Here are Nicolette Sheridan and her fiance Michael Bolton walking out of some LA restaurant called the Ivy with a doggie bag. I always thought that doggie bags were for poor people who wanted to get their money’s worth at a restaurant, you know, if there was one slice of pizza left, they’d take that shit home because they paid for it and wouldn’t let it go to waste. But rich people are supposed to be assholes, who buy everything on the menu, take one bite out of the meal, spit it out and send it back, only to walk out pissed off at the world and to never go back and to make sure their other rich friends never go back. So despite having never having heard of her before Desperate Housewives, I have unfortunately heard Michael Bolton, and even though it gets every 45 year old woman and her mother wet, even after menopause, that shit rapes my fucking ears. But there are a lot of women in the world and it is safe to say he’s sold a lot of albums and that he could afford to send that meal back even if his fiance only took one bite because she’s trying to watch her figure, and thank god she is because she looks fucking solid for a 45 year old woman who still gets wet for Michael Bolton, even after menopause.

I am pretty sure these are old, but they were sent into me and I had no choice but to post them because her ass looks amazing and they remind me of some chick that I just saw walking with her annoying 15 year old son. I assume that she was a trophy wife who has some really rich husband and spends her days at the gym fucking the fitness trainer, at the hair salon talking to her fag stylist about giving blowjobs, at the day spa yelling at her masseuse about rubbing her down harder, at home yelling at the maid about cleaning better and at the cook about using more low-fat ingredients because the shit he’s cooking doesn’t fit in with the South Beach Diet her nutritionist put her on. The benefit of making a life out of being vain and self absorbed and superficial was that her ass was probably one of the most solid asses I’d ever seen and I tried to let her son know that he should be jerking off to her while she’s out at the pool and not trying to land blowjobs at his Jewish summer camp because she is that good.

When I finally made eye contact with the kid, I pointed to his moms ass and gave him the thumbs up hand signal. He just gave me the finger and went back to his phone conversation. I guess he hears about how hot she is everytime his friends tell him how bad they want to fuck her, or how they end up hanging out with her instead of him anytime they go over. The reality is that she is probably the only reason he has friends.

So seeing Nicolette Sheridan’s fit ass is just an extension of this celebration of bitches in their 40s who still have it going on enough for you to rub one out to, even though your desperation leaves you rubbing one out to pretty much anything with a vagina, including your fat neighbor who likes to garden in short shorts…