Megan Fox is comforting her boyfriend at a Mexican restaurant because he just realized that he is Brian Austin Green, the asshole from 90210 and he can’t quite figure out how he landed such a young hot piece of ass being Brian Austin Green, since it’s not 1995 anymore, and either can we, but I hear despite the initial shock, he’s happy that he has hot pussy to distract himself with because it is a much better outcome than his original plan of escaping that “90210 role of a lifetime” that seems to follow him everywhere by killing himself, it’s just not a better outcome for us.

I got with a girl once who had the biggest tits. For the month it took me to finally get her topless, I would just stare at her tits thinking about how big and luscious they were. I remember her having the most spectacular cleavage and trying to look down her top every time she bent over.

One night when drunk, I managed to start making out with her. I slid my hand up her shirt and under her bra and started hunting her massive breast for what I was hoping would be perky little nipples because my fantasies had me believing that I was dealing with perfection and not the big tits that have big downward sloping nipples.

After my exploration, I couldn’t find any fuckin’ nipple, and I looked as hard as I fuckin’ could. I started panicking and decided the only solution was to get her shirt off, so I could see what I was dealing with and maybe my hand wasn’t communicating the right message back to my brain because I was drunk. So her shirt came off because I made her think I was going to suck her tits, her amazing tits were finally exposed and lookin’ back at me only they didn’t have any fuckin’ nipples.

Her shit stain was the same color as her tits and her nipple was inverted and shit looked a lot like what you see on a mannequin at the store. I was kinda thrown off and uncomfortable about the whole thing, but still fucked her, and discovered first hand that a nipple-less tit is an inferior tit no matter how nicely shaped it is.

These Megan Fox topless pictures remind me of that horrible night, but at least her pasties come off when she gets home to her 90210 loser boyfriend.

I am not some kind of art fag and I generally don’t make commentary on the way someone takes a picture, makes a video or whatever the fuck takes some level of artistic vision, because I honestly couldn’t care less. But when I look at these pictures of Megan Fox with an actual fox, I get offended by the lack of thought that went into the fuckin’ picture. I wonder who set up this fuckin’ shoot, maybe it was a 3 year old consulting the photographer saying “Fox” and pointing to a picture of a fox while he knew he had to shoot Megan Fox and was like “why didn’t I think of that” or some shit. The truth is I fuckin’ hate literal images, like videos that pretty much explain what I am lookin’ at or listening too like I am some kind of fuckin’ retarded kid in a helmet running into the fuckin’ wall.

The only time this kind of thing would be acceptable is if they had Jennifer Lopez posing with a migrant border jumpin’ beaner cleaning her hotel room, or maybe a Paris Hilton video of her in a Hilton Hotel that they were about to implode in order to build a new state of the art building because it’s old and haggard, but that’s just cuz I think her time’s expired and we need a new one. I guess it’d be ok if there were pictures of Miley Cyrus posing with 300 Iranian dudes named Cyrus and by posing I mean being jerked of on by….

Either way, here’s Megan Fox with a Fox and an example of the shittiest creative vision in this photoshoot.

Looks like Megan Fox just found out that we all know she’s been having sex with Brian Austin Green of 90210 fame and she’s embarrassed and hiding. I guess whenever your dirty little secrets get out, it takes a little while to get over it because you know that despite the friendly faces and smiles people give you, they actually think you’re some kind of deranged sexual deviant. Kinda like that time your mom walked in on you jerking off to gay porn or the time you got arrested for kidnapping that girl, undressing her and lockin’ her in your basement for 24 hours before letting her go but keeping her panties as a souvenir leading to your big debut on the local news and on the cover of the local paper making your family, friends and colleagues really fuckin’ proud to know you.

The truth is that sacrificing a hot pussy to such a lame motherfucker is even worse than any of those things as far as embarrassment goes. Shit proves to the world that you either have no standards, no self respect, or some kind of twisted sexual appetite that involves losers. In reality, his dick murdered her sex appeal and he should be the one arrested, but unfortunately she let it happen and for that - she’s summoned to this walk of shame.

The good news is that like the time you got caught by your mom doing inappropriate things people are supposed to do themselves, it will blow over, because time heals but you know that every time she looks at you, she still shudders in shame…because I guess somethings just aren’t so easy to forget no matter how much drugs, booze, or time goes by. Brian Austin Green is one of those things but I’d still stuff this bitch like a thanksgiving turkey, but that’s only because I don’t have shit on Brian Austin Green, he’s actually cooler than I am and that is one of the many reasons I’ve contemplated suicide.

Here are some pictures of a classy Megan Fox with her shitty tattoo and hot tits that got her out of the gutter she obviously came from because no girl from money would be impressed by Brian Austin Green enough to let him have sex with them.

I read somewhere that bitch was poverty and luckily for her family, she wasn’t ugly, because when you’re poor and have a good lookin’ kid, it only means one thing and that is a meal ticket. The reason is that poor ugly girl just have absolutely no hope where as a hot poor girl can always find a way out, whether it’s sucking dick for money, dancing on a pole for money, or hooking up with older married men, getting pregnant and blackmailing them for money. There are options…

I guess the point of all this is to say that her Marilyn Monroe tattoo is obsolete now that Lohan has taken on her personal and trying to steal her thunder. Now every time anyone looks at Megan Fox they are going to think of Lohan. It’s kinda like the time a friend of mine drank the last beer, so I fucked this girlfriend when they were on a break and gave her herpes, knowing they would get back together and every time she gets an outbreak they’ll think of me. I win motherfucker….

Megan Fox is pretty much one of the hottest actors in Hollywood right now and that’s not really saying much because I am more of a model kind of guy than an actor kind of guy, so I don’t get too excited about actors or singers being hot ever, but then again I don’t get excited for much, not even Christmas.

The reason I don’t like actors is that they remind me of circus performers. They are convinced that they’ve got some kind of talent because they can make themselves cry on demand or memorize words, and the industry pats them on the back because it lines their pockets, stroking the actor’s egos, making them think they are way more important to the world than they really are. My neighbor’s kid cries on demand every time his dad hits him and I heard him reciting the alphabet the other day so dude may be 3 but he could be the next Hayden Panettiere, he just has to grow his hair out.

The other reason I don’t like actors is because they are short and in an ideal world, girls would have legs that pretty much end at my face and models do. The model lifestyle is also a lot more interesting to me because they go out and party, do a lot of drugs, sit on beaches because their work is about as demanding as just showing up on time, and if they are big enough, they set the time they start and they make insane money for just being hot.

Either way, here are Megan Fox’s nipples that the dude from 90210 sucks, and better cherish the fucking moment, because she’ll eventually realize that he’s a joke and even if he’s got a big dick, she’ll be movin’ on to less embarrassing dudes because she won’t need their failure to make her feel better about her career, cuz that shit’s about to pop.

Here is Megan Fox at some fashion show yesterday looking pretty fucking good in red even though she’s protecting her vagina from being exposed like some kind of old lady who doesn’t want the world to see her dried up box. She’s not a real slut and that’s a turn off. The fact that she has the lamest boyfriend in the fucking world also makes me want to hate her and her awkward and randomly placed tattoos that remind me of my toilet after my wife is done with it…you know all splattered with shit and smelling of death also make me sick, but she’s got something going on and you freakshows should print her pictures up and jerk off on them because you know she deserves it.

I like that she’s wearing a period colored dress, even if it doesn’t make as much sense as period pants, because if she was to leak out of her tampon, shit would be dripping down her motherfuckin’ leg….The thing that I hate about girls on their period is that shit is false advertising. If they leave their house on the rag there’s no way they are going to let you fuck them on a one night stand because they are all self conscious about the mess it makes. So shit is false advertising for us guys buying them drinks, not that I would ever buy anyone a drink, I am more of a more for me kind of asshole.

I was talking to a dude today who told me that he has a period fetish and wants to start a period fetish site for dudes like him who only like fucking their girls on the rag. He wanted to call it “Don’t Clean This Bloody Mess” or “Bleed on Me When You’re Not Strong” or some shit that was even more crafty then that, but I forget because I am drunk right now, but I think that’s the grossest idea. I am all for taking what I can get and have no issue banging on the rag, but that’s the kind of shit I try not to relive in video, I was also more into taking a shower as soon as I fucking could, even though I am not the cleanest guy out there, and flip the mattress over, because I don’t do sheets and don’t like sleeping on what looks like a murder scene.

Either way, here is Megan Fox, who probably let’s David from 90210 bang her on the rag, but let’s just hope she doesn’t let him give her career advice, because that would be like letting a blind person cut your hair, or a one legged hooker give you a footjob, or letting a retarded kid write your site for you when you are too drunk and in the mood to exploit the handicap because he probably does a better job than I do. Let’s just say, I’m not a hard act to follow.

I am always happy to see Megan Fox with her boyfriend, mainly for you because it gives losers like you hope that one day you will bag a hot chick. I know that in Megan Fox’s case she was probably diddling herself to David on 90210 when she was growing up so for her she’s living the fuckin’ dream and that no girl has ever diddled herself for you, so your Megan Fox will never come out of the woodwork and sweep you out of your shitty fucking life, but at least there’s hope and delusion is just as good as reality because at least you believe it and if you believe it then it’s truth. See how fuckin’ deep I am, and it’s all because Megan Fox and David from 90210 bring out my internal philosopher, it’s got nothing to do with you inspiring me because you don’t inspire anyone, you don’t even inspire your mother enough to admit that you came from her pussy.

Bonus: Megan Fox Ass in Denim

I’m entering my first year of college in a week or so and had to go confirm my registration yesterday afternoon. I’m not looking forward to college to be honest, but if anything it will provide me with good writing in the form of sleeping with my professors, going to keg parties and lots of “experimenting” with drugs and members of the same sex. Although it’s not really experimenting anymore when you do it every weekend.

While most of my friends drove off to state college earlier this month in their new cars their parents bought them , o go live in apartments their parents also pay for, I am living at home, going to community college and don’t even have my license yet. If I was smart or good at sports I may have got a scholarship and since fucking people isn’t a highschool class (yet), I guess I’m shit out of luck in the area of financial aid.

This is the part where I would normally link the photos to what I just wrote about, and you would either laugh or write some cry baby comment about what I wrote, but I can’t think of anything right now, so here’s a shit load of Megan Fox pictures with her looking like a sexy student.

Go beat off. The End.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

I was at a house party on the weekend with a friend of mine and we were outside on the patio when this loser came up to us. He didn’t say anything at first. He just stood there listening to our conversation, staring blankly. After about 3 minutes of this, there was a break in our conversation and a moment of silence. I guess jackass thought he would use this as his “in” to start talking to us and of all things he could say, blurted out “So, you have 2 beers, huh?” pointing at the beer I had in each hand.

I looked at my friend, and my friend looked at me, and he just stood there very please with himself, with a look on his face that suggested he actually thought this introduction to our conversation was going to get him some pussy. Now generally I try not to be a bitch when it comes to guys coming up to me, but in this case, I couldnt help myself and i laughed in his face. I know not all of you are Don Juan, and I will pretty much sleep with anyone who is a 6/10 or above, but even I like there to be a little effort in the initial pick up sometimes. Why not just say “So, I see your wearing shoes.” or “Hey, you have hair, I like that in a women.” You get the point. I honestly would have been more receptive to “Nice shirt, wanna fuck?”

One more example of why guys like you will be virgins until you die, or until you finally breakdown and pay a whore with the money you have been saving in your piggy bank, which ever comes first.

Here’s some pics from the Teen Choice awards. Virgin or not, none of these girls will ever sleep with you, ever. And yeah, some of these chicks are borderline Jail Bait, but you are a Perv and are into that type of thing.

Aimee Teegarden

Audrina Partridge

Jessica Alba

Megan Fox

Sophia Bush

Vanessa Hudgens

Julien and I share alot of sex stories and he got a little pissed at me the other night when I told him about one of my recent adventures, and decided to write about it today.

I was talking to a Marie-Eve about this guy that she slept with the other night. He was going down on her forever and he wasn’t even close to getting her off. She said that he was actually pretty bad at giving head but he kept trying and trying. I asked her why she let it go on so long and she goes “Well, he was really hot.”

Now I’m far from being the cunnilingus expert. I mean I’m COMPLETELY on the other side of the fucking coin. I wouldn’t go down there unless I was fucked up on a cocktail of GHB, ecstasy and A LOT of alcohol.

And if she also had the body of man.

And a dick.

And didn’t have a vagina.

The point is though I don’t care how fucking hot you are, if you suck at something really important (like giving head) I’m going to fire your ass. If you suck, you are pretty much dead to me. This isn’t exclusive to head of course. Take Megan Fox. She’s all hot and shit and has a nice rack but she is awful. I mean she was the worst thing about that Transformers movie (the second worst thing was when I realized that there was NOT going to be a sex scene between Optimus Prime and Shia Laboeuf.) She is currently filming a new movie but I think she should save us a little pain and fucking quit now.

I bet she gives good head though.

Smooch!

Julien

I went and saw Transformers for the afternoon show the other day, and was introduced to Megan Fox. I’m not sure where she came from, but she’s my new favourite actress and not because of her acting skills. I can’t really comment on her acting because I’m not a fucking acting coach and I’m and 18 year old girl and pretty much believe anything anyone tells me anyways. She’s doesn’t have implants yet, she’s doesn’t have the body of a skeleton, and she doesn’t have stupid vanilla blonde stripes that look like somebody peed bleach on her hair. She’s my kind of gal. Jesus doesn’t think shes that hott, but he’s a fatass who is way to critical of other people. I still love him tho.

I forgot to set my alarm last night didn’t wake up until 9 (I wanted to get up at 8). I’ve been seeing this guy on and off and we got into a huge argument because he thinks I’m a nice girl, but I have a heart that’s made of ice and I don’t really deny that because all my life I’ve had people and guys walk the fuck all over me while I just stood there and took it and now I’m at the point where the only person in the world I rely on is myself, and maybe Jesus if I need advice on how to hot wire a car.

I know of the 7 people reading this right now, 1 is a women, 2 are loser virgins who live at home with their mom. The other 4 fall into 2 catagories, the first being guys who don’t give a fuck about anybody but themselves, and will pretty much feel that way until they realize they are gonna die old and alone. The last category , the one where the guy I’m talking about sits, is good looking guys with money who believe in love in romance and want you to give your heart to them or some bullshit, and when you don’t treat you like shit because of it. Dating sucks and I hate you all.