I don’t give a fuck about Lindsay Lohan anymore. It was fun while it lasted but I think she’s pretty much dead now or at least a few hauls of her cigarette away from being dead…she doesn’t do anything stimulating anymore, you know like fuck dudes, or show off her suffocating pussy as she gets out of car, you’d expect the thing to have a mind of its own after all the dickhead it’s eaten, and make a fuckin’ move or plan a fuckin’ escape from her host body, but instead shit stayed boring, something I am accustomed to.
On a sidenote, I am just bitter she stopped following me on twitter, her follow really validated my life, like a cosign from a fellow addict,
Lindsay Lohan has a skinny useless ass and I am not just saying that because she doesn’t work, or because she blocked me on Twitter, or because I like booty, but I am saying it because her ass has essentially been sewn the fuck up as it has rejected penis and turned to bumpin up with vagina, leaving it with no real purpose for me or any other guy, other than being a place her anorexic, drug addicted ass secretes whatever the fuck kind of feces anorexia and addiction produce….shit that I assume wouldn’t make the cut and get cast in a scat porn, not because it came out of Lohan and her and everything about her can’t get work, but because it would lack the talent needed to be smeared on a whores face while getting fuck. If that makes sense. Which it probably doesn’t.
BONUS – Here’s Her Skinny Person Belly While Hiding Her Face….
In being a total cunt of a celebrity who thinks she is more important than the rest of the world because she was in a few shitty movies when she was a kid, but who the media fixated on for so long, inflating her ego, who virtually has no money and is a millionaire at best, who lives with her girlfriend who is from a wallet fuckin’ groupie mother, who is definitely a rich kid, but not as rich as you think they are, they are just the kind of rich kid who show off their shit, flaunt their shit and live like fuckin’ pigs who are excessive to feed their useless miserable mooching existence with things they buy with money that they barely earned for themselves, because their daddies didn’t hug them enough when they were kids, all while treating normal people like shit, because they are too into themselves to be conscious of other people, like this poor fuckin’ massage girl who they called at 1 am, because someone is high maintenance and needs a massage “This fucking second” and the whole thing disgusts me.
I mean unless this bitch gives rub and tugs in which case a 1 am massage makes total fuckin’ sense, but she doesn’t look Asian or Russian, so I’m thinkin’ this is more about being a diva and less about getting off on a drunken late night where you can’t find pussy to call your own.
I have come to terms with the fact that my internet love affair with Lohan has finally come to an end, it was an internet fling that lasted a couple of weeks when her and Ronson were broken up, and now that everything is back in order at the lesbian factory in either of their pants, neither have time to answer my emails, or to follow me/respond to me on twitter. Maybe I am annoying and update too many retarded things too consistently, but I like to think it’s got more to do with them being no sense of humor, uptight, take themselves too seriously, cunts.
I wasn’t really all that broken up about it, I was trying to get Lohan jumping on a trampoline in a bikini on video, figuring she could use the exposure and it could be a role of her lifetime, but instead I just have these pictures of her partying at a Malibu beach house gettin’ her photo taken with her friends, like they fuckin’ matter.
It’s on some just because there’s a camera there, I need to get in front of it, cuz I am Lindsay Lohan and I’ll make everyone love me kick, well maybe next time she should do it jumping on a trampoline, in video, for me. I mean if she ever decides to rekindle our internet love like I was Sam Ronson and she was obsessed with my vagina-shaped cock.
Here are some of the hottest pictures of Lindsay Lohan that I’ve seen in a while, maybe it’s because I like girls who cover their faces up in shame, because girls who are proud of their slut behavior makes me nervous, but I like to think it’s got more to do with me knowing that she’s probably covering her face, trying to hide something, like from being totally wasted and wasted usually means she won’t be alert enough to realize she’s got some strangers dick inside her, but in Lohan’s case, that’s usually got more to do with having a numb pussy and not really anything to do with her level of sobriety.
BONUS – Here she is in Malibu lookin’ a little less fuckable, you know since passed out drunk chicks are way easier to stick your dick inside of than young starlets shopping during the day, at least that’s what I’ve always thought…
I am not successful and I don’t know anything about business or marketing, but when you are selling a low level product, let’s say a spray tan in a can like you were Lindsay Lohan, you’re probably better off getting your professional birthday spray tan in the privacy of your own “Samantha Ronson” home, so that the world doesn’t see you leaving a spray tan salon, pretty much telling us that your product isn’t good enough for you and that even you don’t bother with it and just attached your name to it for a quick fuckin’ buck, cuz that kind of hypocrisy and money grubbin sell out scamming behavior pisses me off and if you didn’t have such nice breasts, I’d probably write you a heavy worded email regarding this important personal business matter.
Here are the pics and I think it’s still her birthday, so Happy Birthday, asshole
Lindsay Lohan got a haircut and that disappoints me. Everyone says she’s a drug addict, but real drug addicts don’t care about their appearance, they are too busy trying to get drugs to maintain their shit, you know they are the kind of people who only shave their pussies or shower for the sake of getting money to buy more drugs…
Either way, I’m still waiting for my Lohan birthday invitation. I assume she’s too busy getting her hair done to return my calls. Maybe I’ll just have to stalk call her night and fuckin’ day.
Here’s everyone’s favorite lesbian Lohan doin’ her thing…we just haven’t figured out what that thing is…but we have figured out we want to see her naked all the time….
Lohan’s birthday party wasn’t hosted by me, like it probably should have been, I mean if she wanted shit to be a little less cheesy and a lot more homeless, but I guess when you do it in Vegas, cheesy is totally what you’re into, and when you’re Lohan, so is drugs and other girl’s vaginas, I mean not that I know that for a fact, because she’s playing to cool to answer my fuckin’ emails that I’ve been sending her the last 2 weeks and shit is breaking my fuckin’ heart, but not as much as seeing her in this bikini that looks like it can’t give me a boner, even if i was railing lines of Viagra all fuckin’ day….maybe it’s got somehting to the swollen vagina in her bikini bottoms that looks like it is throbbing, pulsating, convulsing, and ready to attack, suffocate and murder a motherfucker that it crosses paths with….
I haven’t been on the computer all weekend, because it is summber and I prefer spending my time lookin at real girls in bikinis, or at least in short skirts and skimpy clothes, so I didn’t bother posting these Lohan in her bikini bottoms doin’ the Michael Jackson in Vegas celebrating her birthday, but that’s mainly because of severe sadness that I wasn’t invited to her party, like this was elementary school, and I was the weird fat kid no one likes, which I guess is a common theme in my life.
I am so fuckin’ tired of this MJ shit, like dude hasn’t had so much air play, since he fingered a 10 year old in his Hot Air Baloon, but this lesbian pussy grab picture is alright, because like all lesbians, I appreciate a good pussy grab, finger, lick, or pretty much anything vagina related, but unlike all lesbians I am not so down with construction boots, talking about women’s rights in a man’s world, huggin’ trees while eating organic trail mix, before shaving their heads, and rollin’ their flannel shirts up to rip off every penis that comes their way, because they are still bitter they got raped/molested or ignored when they were lesbian….
Here are the picssss….or the pic….but that’s not as exiting without all the “s’s”
Lindsay Lohan is the kind of girl I’d love to watch jump on a trampoline, whether in clothes, in bikini, or naked. She’s just got it goin’ on like no other and I’m hoping anyone who knows her sends out this request because what would only take her 30 seconds to make, would change my fuckin’ life and being a hurtbag charity case, I’ll even make her a tax receipt for contributing to the cause that is my happiness.
Here she is in shorts and no bra while being all amazing…
I guess times are tough for Lindsay Lohan, not because she’s single and amazing, or because it’s the recession and she’s not getting much work and not because she only tipped this delivery dude $1.20, but because she’s hanging out with a piece of garbage pig of a girl Brittny Gastineau, who has a very deep rooted uselessness that includes a very sexy twitter relationship with me, I mean when she’s not too busy eating food, cuz foods her top priority, and that’s why she tipped the dude so low, because he’s actually on her payroll, cuz bringing food to her at various places is a full time fuckin’ job, otherwise like other fat chicks, she gets all hypoglycemic and a hypogylcemic fat chick is always a fuckin’ headache.
Here’s Lohan shopping with her own little hype man who wears his Lohan hoodie so people know who they’re dealing with, not that someone like Lohan really goes under the radar, but you can never been too sure during this recession.
The reality is that she’s probably shopping with her little brother, and I think she looks amazing, I am not a fan of showering or washing my hair during the summer, because it clears out seats on the bus for me to travel in luxury, like if I had my very own car, which would be nice, except for that whole DUI shit I never dealt with, because I don’t like doing day to day errands, that happened years ago and that now I have to redo driving lessons and shit to get my shit back, which is even more work than day to day errands, and it’s not that big of a deal, because at least on the bus, I get to creep out girls.
Speaking of creeping out girls, hey Lohan, I’m coming for you, literally.
Lohan twitter propers. Sure she doesn’t respond to my messages directed at her, but she does let me follow her and she follows me and that’s good enough. The only problem is that I fucking hate twitter and never read other people’s updates, I find it dull and irritating because I generally hate everyone, so when she posted these amazing pictures of her half naked, covering her amazing titties with a wig, like some kind of hippie being suggestive at woodstock or some shit, I totally missed the fuckin’ boat. It’s not the first time. I just hope this is a sign of good things to come, ideally me, all over myself to dirtier pics of her that she posts on twitter, but unfortunately, I’m not really a good thing.
Lindsay Lohan is a fucking star. I don’t care what all the haters say, because I got a feeling she’s going back to the top, as soon as she drops the latch on that is her DJ girlfriend who is bringing her the fuck down and distracting her from making magic. I mean Samantha Ronson seems harmless and all, but she’s not an idiot, if there’s no Lindsay Lohan running to her house everynight, the DJ gigs, the paparazzi, and pretty much everything she’s worked towards the last 3 years brainwashing Lindsay will go to fuckin’ shit.
I got an email from some asshole who didn’t understand why I give Lohan so much praise, or why I say she’s hot, and I think the reason is because she is.
I’m so smitten on this bitch that I even planned a big birthday celebration for her last year, where I was gonna jump out of a cake, but she didn’t show up, which is probably a good thing, because it got pretty weird pretty fast, since I couldn’t afford a real cake and jumping out of a twinkie is pretty impossible, and smearking it all over myself in my bedroom while crying just wasn’t a good look, you know, not my proudest moment.
Here are some pics of Lohan, to remind us all of a brighter tomorrow.
I have this fantasy of lesbian slumber parties that involves a group of teenage girls having pillow fights in their boyshort underwear because I am fucking cliche and that’s what lesbian slumber parties are all about. You know that whole experimental bullshit where you can sit around the next day and giggle about how dykey you were the night before, but halfway into the fantasy that Katy Perry song comes on and I look to find the asshole who turned it on and it’s fucking’ Samantha Ronson in her hat djing the lesbian slumber party event, forcing me to jump off of the tree branch I am perched on, where I am peeping in on the lesbian slumber party because I wasn’t invited since I have a cock and because I am an old pervert who scares teenage girls having pillow fights in their boyshort underwear.
I feel like Lohan and Samantha Ronson’s slumber parties aren’t as eventful as the lesbian slumber parties I dream about, but I wouldn’t mind seeing it.
