Phoebe Price is still trying to ride the wave of finally making it onto the cover of some tabloid for having the most disgusting cellulite ridden legs, only this time she’s hired a photographer who does some touch-ups, I guess she’s finally realized the less clothes she wears the more people care about her and by people I mean me, because I encourage girls coming to terms with this obvious concept, even if they’re doing it about 25 years too late.
I remember when I was hanging out at an old folks home for kicks and I started talking to this crazy senile bitch who had a pretty stacked body for an old lady and she knew it because all the dudes in the home all tried to get up in her. She loved the attention and would play it up and when I suggested a Geriatric Wet T-Shirt contest she was the first one in line. Unfortunately, she drowned. I am just kidding, we got stopped before the fun went down and I was asked to never step food in the home again because my kind of volunteering is not one they appreciate, but I’ll never forget that little heartbreaker who was a literal heartbreaker because she killed at least more than one dude in her seductive, big breasted, cock teasing antics.
My power went out a bunch of hours ago and I thought it was because I hadn’t paid my electricty bill and the company shut me down and I was happy because it re-affirmed my ghetto lifestyle, but then I walked outside and realized the whole block was out and that I wasn’t as much as a hurtbag as I thought I was.
My ghetto accomplishment, wasn’t much of an accomplishment at all and I think the same goes for Phoebe Price who got some press for being in a bikini candid shot showing off her fat legs and thought it was so fuckin’ amazing tht she made it to the cover of some tabloid magaine that she has has since staged a bunch of photoshoots with the paparazzi to relive those glory days, unfortunately she completely delusional and thinks that she made the cover because people want to fuck her and that delusion carried over into today’s pictures where she’s trying to exude sex, when shit should just be covered up and not cover material.
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I don’t know how much Phoebe Price paid for this bikini photoshoot, but it is obviously staged and retouched. It was only last week when Phoebe Price made me sick to the stomach with her sloppy fuckin’ legs and I guess she realized that she had to redeem herself, because despite being useless to the world, she doesn’t think that she is. It’s the kind of delusion that allows fat chicks to wear spandex or ugly chicks to go to modeling casting calls because they’ve never been shut down in their life, despite a dire need for them to be shut down to save us the fuckin’ headaches of having to post about them and by us I mean me.
Phoebe Price is a whole lot of nothing, and by nothing I mean cellulite. She’s always bringing her freckled pasty body out to events and now she’s showing it off in a bikini. Sure no guy in his right mind would get up in this sack of shit but at least she’s got her dog, because he can’t report her to the authorities when she tries to shove him into her womb head first.
Speaking of sack of shit, I was in an immigrant taxi when wasted this weekend and dude stank of fuckin’ spicy armpit. I was wasted and gagging in the backseat and my only salvation was to stick my head between my legs and fart my drunken farts. Sure it wasn’t my proudest moment as I sat there smelling my own fart as to not throw up to his fat Taxi Driver stench, it was a defense mechanism that was a much more enjoyable that lookin’ at these pictures. I guess to be fair to Phoebe Price, I kinda like smelling ass…even if it’s my own.
I wasn’t going to cover any Emmy Awards shit because the Emmy Awards are fucking lame and it was my attempt in protesting them. Reality is that I tried to watch them yesterday because I figured it would inspire me to hate the world more than I do or maybe even take the 4 hours of my life away from me. I promised a reader that I would live-blog but that didn’t happen. Life lesson, never trust a drunken Mexican.
I first tuned in on my neighbors TV during the pre-show red carpet shit and saw the fag from Queer Eye doing fashion play-by-play like it was a fucking sports show. I thought the concept was stupid and was forced to change channels, but that was after I saw lesbian Ellen and her wife who is not so lesbian but realizes that eating Ellen’s pussy is good for business, being interviewed. Ellen was a manic weirdo who must have been jacked on something and it made me question why we let Lesbians on TV.
I tuned in again for the opening performance that was some Family Guy shit, Stewie and the dog were singing about how shitty TV is, I think I laughed a few times but I was drunk and don’t really remember. I do know that I like Family Guy and think it’s the best written show, so I hope they won something.
Ryan Seacrest came on and didn’t make me or anyone in the audience even crack a smile. His jokes weren’t jokes and it was nice to see his Seacrest ship sink, I can only hope this continues in the next events he is involved in, because his demise is well deserved. He’s a 5 minutes of fame gone wrong situation, you know the kind of dude you hate that gets on some Dating Show but somehow turns it into years of success when his talent only should have got him to the elimination round….
The second Ray Romano came on was the second I turned the shit off. I hate his voice and seeing him on TV reminded me why I don’t watch TV. I used to go crazy everytime his show came on, I am talking throwing shit at the TV to make the pain stop.
I also kept catching my neighbor staring at me while rubbing his leg, and despite being all for dirty old men, I can’t accept dirty old men giving me the eye mainly because I am not into gay but also because I am disgusting looking and anyone giving me the eye whether man or woman is clearly fucked in the head and someone I don’t want to be around…I felt like I accidentally walked into some kind of secret gay man hook up zone like a public bathroom that fags use as a meeting place to fuck while their wives are out shopping or some shit…and despite it being more exciting than the Emmies, I still had to get the fuck out.
Here are some pictures of the event:
Christina Aguilera and Her Pregnancy Tits
Eva Longoria and Her Mexican Ass
Hayden Panettiere and Her Floppy Tits Hiding Under a Tent of a Dress I can only assume she wanted to wear adult sizes for once and this is the result
Heidi Klum is Living Beauty and the Beast
Jaime Lynn Sigler Brings Her Eating Disorder as Her Date
Jaime Pressly 4 Months After Letting The World Knows She Has Unprotected Sex By Having a Baby
Jennifer Love Hewitt Hiding Her Fat Ass We All Know She Has…
Kaley Cuoco Because She’ll Never Be On TV Again
Katherine Heigl is the Big Winner…Literally…
Kristen Bell Because I Don’t Know Who She Is…
Lisa Rinna Because She Hasn’t Been on TV for a Decade…But Her Fake Tits Get Her Past Security…
Maria Menounos Because She’s Greek and Takes it in the Ass
Michelle Pfeiffer is Old But Still Hotter Than Anyone You Know…
Phoebe Price Because Her Dress Has Windows
Portia DiRossi Because She’s a Fake Lesbian and We Like Fake Lesbians Because It Means They Will Let Us Fuck Them While They Eat Out Their Friends…
Teri Hatcher Because She Banged Ryan Seacrest
I am sure there are more, but this took me long enough to do and I am over the Emmy Awards….
Bonus - Christina Aguilera Performance with Tony Bennett
I have no idea who Phobe Price is but they talk about her on a few other sites I go on, and I didn’t want to make it seem like we weren’t in the know, even though I just admitted to all 3 of you reading out there that I don’t know who she is anyways, thereby admitting that we aren’t in the know. But thats beside the point.
The resident slut of my old highschool was famous for befriending loser fat and/or Ugly chicks in hopes that it would make her more physically appealing to the round of jocks and preppy assholes she opened her legs to on the regular. Nothing makes a dog hotter then when you put it next to a pig. She would let them gang bang her at the big partie’s they would have when their parents went out of town to Florida, or whever the fuck rich people go on vacation these days, I wouldn’t know.
It was a fantastic twist of fate when during a yearly physical for the football team, one of the guys found out he had got Herpes and that not only had he traced it back to getting it from this slut, but half the fucking team had it thanks to all the group activities they had been having on the weekends. It got even more funny when a few of the fat girls found out they had it too. Turned out that the slut was bi-sexual and used to fuck around with her fat friends before she dropped them. The outbreak was so bad they had one of those school assemblies about safe sex and showed us those awesome outdated movies from the 1950’s full of safe sex propaganda.
I doubt Phobe Price has Herpes, but you can bet your ass she’s been the “Ugly Friend” on more then one occasion.
