There are Bull Dykes that drive motorbikes, Diesel Dykes who drive big rigs and Van Dykes who have their own TV shoes in the 1960s and then there is Michelle Rodriguez. This bitch has more testosterone than the prescription my doctor gave me 5 years ago to man the fuck up, but instead turned me into an alleged rapist who got off because they could prove the testosterone treatment turned me into a superhero, a fate probably a lot better than the girl who I allegedly raped, who has to carry that shit around with her for the rest of her life, sucker.
Unfortunately for Michelle Rodriquez, getting off usually involves a strap on dildo banging against her oversized steroid clit as she sodomizes random whores she meets at her local college’s gay and lesbian club, or wherever the fuck you meet women who fuck women, and getting off doesn’t come to her after getting busted for a DUI, where her hard knock sentence involved a couple hours of community service, when regular people end up in jail for that shit.
What the judge didn’t know, is that Michelle Rodriguez always dreamt of being a construction working, shit was in her blood and in the imaginary testicles she used to grab whenever no one was looking, so giving her a rake, a hard hat, some steel toed boots, a reflector vest and some orange garbage bags is not really a punishment for this dude, it’s a fuckin’ dream come true…..
Here are the pics, until the paparazzi make me take it down…..
I have a thing for White Bikinis because they usually go sheer when a girl gets wet and girls generally don’t realize when their white bikinis go sheer so that makes for a great opportunity to scope out her goods without her even noticing….
I don’t have a thing for women in men’s underwear. I once know a guy who used to love that shit before it became a popular, everyday thing. He would go to K-Mart and buy up as many pairs of action figure little kid underwear he could find for whoever he was banging at the time. I don’t know what it was that got him off, was it because he liked little boys or was it just because he liked girls dressed like little boys, and the reality of the situation was that no matter how you looked at it, it was pretty fucking creepy but then all of a sudden companies started releasing boy shorts made the exact same way as the briefs he used to love, so maybe I am the weird one…..
The other funny story about that guy was that when that girl dumped him he was so devastated that he went to a gay bar and let gay dudes buy him drinks because he was so caught up in her that when she broke his heart he wanted to go gay, but never did because it didn’t turn him on….even though I saw him years later at a club high on E getting rubbed down by an Asian dude…I guess that was the drugs talking and not his underlying homosexuality..but I have never let a man rub me down when high, I have however caught myself holding hands with guys when i am drunk for a longer amount of time than normally accepted socially, but I didn’t do that cuz I was into the dude, I did it because I was so drunk I appreciated the support so that I didn’t end up flat on my face….
Either way, no matter how you dice it, whether girl’s got a pussy or not, being into these Michelle Rodriguez pics is almost as gay as letting a man rub you down at a club while you’re high on E, even if it looks like she may have tits and her dick is nicely tucked away….
Last night I got wrecked, because that is what i do (something Jesus and I founded our brief relationship upon, that and raw-dogging, because he could still get it up in those days and my wadge was excited to be a free bird now). So I went to the rooftop bar of this very expensive NYC hotel, chic but a step down from the place where Lohan likes to do a coked-out, writhing on the floor with no panties freak-out fest in, but I am an ex-hooker so i will settle for celebries’ sloppy seconds hot spots (i will even settle for a port-a-potty as long as there is booze). I either got 5 guys to buy me two drinks a piece, or 2 guys to buy me 5 drinks–it’s all a haze, so go figure. Point is I haven’t seen a penis-in-the-flesh in a while (a girl needs a break every now and then), so I stumbled back to this fairly decent banker-type’s apartment, knowing it was nicer than my converted store-front shithole, and he looked pretty clean, and not like a serial killer. Most of it is a blur from there, but I remember him whipping out his cock and asking if I would eat a graham cracker if he came on it. I said yes, but only if he did it first. He came on the graham cracker, took a bite of his homegrown butter, then handed it to me. I threw it on the floor, ground it into his plush white carpet with my heel, then ran outa there. All in all, it was a good night for me, a bad night for his carpet.
As for Michelle Rodriguez, she has a hardcore S&M boot condom on. Why? I think her lipstick girlfriend (who could do better) likes Michelle to give her the foot version of fisting, and makes her wear the wrapper because she suspects Mich contracted something during her 3 hour stay in prison (and i don’t mean splinters from being broomstick-banged). It is nice to know she wears the boot condom all the time for whenever the mood strikes, like probably in the bathroom of the starbucks they just came out of.
After the success of the last Michelle Rodriguez Bikini picture post where I said she was a mexican monkey, I decided to prove to all you fucking assholes who said that I was a racist for calling her that even though she looked like she was in planet of the apes and that it was a pretty fucking obvious observation that I was right and that she is a fucking monkey.
Here are pictures that look like they were taken right out of National Geographic or some other jungle documentary on monkeys running around on trees, maybe it reminds you of the last time you went to the zoo but instead of the monkeys being actual monkeys, they are pictures of Michelle Rodriguez and she is in a bikini. So fuck you for doubting me…
These pictures are supposed to be from this weekend, but for some reason they look fucking familiar. I went through my archives to try to find them, but couldn’t so I just assume that this Michelle Rodriguez, monkey looking mexican, just isn’t into wearing bikini bottoms. She’s probably got a fat ass, or some weird deformity like testicles that she’s trying to hide, because even though I can’t find the pictures, I know she’s done this before. What’s even weirder is that I have no idea who this bitch is or what movies she’s been in, but I do know what bikinis she wears.
I kinda feel like I did when I was a kid and was into the girl in the apartment complex next door, I knew pretty much everything about her cuz I wanted a piece, not because I followed her around, but because we crossed paths a lot like I’d run into her at her job or at her school or in the neighborhood. At one point, I had run into her often that I couldn’t just go up to her and ask “do you come here often” or “I think I’ve seen you around”, because it would have been awkward and it probably would have made her think I was a creep or a stalker or some shit. I guess what I am trying to get at with this story of lost opportunities and broken dreams is that if you don’t know a bitch’s name, but know what kind of bikini she wears on the regular, you should introduce yourself. So Michelle Rodriguez, my name is Jesus Martinez and I just wrote about you. Cuddles…
