders are funny, and he’s going to hell anyways.

When I was a little kid I was pretty scrawny but as soon as I hit high school I got really fucking fat. I was totally sublimating my crushes on my male classmates with food, which is a classic gay move. Once I moved to the big city and realized that no self-respecting gay guy is going to fuck a 200 pound, fat 19 year old, I went on the Mary-Kate Olsen diet of Diet Red Bulls and Vodka and Marlboro Lights.

Even though I am wicked skinny now, you can still see in my face that there is a trapped fat kid inside my body just dying to get out. But I’m going to keep him away until I find a rich husband and don’t care what I look like anymore.

Now I know Katherine McPhee had a major eating disorder or some shit but girl’s gotta stick with it. When I see her I can still see a little fat Katherine inside, desperately yearning to binge on KrispeyKremes and Double Whoppers. But if I can keep it off, you can keep it off!!

(snaps fingers)

Julien’s Helpful Hint: Deepthroating can sometimes make you vomit. So go binge all you want and then suck some serious cock. But please run to the bathroom before you purge Guys do NOT appreciate it when you hurl all over their junk (I know from experience, Sorry again Jason!)

Smooch!

Julien