Rihanna and her boyfriend are on the set of some music video she’s recording and paying for out of her earnings and by the looks of it, shit’s going to suck. I don’t really get how a bitch who performs in a dominatrix outfit, lookin’ like a whore you’d pay to piss on you, can pull off wearing some oversized homely dress I would expect to see a fat retarded kid wear to a baptism or bar mitzvah depending on her faith, and not something I want to see a slut playing wholesome in. Just look how she holds onto that Chris Brown lookin’ motherfucker’s hand like she didn’t let him finish inside her earlier this morning. I guess it’s a concept thing…not a concept me or any of the guys who jerk off to her like, but a concept nevertheless.
So people are saying that Rihanna is poor, but here are some pictures of her shopping and it looks like she’s managed to buy herself some pretty stupid fucking shoes/sandals/ hockey pads that I don’t fuckin’ understand but hate. I guess it’s possible that whatever company created this hideous invention gave them to her for free, but it doesn’t matter, what does matter is that people say despite being on the radio and in the club all the fuckin’ time, bitch is only worth 20,000 dollars
If that is true, she wouldn’t be the first black person exploited and the way I see it, is that she was just some slut in Barbados who was discovered and offered a shit deal. Possibly because there was no guarantee her shit would work and it was a risk, but the label wanted to give it a try or maybe they just knew she would sign because of where she was at, knowing that living in Barbados your real only high point would be playing the nightly resort show she was probably auditioning for when it went down.
So it’s one of those situations where she signs on to the first deal that comes her way, she figures it’s a dream come true, they offer her a million dollars as an advance but that has to be paid back to pay for costs like videos and CDs and shit, and she clears 20,000 dollars at the end of the whole thing, which is probably still double what her family makes back home not to mention she’s gets to live the celebrity high life and I guess you just can’t put a price on that.
She’s the kind of meal ticket all record labels dream of, you know the third world kind with low expectations, a person you can exploit and hire to work your plantation while you get richer and it’s just the way shit is and who really cares about her finances when you can watch her suck that Starbucks straw like it was your dick only your dick’s not quite that wide making getting pussy an embarrassing endeavor.
So it is official, I am finally having low self esteem dreams. Last night, I had a dream that I was out partying with my wife back when she was hot. She ended up disappearing on me and running off with some 55 year old rich dude who wasn’t fat and I was scrambling trying to find her. When I did, she had just finished fucking the shit out of the dude and started telling me how much better he was than me and how she was going to be leaving me because she was in love. It turned out the dude was married and wanted nothing to do with her, so she came crawling back to a broken down me. Having no self esteem I took her back and from that point on she knew she had me by the balls.
The truth is that if that happened in my real life, where my wife is 300 pounds, I’d be happy as fuck if this happened because another man would mean that I wouldn’t have to do my husband duties once a month and service her greasy box like some kind of sick mechanic, like I have no choice to do right now, but for some reason waking up from that dream made me feel more worthless than I did going bed next to that bitch.
Speaking of love, here are some pictures of Rihanna with her boyfriend who she claims isn’t her boyfriend in Barbados in her bikini that are uninspiring, even though I find her hot, but they are good enough to start the day. I don’t like that she’s obnoxiously chosen a Pink jet ski, because I hate girls who are obsessed with the color pink and need all accessories to have some pink in it, but I do like their pink. I also like that she’s tapping into her African roots by wearing her Zebra inspired top and mismatched bottom like she can’t afford a bikini that matches like she was in the fuckin’ projects, but the top is good enough for me, it’s like Animal Planet and I would totally get Steve Irwin on her ass like we were at his Australian zoo and I was hunting that shit down to feed it, but Steve Irwin is dead and so is my motivation.
Here are some shitty pictures of Rihanna and Chris Brown in a hot tub and I am not just saying that because they are brown. I am saying it because my idea of a hot tub party is a lot dirtier than this tame zoo shit, like the kind of thing that gives you AIDS and not by having sex with a monkey, but by having sex with lots of dirty girls while they are having sex with each other, like what you see in a porno but more realistic because I’d be in it and my small penis would never get cast in a real life porno, just the ones in my head….
Rihanna is wearing a barely see through shirt with no bra and you can kinda make out her nipple ring if you really try and I don’t really see anything exciting about this shit because you have to have some serious virgin goggles to make out her nipples. I guess the point of this is to say that I still like Rihanna and the choices she makes when she goes out clubbing, maybe next time, she’ll sprawl out and insert two fingers in herself to make the pictures worth posting, I know this post is shit, but I’ve been laying low the last few weeks and have nothing to write about this second.
I don’t understand this hosting party bullshit that’s blowing up internationally. It’s like these club promoters pay insane prices for celebrities to spend about an hour in their club in some roped off booth, where the celebrities barely drink and fuck right off as soon as their obligations are met. They don’t actually party at the club, they don’t sign autographs, they just walk in and out. I heard that when Rihanna and Chris Brown were here, the were paid about 50,000 dollars for a fuking hour or two and the club was so excited with how successful the event was. They thought it put them on the fuckin’ map or some shit and all the people who were there actually felt like they parited with a famous person, leading me to believe the world is retarded.
The truth is that I am just jealous, because it would be a dream job for me to to be brought into host an event and annoy the patrons in places I normally can’t get into. It’s kinda what I do with myself anyway only I don’t get paid for the shit and usually end up kicked out. I would not only would I happily finish the free booze I was offered, but I’d also host the event for the free booze and no fee making me very affordable. I’d try to fuck all the groupies lookin in on mye but the main problem with this plan is that no one gives a fuck about me and even if they did, the places I’d get asked to host would be places you’d get raped or murdered at.
I guess it doesn’t matter, what does matter is that Rihanna and Chris Brown are fucking and she looks good enough to me in her silver dress.
Rihanna was in Montreal a couple of weeks ago for her Kanye West concert and she went and spent 2700 dollars in American Apparel and left the girl working the counter a 3 dollar tip. I have no fucking idea why she would spend 2700 dollars in American Apparel, you’d think that would buy the whole store, and I have no idea why she would bother tipping such a shitty tip but that’s the local gossip.
The not so local gossip is that Rihanna has a nipple ring like some kind of biker lesbian chick, which doesn’t really make sense to me, because I never understood why girls would get the shit, but it seems to be more popular than ever, even though I thought they were a thing of the past, and I know this because I hang outside of piercing places an ask the girls what they are going in for and for the most part they’ve been saying nipple rings and I’ve been being asked to leave.
Rihanna seems to know how to put on a performance that reminds me of the time I accidentally walked into a fetish night party at a bar I used to frequent. I wasn’t too thrown off by all the nasty lookin’ people in their latex assless pants being dragged around on leashes, until I realized that it was a gay party and that the only girl in the place who had amazingly huge tits, and who I just let suck me off was actually I tranny packin heat. I didn’t mind too much, she was wearing lipstick and that’s all I really look for in a woman and she gave a really good blow job too, I guess she was just overcompensating for not having a vagina….
Here’s a big surprise. Rihanna couldn’t sing when she was in high school and that must mean she’s a talentless whore who is over produced in the studio to the point of selling a ton of records with songs that are constantly on the radio or in clubs, to the point where me and every one I know know all the fuckin’ words to them.
So this teaches us two things. One, that you don’t need to have talent or skills to be successful, you need to know how to suck a good dick and manipulate that dick into giving you what you want so you should just drop out of school now because it’s a waste of time. The second thing is that if something is marketed enough the general public will get tricked into thinking it is good even when it’s not because we’re all fuckin’ drones to that shit who are easily manipulated.
When I was in high school there was this mutant lookin’ girl in my 8th grade class. All the cool guys who hated me because I was an import were convinced that she was hot because she had tits and hips, while the other girls didn’t. At first I protested and told them bitch looked like a fuckin mutant man who was in some kind of horrible car accident that left her face lookin’ like the mess that it was, but they wouldn’t budge and called me a fag for thinking that, repeatedly, while beating me up and giving me wedgies because playing with boys underwear was something anyone who thought this bitch was hot would do. Eventually, I started to believe and figured there was something wrong with me for not wanting to fuck her, so I ended up rubbing it out to her yearbook pictures during the weekly circle jerk despite thinkin’ she was a broken down pick up truck of a girl, but because I just wanted to fit in.
I guess that’s the same kind of thing that happens every time anyone dances to a Rihanna song or watches her video, but that’s just because circle jerks aren’t going anywhere. They’re here for life. That must make you happy. Weirdo.
Here are some pictures of Rihanna and Chris Brown in a Pool Together Because They are Fuckin’ or Pretending to Fuck to Help Record Sales….because they are both pretty popular now so it only seems natural…so natural it should be on the nature channel.
Since it’s Thanksgiving, I’d like everyone to take a moment for our troops in Iraq who can’t be home for this really special holiday weekend and are instead fighting for our freedom. Thanks guys! I’m just joking….because Thanksgiving isn’t a real holiday. It’s more of a joke.
I don’t understand why you American assholes make such a big deal out of it. I am in Canada and we got a day off back in October, even though everyday is a day off for me. I don’t understand why you have movies about Thanksgiving weekend or 4 -5 day weekends for the shit, it’s a bigger deal than Christmas and I can only assume that the Jews are behind this shit.
Either way, I would like to give thanks to GQ for always getting hot pics and good photographers hustlin’ their magazine’s celebrity spreads and apparently they hired a magician or some kind of tribal miracle worker because Hayden Panettiere actually looks good enough to stop trying to convince to join my DrunkenStepfather carnival and watch shower instead. I am hoping she doesn’t get the wrong idea and think she actually looks like she does in these pics, even though we can all agree we wish her actual self will turn into her picture-self, because that’s just going to be fuel to the fire that is her ego that already thinks she’s the hottest troll to hit the mainstream.
They also did some sexually suggestive Rihanna pictures, but bitch is always sexually suggestive so it’ not that big of a deal, but I’ll post them anyway, because I’m accommodating like she was before she was famous, back home on the island she comes from, workin’ at resorts and whorin’ out to a lot of rich married Americans hoping that one of them would fall for her talent and give her the big break, and by big break, I mean knock her up, forcing them to marry her and bring her to America, so that she can take 5 day weekends to celebrate thanksgiving too. Because having days off for holidays that shouldn’t be holidays is all part of the American Dream.
I didn’t watch the American Music Awards because they are a waste of fucking time, even though every acceptance speech is about how shit changes lives, but unfortunately my life wasn’t one of those lives changed today, because I don’t own a TV, but if I did, I’d be living the fuckin’ dream and I am pretty sure I’d be watching scrambled porn, not because I like porn, but because distorted blue and green sex scenes excite me more than Dick Clark’s bullshit award show.
I tried getting someone in LA to crash red carpet for this event for stepTV, but I have no real pull, I couldn’t get press access and security’s a bitch, not to mention the dude I know in LA doesn’t have a camera and can barely speak english, but it still would have been better coverage than the actually award show, but that’s just like comparing a hot girl to some fat one night stand you once brought home when drunk because she was willing and you are an opportunist who doesn’t turn down a girl when she offers you creampie, unfortunately when you got back to her place, you realized that by creampie bitch actually meant a cream pie and you sat there eating whip cream and watching reruns of Seinfeld, because that’s all that was on at 4 am, until you sobered up and had to peace the fuck out because you realized that her elastic waistband on her sweat pants wasn’t something that could really get you off and for the record stepTV is that fat chick because it’s lower quality but makes for a better fuckin’ story.
I am recovering from binge drinking like a sorority girl during Homecoming week, and I don’t remember all that much of the last two nights, but I do know I laughed a lot so if you’re lucky I’ll bring some of that to you here, it happens sometimes, just not in this post.
Here are the arrival pictures from the AMAs.
Beyonce’s Got Some Insane Cleavage Going On….I Guess Someone’s Been Eating Her Fried Chicken
Alicia Keys Did Some Choreographed Dance Routine I Didn’t Understand
Amanda Bynes Got Some Fucking Legs
Ashley Tisdale is Hot Right Now, Like a Busted Old Pick-Up Truck In Your Front Lawn on a Hot Summer’s Day…
Avril Lavigne Dressed Like an Academy Award, If Academy Awards Had Stupid Hair
Some Carrie Underwood Wearing Curtains
Jennie Garth Dancing With Her Old Face…Which She Thinks is a Star…But Really Isn’t
Rihanna in Some Halloween Costume Shit Still Lookin’ Hot…
Vanessa Hudgens Because We’ve All Seen Her Naked and I Like to Show Love To Bitches Who Get Naked….
Fergie because Her Body is Too Good to be a Man
Nicole Scherzinger Because Her Dress Reminds Me of This Retarded Kids Art Project But Less Attractive….
Kellie Pickler Because We Like to Support Her Fake Tits
Miley Cyrus Because She’s Jailbait and has the Coolest Fuckin’ Father to Ever Grace the Radio With His Fucking Annoying Song….
I like Rihanna and I am not 100 percent what it is that I like about her, but she’s got something going on. Maybe it’s the fact that she can sing and every time I see a girl rock a mic like it’s my penis I just imagine what it would be like to hear them sing while banging. I’ve never really had a chick willing to sing when we fuck, but if I had ever found out, I wouldn’t know what my playlist would be, but I know it’d be hot. It’s like watching a girl dance and knowing exactly how she fucks. I was out last night with this girl I know who dances like a fucking pornstar fucks. She shakes her ass in ways that makes her the hottest fucking girl in the room and all I can do is stare while imaging her dancing on my face. The shit drives me so crazy that I have no control over going up to her and trying to grab at her ass like it’s mine and that never goes over well and usually ends with me being escorted out by security or by her boyfriend trying to fight me.
I also met a hot girl last night who I was chatting up until her favorite song came on and she ran to the dance floor, only to bust the lamest dance moves I had ever seen. It was like her feet were strapped to cement blocks while she wailed her arms around and humped the air like a frat boy humps inanimate objects to make his boys giggle like the school girls they wish they were.
Either way, Rihanna isn’t wearing any make-up and it is refreshing because my most recent turn off is girls who paint their faces up like they are some kind of clown and it’s birthday party time. I realize halloween was a couple of days ago and shit, but when I see the shit crusted to their fake tanned faces, I can’t help but laugh to myself, knowing they spent hours doing that shit to themselves and for some disillusioned way think they actually look good when in reality they look like Lionel Fucking Richie, all night long.
