So I came across these pictures and this was the caption attached:

Tom Cruise and wife Katie Holmes take daughter Suri to the beach in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. After leaving their posh hotel in a four-car convoy amid heavy security they entered a Brazilian military base and hit a beach within the residential area of the compound. There they played in the sand

A military base that was so secure the paparazzi could get in and get these intimate shots, I call staged bullshit on this motherfucker. Everyone knows that when Tom Cruise goes to Rio, Katie Holmes is not invited because that’s “Daddy gets fucked up the ass by tranny time”.

I was at a friend’s house watching Punk’d as I like to do on my weekends because Ashton Kutcher is so dreamy in his coked-up rampage that reminds me of everything I hate at college frat parties and Katie Holmes was the victim. I don’t remember what happened because shit was on in the background but I do know that she was a lot hotter back then. She was someone a lot of guys wanted to fuck in those days and even though I never watched Dawson’s Creek because I have a penis, I did see that movie where she was raped and killed and naked and I felt like the dude responsible deserved a high five, because all the girls I’ve raped have been ugly.

Either way, she really had something goin’ on that has been stolen from her by Tom Cruise and his cult and when I see her hard nipples all I see is an impressionable girl who could have been molded into anything but Scientology got to her before drug addiction and a life in porn did and that makes me sad. She’s like a fallin’ soldier who had so much potential to make me cum, but took the wrong wholesome turn.

Here are her nipples.

People are saying that Katie Holmes is pregnant. I am saying that shit is impossible because Tom Cruise is gay. I know people who know people who know people who have told me on 2 different occasions from 2 different sources that he used to fly into Montreal on a private jet to fuck young french dudes. I know that the story could be a lie, but if you want to fuck young French dudes this is the place that everyday feels like I’ve accidentally walked into the gay pride parade. I guess he could always use artificial insemination after they suck the cum out of Travolta’s ass….I guess poopy sperm still packs a punch….

Speaking of punch, the last time I asked a girl when her baby was due, I got punched by her boyfriend. She was eating a box of donuts and was pushing 250 lbs. How was I to know she was just a fat fucking pig.

My theory is that she’s just on her period.

I hate posting tagged images, but since I can’t find these anywhere and have no budget to buy the rights to use pictures and even if I did have the budget to buy the rights to use pictures I doubt I would pay because I think paparazzi are scummy pieces of shit who exploit people and I don’t support scummy pieces of shit who exploit people financially.

Either way, this is Katie Holmes on the beach somewhere with her daughter that she had with Tom Cruise. The whole scientology thing and his whole insanity thing doesn’t really bother me as much as the gay rumors. Living in Montreal, I’ve met many gay dudes over the years whether it be one of my friend’s wive’s hairdresser or just some random washed up fags in the places I drink who all have the same story about this fucker in the 90s. It goes a little something like this. Tom Cruise would fly into the city on a private jet, discreetly make his way to the gay village in the city and have sex with little french boys for days at a time. I have no real proof to back this shit up, because I wasn’t one of those little french gay boys and I don’t know anyone who directly stuffed this fucker like a turkey, but I do know that the story is always told the same by everyone who ever brings it up.

That said, here’s the vagina he had sex with at least once rockin’ a one piece because she knows that no one wants to see her post pregnancy ravaged stomach or the proof that there was no pregnancy at all, and that her 9 months were just a series of pregnant bitch costumes. They say she’s pregnant again but it doesn’t look like it in these pics. That’s pretty much all I have to say about that.