Today is the only happiest day of the year for sex offenders and the kids they want to commit sex offenses on. They can dress up like something they always dreamed they could be like a superhero, a sports star, or whatever else people dress as all to run up to strange people’s houses asking for candy, or to be the strange person at the house who get parental consent to have some alone time with endless amounts of kids….without the police getting involved, unless of course they get carried away and masturbate during the process and not to the memories of it…..
I didn’t end up going out last night, I am just posting late cuz I am lazy and not because I drank til 10 am, because I realized it wasn’t actually Halloween and figured that since I hate people that overkill holidays, like I overkill jokes, you know getting dressed up days before the actual day, it just didn’t make sense for me to be not be one of them, unless of course, I wanted to get confusing and make my costume of a guy who dresses up for Halloween on days that aren’t Halloween, but that seems pretty fuckin’ confusing. I think I’m going with my DJ AM idea, where I douse myself in gasoline and when the clock strikes midnight, I light up and run through the dance floor, or maybe I’ll go as nothing because dressing up is lame….especially a day early….
Unfortunately, these people didn’t realize that Halloween is today and not yesterday. Probably because they have nothing better to do, since they are pretty irrelevant….
Here’s Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as Horse Faced Whore with Fake Tits and Her Fake Latch on Fame Hungry Boyfriend…..unfortunately they didn’t go with the murder suicide I’ve been hoping to read about in the news….
Traci Bingham Dressed Like a Slutty Cop
Mariah Carey as a Slutty Fire Fighter
Looks like civil servants were the theme of the night, and I find that pretty offensive and a sign of famous people trying to use the media to get their politics across, you know because police and firefighters are a sign of the communism or socialism since they are paid out of people’s taxes money to keep the public safe and from breaking the law they created to control the public or from burning down like DJ AM….
Here’s some new Mariah Carey Video for you to listen to while you masturbate or sing along to when nobody is around, I am only posting it because she’s in a bikini and showing off her fat tits, and fat tits are pretty much the way to my heart. Another way to my heart is a lot of hard liquor. I decided to get drunk last night to celebrate your Independence Day and unfortunately didn’t lure girls back to my place for a hot tub party, mainly because I don’t have a hot tub and they weren’t down with standing in the shower while I through buckets of hot water on them, but I did stumble home and I realize that the drunker you get, the less you care about getting tits back to your house and the more you start caring about survival and just getting home alive.
It’s so typical that the half white girl would treat the all black husband as her fucking slave because white people are the devil. It makes things worse when you’re a younger dude and your wife is some kind of diva bitch who things the world works for her, making you the first officer in serving her cunt self.
These are pictures of Mariah Carey’s old weathered body beat up on set because she probably had to swim a lap, or throw a volleyball and now bitch is crying like she broke something because that’s why cunty spoiled brats do. The good news for her is that her bitch, fulltime personal assistant and husband is there to help her out, because it’s not like he’s got his own shit to do.
This job would be like winning the fuckin’ lottery after signing an agreement with the devil, taking you out of your poverty ridden shithole life, and bringing you to the life of luxury with the woman you lusted after when you were a teenager, and it all sounds pretty good, but within a year, you’ll be hanging from the rafters in your attic of your multi-million dollar home after killing youself because you just can’t take her shit anymore, so getting up into this shit when you’ve got your own money and hot younger bitches lined up is beyond me, but maybe Nick Cannon is a good little black kid who respects and serves his woman cuz his mom was an over-bearing Jesus freak in the projects.
I really don’t know, but I do know that his life with Mariah, despite all the superficial goodness seems like it’s just the worst job of his career and every minute of it fuckin’ sucks, even when jerking off to her while she’s asleep because she’s too tired doing nothing all day to put out.
Mariah Carey is in a Bikini in her new video. These are the pictures. I would write more, but what’s the fuckin’ point. Sometimes things just are what they are and the only thing we can laugh about is how much she looks like a character from Planet of the Apes or some shit.
So it turns out that Mariah Carey throws like a fag, but I guess that’s okay considering she’s one of those singing Diva bitches who is ridiculously high maintenance and as superficial, pretentious and obnoxious as a drag queen pretending to be a diva by overcompensating because it has a penis, so it’s kind of expected. What isn’t expected is that she didn’t make outrageous demands like to be carried onto the field by 15 men dressed like sailors where she is handed a diamond encrusted ball on a velvet pillow and solid pink gold baseball mitt before making her pitch in an evening gown. The only thing representative of her Diva high maintenance cunt ways are the heels, I guess marrying that dude’s really made her down to earth. and by down to earth I mean not throwing a tantrum because she got some dirt on her toes, which is a big step for this bitch as she lets down her black ancestors for not being athletic like the rest of them.
Mariah Carey is in Japan because that’s the only country that is crazy enough to care about her and they got her to throw some pitch at some baseball game. She was classy enough to show up in her Mariah track jacket and workout shorts while wearing her high heels because they are the only thing that makes her fat legs look thin. I guess the joke that is Mariah Care continues but on an international scale and I guess it doesn’t matter because I wouldn’t mind her and her weak chin throwing anything down for me, preferably my pants, because I have a useless set of balls I wouldn’t mind her singing to.
Here’s an exclusive that is probably not an exclusive anymore because I decided to drink last night instead of write about the release of Mariah’s new video because I have my priorities straight. Her fake husband who she decided to marry for publicity because that would be the only explanation for this joke of a stunt that threw both these fuckers into the media hard before the release of Nick Cannon’s show and Mariah’s album and it’s all proven with the fact that Nick Cannon re-gifted a ring. We all know that real girls wouldn’t accept that and despite wanting to save our money and recycle shit we bought previous sluts, we never would despite how poverty we are so why the fuck would he.
Either way, dude makes a cameo that isn’t as exciting as her cameo in a bikini. Her body looks tight and despite it being some kind of movie magic effect - I still like it enough to post it. Enjoy the boring song that I know you’ll continue to listen to when alone in your bedroom at night when you know your exgirlfriend is out on a date with her new dude, that is assuming you have an exgirlfriend which could be more of a stretch than this whole Mariah and Nick Cannon marriage.
I am the first to hate on Saturday Night Live for being some candy coated comedy show that doesn’t push any fucking limits ever or make me laugh. Their claim to fame in the 70s was that no one else was doing what they were doing. They were all so jacked on coke and they’d make fun of shit and show things you couldn’t find anywhere else on TV, but then the internet hit and TV became this lame censored place where no one could really do anything shocking or interesting or even that funny, unless they were on a cable channel.
The good news is that Saturday Night Live redeemed themselves this past weekend with a Mariah Carey panty slip, sure it’s about 10 years too late, but I think she’s still worth watching. The only thing that gets me down is the fact that she wasn’t too crazy or depressed to enough to forget her underwear, because a little vagina on Saturday Night Live would do them some good, and I don’t mean more Tina Fey or Molly Shannon, cuz those sluts are broken the fuck down….I am talking about Mariah Carey’s beav.
Here’s the new Mariah Carey video that you can almost relate to, except for the girl with big tits answering her door in a bra and playing with you in your fantasies party. Your life is more about being the awkward motherfucker sitting on the computer nervous as shit because a girl in the chat room just asked you for a private chat or some shit.Maybe one day she will get on cam for you, we all have dreams and my dream may not involve touching Mariah Carey or her huge tits, it’s gotta do with unicorns, they are so mystical and I feel like if I had I unicorn I could really take over the world.
It’s kinda like this asshole I used to hang out with who bought a Firebird with a T-Top. He was so convinced bitches would flock to it, that everytime we rolled together he would park outside of bars blasting his shitty music with a beer in his hand, expecting them to crawl into the half-assed convertible and start bouncing on his dick. Instead, they’d just look and laugh because we were about 20 years too old and too late and the high school dreams of being the cool guy with the firebird should have been left in highschool, and high school girls today are more into luxury cars and Firebirds don’t have the same impact as they did in the 80s. Now if dude had a unicorn, every slut from the age of 4 on would think you’re a fuckin’ hero and that is the power of having a non-existent animal all girls dreamed of having as a kid, it’s timeless.
Either way, Here’s me and Mariah like baby and pacifier’s new video.
Here are some pictures of Mariah Carey topless on the beach. She’s doing a pretty damn good job covering up her shit. She’s even strategically placed her dog and used him as a bra which leads me to wonder what else she does with her dog. Not only does the little fucker get to eat her panties, sniff her crotch and eat her tampons when she’s on the rag, watch her take a shit and get closer to her tits than you ever will, but since bitch is crazy, it’s safe to assume that dresses him up for dinner in a little tuxedo pretending he’s her date, since no guy goes near her for fear of having her have a nervous breakdown on them….but that dog just can’t say no…mainly because he can’t talk but also because he feels so luxurious….
Speaking of luxurious, I am drunk and realized that my hair is falling out. Not only am I a fat middle aged poverty case but now I am also a bald fat middle aged poverty case. It’s pretty depressing, but considering I have no self-esteem as it is, I guess it’s not a big deal….probably the same kind of feeling Mariah has when she decided to paraded around the beach like she’s 20 and this is college spring break….
I don’t see enough of Mariah Carey, I don’t mean that literally, because bitch is big enough to fill the frame as successfully as her late 90s career, I meant in general, where the fuck did she go and what the fuck’s she been up to since her psychological meltdown. Reality is that I don’t really care, I was never a fan of anything more than her big tits.
I was at a party on Saturday and there was a girl there who I know. She pulled out her camera to show me a picture of her crotch. She was wearing pantyhose and underwear over the pantyhose. I was confuse, because I was always under the impression that pantyhose doubled as underwear and that’s why they have that weird vagina protector and if you’re going to wear underwear with pantyhose, wouldn’t it only make sense to wear them under the pantyhose? I was pretty drunk so instead of asking her, I just pinned her against the wall, lifted up her skirt and dry humped her with my limp dick. She wasn’t really vibing on my “I get drunk and molest you” ways, but she shoulda been expecting it coming from me. Her boyfriend on the otherhand gave me a high five, or what I thought was a high five before it slammed me in the face and gave me a nose bleed. I guess the lesson of the day is that when getting drunk and molesting a chick with underwear over her pantyhose, make sure her boyfriend isn’t right next to her.
Either way, here is Mariah Carey rockin’ some tight dress, pantyhose and a pair of fuck me boots for all you losers who used to jerk off to her music videos before the internet was invented.
On Some TRL Shit….
On the Street….
Bonus: Mariah Carey’s Cleavage on the Today Show…Today…
Here are some pictures of Mariah Carey’s cleavage because she has big tits and I figured you like to feel like you were in the room with her, lookin’ down her shirt because you are a pervert and wouldn’t actually be with a girl who looks like this. That’s not saying that Mariah Carey is hot, it’s saying that you’re a loser.
Speaking of losers, I used to hang out with a girl who was built like Mariah. She had a weak chin, big boobs and a pretty curvy body. She was an alcoholic, so we’d get drunk pretty much everyday for the month we hung out together. I wanted to bang her from day one, but she thought she was hotter than she was and liked having me around because I could drink as much as she could and I didn’t look down on her for being a slut who ended up going home everynight with a different dude. I took on the shitty friend role who had to listen to all her sexual conquests about how guys stuffed her and how she’d have to get rid of them then next day and shit, and it made me want to take her for a round. No matter how drunk we got she would never give me any pussy. She would always leave with a random because she had some theory that she only bangs dudes she doesn’t know.
Either way, I went out with her on an off night and she ended up leaving the bar alone. She invited me back to her place so I figured I’d be banging her. We put on a movie and I grabber her pussy, that’s my move. If they throw off the hand it means they don’t want it. I am pretty romantic like that especially when I know the girl I am dealing with is a slut. Anyway, we end up fooling around, I finger bang her, suck her tits all the standard shit and like an idiot pull pants off. That shit was like the alarm sounding in her head and she put a stop to everything and sent me home never to talk to me again.
Whenever I see Mariah Cary pictures, I remember that night, that girl and how I can turn off girls quicker than anyone I know and here are those Mariah pics.
These bitch needs more than just a vacation. She should be spending her money on a personal trainer, some lipo and a little breast lift. I hate being the person who attacks bitche’s body cuz I know that’s all everyone who posts these pics is going to say. I’d like to make it very clear to all my readers, that I have no problem with fat girls, I am married to a fat girl. I don’t want to give you the impression that I am shallow, cuz I am not, I like anything with a vagina. When I used to be a dog breeder, I’d drown all the little boy dogs, cuz they didn’t have little dog vaginas, like Mariah.
