Boring as Fuck…..

I am all about spanish chicks. I don’t know why but I think it’s gotta do with fear. They are passionate people and when you wrong them they go fucking crazy and I guess the whole getting stabbed in my sleep for trying to get another girl to show me her tits makes me feel really loved because I would never kill anyone for anyone, I just don’t care enough about anyone to bother, but knowing that a girl is willing to go psycho for me is makes my heart go pitter-patter.

I met a hot Spanish girl last night who knew about the site. It was a bit of an ego boost because I didn’t realize anyone actually read this shit and I was right, she landed on it by accident and never re-visited, but she still remembered the name and that kinda gives me a boner because it means more hot girls are out there and hopefully they are a little sluttier than this one because she was too busy being hot to let me convince her to show me her vagina. In all reality I was scared to ask because she’s Spanish and I didn’t want to get stabbed…..but I did make her whisper sweet nothings in her native tongue, unfortunately not the kind of tonguing I’m into….

Here are some Penelope Cruz using her tongue in her bikini with some boyfriend.

Here are some pictures of Penelope Cruz’s family on the beach somewhere without Penelope Cruz. I have posted about her sister Monica Cruz before, she’s sin the thong, but I have no idea who the topless chick is. The message board I steal my pictures from say that it’s her cousin and it doesn’t really matter who she is, all that matters is that she is living the life, sitting on the beach all thanks to Penelope’s hard work. I guess this is a lot like when they were living in Spain as kids and they’d sit at home all day and send Penelope off to mow lawns, clean houses, work at the local cafe so that when she got home they could steal her paycheck and buy themselves ice cream.

Reality is that I don’t care how she’s related to Penelope Cruz because I just like topless beaches and would post that shit whether bitch was famous or not. I have this fantasy of grandeur, living the life with an above ground pool and a backyard where my stepdaughter and her friends will tan topless while I just sit back and drink beer. All the 18-20 year old hot girls will come over to take advantage of the only pool in the ghetto and I will be a happy fucking man….

I guess the point of this post is that the cousin’s tits are uneven and there’s nothing sexier than bringing a bitch home, taking off her bra to find that shit was being balanced out with a pair of socks and you’re really dealing with some one tit bigger than the other shit that is a lot like driving with a flat tire.

Here are those pics:

After work, I walked the 1.5 miles home and lost the will to live/ get laid. This is what I came across.

– a little boy fell off his skateboard skateboard while talking on his shiny Razr
– a pregnant woman with a gremlin face (condoms, please)
– a homeless man was washing his leper feat with water out of a McDonald’s cup
– an old man and his Woody Allen Voice yelling into his phone “You are my girlfriend, why are you treating me this way?” (mystery)
– a man pushing a dog in a hot pink stroller
– a 10 year old girl kicked a pigeon
– a Bentley with a license plate reading “CAVITY” (search?)

It felt like i was living in some fucked up combo of ‘Twin Peaks’ and ‘The Truman Show.’ I Got home, took some pills, drank. If I hadn’t been for my vibrator, I would have done myself in. It’s fancy. It has a clit stimulator.

So I am not hurting so much anymore, but you’ll be hurting for Monica Cruz on the beach in Ibiza wearing a bikini. Seriously, let’s talk about the charmed life. Your big sister, who is arguably less hot than you, makes it big as Tom Cruise’s beard, and you don’t have to work your way to fame, just sit their and look pretty. Nicely done, you hot, Spanish minx.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

UPDATE: Here’s some ones of Penny too. Who do you love?

I’m not sure if this is a dress or a shirt, but in the end it doesn’t really matter to you virgin ass, you know it and I know it. Penelope could be covered in dog crap and cigarette ashes and you would still be all over her ass.

Remember when she dated Tom Cruise? I never understood that. Everyone said she was his “beard” or whatever they call nice ladies that pretend to be in a relationship with homos but I never bought it. She seemed way to smart for that. She was also way to good for him, a lot like the girls I see out at the clubs I go to, hanging out with some Brandon Davis-esque asshole because he has a bottle of Grey Goose vodka.

I knew this girl a bit older then me once who constantly dated loser guys. She was so out of their league it was ridiculous. She explained to me one day with all her guy problems she had in the past, she was like fuck it, and dated guys who would do anything for her because they knew and she knew they would never get to stick their dick in something that looks as good as she did ever again.

So keep that in mind the next time a pretty girl seems like shes being nice to you, you fat loser.

The beauty of the internet is that you can look at a bitch shop and not get caught like if you were on the street doing it. I remember being a pervert before the internet where I’d hang under staircases lookin’ up hoping to see some panty, or sitting on the bench in a bikini store waiting to see girls try shit on and model it for me for free before getting kicked out. I even remember trying to peek around the curtains of the changing room hoping to see some nudity, I didn’t need the internet to make me realize all the opportunity there is as a peeping tom. But I did need the internet to allow me to do it without getting arrested.

The internet breeds perverts like you because it makes you live differently than you used to. It has given you fetishes you would otherwise never have and instead of innocently walking by a store, you’ll find yourself trying to get an upskirt view, or catch yourself staring at a girl tries on her shoes. The problem is that the internet is a safe haven for all this shit, while being out in a mall leaves you open to the elements.

Here are some pics of Penelope or her sister Monica Cruz trying on shoes and giving some upskirt peeks, so you don’t have to go to the mall to get what you need. You’re welcome.

I like when the Paparazzi take pictures of celebrities on the beach, during their vacations. They deserve it, considering an Actor’s life is a fuckin’ vacation. Try working in a factory you motherfuckers, an entire life to just pay the fuckin’ rent, while you sip your cocktails, play on your cell phones and order around some local slave you hired. Point of the story is I like that Penelope’s boyfriend dresses like he’s homeless and is still recognized as one of people’s most beautiful people. If you’re wondering why I know that, my fat wife like to read magazines and recite the whole motherfucker to me when I am cornered, and forced to talk to her. Either way, here are some of the bikini pics all the loser celebrity bloggers will be posting, remember you got it here first. I am watching phone sex infomercials. My life is fucking complete. Fuck you.